This Side Down
by Tail Kinker
Summary: A slight change in the normal Ranma 1/2 universe...Ranma is replaced by someone else...
1. No Need for Fiancees

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part One**

**No Need For Fiancees**

* * *

Nerima was the FIRST place you'd expect to see weird things happening. As it was the home of both Tomobiki High School and Mishima Heavy Industries, its residents had long become used to the odd goings-on that seemed drawn towards Nerima like iron filings to a magnet. However, the sight of a giant panda chasing a small red-haired girl through the market was a new one.

The girl was tiny, even considering her age. Her hair was cropped very short, save for a small rat-tail at the base of her neck. She wore a red Chinese silk shirt and black loose-fitting pants, tied around the ankles. She leapt into the air as the panda pounced, and as she landed, pulled a wooden bokuto from the top of her pack.

By now, a small crowd was forming. Murmurs filled the air.

"A panda!"

"Big one, too."

"Who's the girl?"

The panda assumed a combat stance.

"Your move, old man."

The panda growled, and lashed out. The girl parried the attack.

"You've got no right." She swung the sword, and was parried. "Trying to pick my fiancee for me! I don't even wanna get married." She lashed out again, and knocked the panda down.

"You can forget about it, old man. I'm going back to see Grandfather." She sheathed her bokuto and turned to leave.

**_CLANG_**

The panda dropped the signpost it had just used to brain the girl, scooped her up and proceeded on his way.

* * *

_Hi! Bringing my son from China! _

_-Saotome_

Soun Tendo, his eyes tearing badly, stared at the postcard he held in his hand. "At long last, Genma is bringing his son! Now our families can finally be united!" He grinned. "I must tell the girls! Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane!"

* * *

Akane concentrated on the three cinder blocks placed in front of her, raised her hand, and brought it down as hard as she could. The impact shattered the top two blocks.

"Ah! Not bad!"

**_CLICK_**

Akane glanced up. Her sister Nabiki was at the door of the dojo, camera in hand.

"There, you see? That's exactly why all the guys at school think you're weird."

"So who cares, Nabiki? Not everyone thinks the world revolves around BOYS!" The amount of venom Akane put behind the word was astonishing.

"No? Then I guess this won't interest you."

"Huh?"

"Daddy's got some news. He's called a family meeting. Apparently, he make some kind of promise to an old friend of his. Dad just got a letter from him saying he's back in town, and apparently they'll be coming here sometime today."

"They?"

"Yeah. Daddy promised to engage one of us to this friend's son."

"WHAT? I'm gonna kill him! I mean, who does he think he is?"

"He thinks he's our father. Happens he's right. Anyway, I'm gonna get changed for company."

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?" Akane glanced at Nabiki's shirt and shorts.

"I want my good kimono. After all, this guy might be cute...or rich."

* * *

The three Tendo sisters sat at the table across from their father. Soun glanced at the postcard he still held in his hand, then looked up at his daughters.

"My old friend Saotome Genma is coming here, and bringing his son. If one of you were to marry him, and carry on the dojo, then the Tendo legacy would be secure."

"Hold it." Akane looked angry. Not that this was new. "Don't we get a say in who we're gonna marry?"

"Akane's right, Father." Kasumi looked concerned. "We've never even met this boy."

"Well, that's easily fixed. I got a phone call about half an hour ago, and they'll be here any minute."

"They live nearby?"

"No, no. Genma's wife, Nodoka, resides in Juuban, but Genma and his son have been on a voyage of training. They've just come back from a trip to China."

"Wow!" Nabiki leaned forward across the table.

Akane scowled. "So what's so great about walking to China?"

"Is he cute?"

"How old is he? He'd better be older than me." Kasumi was scowling. "Younger men bore me."

"What kind of person is this boy?"

Soun grinned. "I have no idea."

Nabiki frowned. "No idea?"

"I've never met him."

"Let go of me, you old fool!"

The shout came from the gate of the Tendo compound. Kasumi jumped to her feet.

"We have visitors!"

"It must be the Saotomes!" Nabiki ran to the front door. "I can't wait to meet--" She stopped dead in her tracks.

Framed in the front door was a panda. A huge panda. A panda of truly frightful proportions. A panda currently carrying a small red-haired girl thrown over his shoulder.

Soun and Kasumi rounded the corner, and were also brought to a complete halt.

"Ummm...Father, this isn't your friend, is it?"

Soun, rendered speechless, could only shake his head.

"Oh, so a panda just decided to stop in and visit! Happens all the time, right?" Nabiki had managed to find her tongue.

Soun again shook his head.

"Hey, put me down! You're scaring them spitless!" The girl was yelling at the top of her lungs and flailing ineffectually against the panda's grip. The panda, obligingly, set her down.

Soun stared at the small person before him.

She gazed back uncomfortably.

"You...you wouldn't be..."

"Masaki Tenchi. Sorry about this..."

"At last you've come!" Soun seized the girl in a bone-crushing hug. A puzzled expression crossed his face, and he stepped back. "What--"

For the second time in as many minutes, Soun was struck dumb.

Nabiki glanced at Tenchi and frowned. She stepped up to the girl and poked her chest.

"Um, could you stop that, please."

Nabiki stepped back and turned to her father.

"'He' is a girl!"

Soun, who had only just realized this, nodded dumbly, just before he passed out.

* * *

"Poor Daddy. He was so disappointed." Kasumi wrang out the facecloth and placed it on Soun's forehead. The Tendo patriarch was stretched out on the family room floor, covered with a blanket. At the cool contact, he stirred, and his eyes fluttered.

"HE's disappointed? What kind of fiance is this?"

"Nabiki, behave. He..._she_ is our guest."

Nabiki scowled down at her father. "This is all your fault, Daddy. Why didn't you make sure?"

"Saotome told me he had a son, and it is traditional for a son to be a boy!"

Nabiki reached over and grabbed Tenchi's breast. "You see a son here? Hm? Do you?"

"Um...I really wish you'd stop that."

Akane stepped in to save their guest from further harassment--Nabiki was no fun at all to be around when she was torqued about something. "Hey, Tenchi. Wanna see the dojo?"

"Huh?"

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

The smaller girl smiled hesitantly back at her. "Sure."

* * *

"So, do you practise kempo?"

"Not really. I do a lot of kendo, mostly."

"Huh? But I thought your dad trained you."

"He did, some, but most of my training was done by my grandfather. I know some kempo, and the musabetsa kakotou, but normally I practise kendo."

"I REALLY hope you're not some kind of samurai wannabe..."

"No. Actually, I want to work at a temple." The girl had come out of her shell and was proving an animated and spirited talker.

"Well, if your kenpo isn't up to snuff, you could probably do with a bit of practise. Wanna spar?"

"Um..."

"Don't worry, it'll just be for fun. I won't hurt you."

"If you say so..."

The two girls bowed to the dojo's shrine, then to each other. Akane assumed a basic stance. Tenchi just stood there, hands clasped in front of her.

"Ummm...Tenchi, you gonna get ready?"

"I am."

"Okay..." Akane stepped forward and launched a punch. Tenchi parried it quickly and efficiently, with a slight twist in the wrist. Definitely a kendo-ka, Akane thought. She kicked, aiming about chest level, and Tenchi leaned to the side, avoiding the attack altogether. Akane threw a flurry of punches at her, and each time, Tenchi evaded the attack, dodging to the side, downward and once leaning backward.

Akane was starting to get frustrated. Is she reading my moves? And why isn't she hitting back? She threw another blow, and again Tenchi simply avoided it.

"What's wrong? Swing at me!"

"Um...okay." Tenchi threw a shot, aiming at head level...and Akane realized why the girl hadn't attacked earlier. The shot left her horribly off-balance and unguarded. Akane reflexively blocked the shot, and counterattacked, sending the smaller girl sprawling.

"Oh! Sorry, Tenchi."

"It's okay, I guess." Tenchi picked herself up and dusted herself off. "I kinda suck without weapons, y'know?"

"Your defense without a sword is excellent."

"Yeah. Grandfather used to make me practise defense without a sword. Said I'd need to be able to stay alive without one long enough to get to one."

"Well, I'm just glad you're not a boy."

"Huh?"

"It's just...you're so much better than me on defense, and I'm betting if you'd had a sword, you'd have beaten me easily. I'd really hate to lose to a boy."

For some reason, Tenchi looked extremely uncomfortable.

* * *

"Hey, sis? Who's that guy in the front room with Daddy?"

"No idea. But could you take these to them?"

"Sure." Nabiki took the beer bottles Kasumi was holding out to her and went back into the family room.

Kasumi placed a pot lid on the pan of stir fry she was cooking, picked up the small pile of bath supplies, and went in search of Tenchi.

She found her sitting on the front porch, staring at the garden. She knelt beside her.

"Dinner will be ready soon. Wouldn't you like to take a bath before you eat?"

"Um, no, that's okay..."

"No, it's not. Here's a towel and some soap. The bathroom's over there. Enjoy yourself."

"All right..."

* * *

Akane stepped into the laundry room and and unbound her hair. She noticed Tenchi's red shirt in the laundry hamper.

_Looks like Tenchi's already in the bath._

She stripped down, grabbed her towel, and stepped into the bathroom.

And froze at the sight of a young man getting out of the furo.

Both of them stood there for a second.

Then Akane slowly closed the bathroom door. She pulled on her gi jacket, stepped outside of the laundry room, and closed the door behind her.

"YAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

She ran through the house until she came to the family room, where her father and his guest were sitting. She ran into the garden and grabbed a statue.

"I'll weigh him down! I'll drown him in the bathtub!"

Nabiki had just come into the family room. "Akane, what's wrong?"

"There's a pervert in the bathroom!"

"So why didn't you flatten him?"

"I was surprised, okay? Get out of my way!"

"That's odd." Kasumi looked puzzled. "Tenchi was in the bath just now."

A male voice broke into the discussion. "Excuse me..."

"Huh?"

The three sisters turned towards the new voice. Nabiki was the first one to find her tongue.

"Ummm...who are you?"

The newcomer was a thin young man, with close-cropped brown hair, and he was wearing the clothing that Tenchi was wearing when she had arrived.

"I'm Masaki Tenchi. Sorry about this..."

* * *

"This is my old, dearest friend..." Soun gestured towards his guest, a tall, bulky, bespectacled man dressed in a white gi.

"Saotome Genma." The man gestured in turn to the boy seated next to him. "And this is my son."

"Tenchi."

Akane, now wearing a summer dress, scowled at Tenchi.

Nabiki looked puzzled. "What's this all about?"

"Are you really her?" Kasumi leaned forward. "The same girl?"

Genma touched a finger to his forehead. "Where should I begin? Ah, I know..." He turned and grabbed Tenchi and tossed him into the fish pond.

The red-haired girl surfaced with a pained expression. "Come on, Pop. There had to be a better way to explain!"

The three girls just stared at her. "Now he's a girl!" exclaimed Kasumi.

Genma was in tears. "My own son...so humiliating, so humiliating!"

"Who are you to talk?" Tenchi growled. "At least I don't turn into a panda!"

"_Panda?_"

"Of course." Nabiki nodded thoughfully. "You're the panda that brought her..._him!_...here. Right?"

Genma nodded. "It happened about two weeks ago. We had travelled to the Qinghai province of China, to an ancient training ground called Jushenkyo - a place filled with small pools. There we battled, jumping from pole to pole, until we fell into the pools. Now we are cursed."

Soun entered the room, carrying a kettle. "If I understand the curses, cold water makes you take your cursed form, and hot water changes you back to your normal self?"

"Yes, that's right, Tendo."

Soun turned to Tenchi with the kettle. "When doused with cold water, you become a girl. But hot water turns you back to a boy."

Tenchi raised a hand. "Ummm...hot water, not boiling."

"All right then! Your problem is not so bad after all!"

"Huh?"

"My daughters. Kasumi, age nineteen. Nabiki. Age seventeen. And Akane. Sixteen. Pick the one you want. She'll be your fiancee."

"Now wait a-"

"Oh, he wants Akane," said Kasumi.

"_Huh?_" Akane stared at her older sister in surprise.

"Definitely," added Nabiki.

Akane went from surprised to enraged. "You must be joking! Why would I be-"

Nabiki grinned. "Well, you hate boys, right?"

"So you're in luck. Tenchi's half girl!"

"There's no way I'm marrying that pervert!"

"Excuse me-"

"_What?_"

Tenchi recoiled slightly; Akane's glare could melt tool steel. "Ummm...it's obvious that none of you three want to be engaged to me. And I don't blame you. I don't want to be engaged to any of you either."

Akane's glare intensified. "Why not? Aren't we good enough?"

"That's not what I meant! Look, I just met you three. I don't really know any of you. So I'm not gonna pick a fiancee blind. Pop tells me we'll be here a while, so--"

"No, Tenchi." Genma adjusted his glasses. "You must choose now."

"Ummm...Tendo-san? Could I borrow your phone? I'll pay the long distance charges..."

Genma paled. "On second thought, Tenchi, you are right. Get to know the girls better first. Yes, good idea."

"...never mind."

"Saotome?"

"Trust me, Tendo. It's better this way..."

* * *

"Quick thinking, Tenchi."

"Thanks, Akane." Akane and Tenchi - now restored to male form - were sitting in the garden. Akane had calmed down from her earlier rage.

_Though_, though Tenchi, _I'm willing to bet that anger is never far below the surface with this girl._

"But why did your dad bail so quickly?"

Tenchi grinned. "Has to do with the fact that he's thoroughly terrified of my grandfather."

Akane snickered. "Ahhh...So, mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Isn't that what I was arguing in favour of?"

"Right. So why is your name Masaki and not Saotome?"

"Well, my mother, Genma's first wife, died when I was very young, six months old. Genma remarried, but grandfather insisted that I be kept in the Masaki family records. Nodoka was very kind to me, but she never failed to remind me that she wasn't my mother."

Akane stared at him in shock. "You call that kind?"

"No, no...Nodoka was a very good friend of my mother, and I think distantly related. She grew up with her, and she told me so many wonderful stories of what Achika was like when she was still alive."

Akane sighed wistfully. "I wish I'd had someone like that..."

"What do you mean?"

"My mom died when I was seven. I remember what she was like, but I have none of her stories. Daddy can't talk about her without breaking down, and Kasumi knows only a little." She pulled her knees close to her chest and rested her chin on them. "So I really know nothing about her."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. At least you know what your mother was like."

"At least you remember yours."

Akane smiled slightly. "True. I guess we got evenly shafted."

Tenchi grinned. "Guess so. So what else do you want to know?"

"What's your grandfather like?"

"Ah. Grandfather Masaki Katsuhito. He's a wise and crafty old man, but he has odd ways of showing it. If you don't know him, you'd swear he was an idiot. He taught me kendo, and helped me adapt Anything Goes to swordplay. He is a bit odd, though." Tenchi grinned. "I've caught him talking to trees once or twice."

"Trees?"

"Well, one tree in particular. There's this big old tree that grows behind the shrine. I'm not even sure what kind it is. There's nothing else like it in the forest."

Akane's eyes had drifted to the horizon, and she hugged her knees closer to her chest. "Tell me about the shrine."

"Well, the shrine was built to protect a cave where a demon lies sleeping..." Tenchi broke off suddenly, turning pale.

"Tenchi? What's wrong."

"...nothing. Bad memory, I guess."

* * *

Tenchi finished unpacking and stepped back to examine his work. He'd packed for a training trip to China - mostly gis and Chinese outfits, including a Maoist uniform - but had brought along a couple of pairs of jeans and some t-shirts, just in case. He grabbed a change of clothing and pulled himself into them. He'd just finished changing when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!"

Kasumi opened the door and stepped in. "Tenchi, do you have any laundry that needs doing? I'm putting in a load of towels, and there's still room."

"Um, sure, Kasumi-san. And I can help you with that, if you want." He grabbed the clothes he had been wearing and handed them to her. "Thank you for asking. I have some more, still in my pack..." He reached over and pulled the clothing out of the pack. As he did so, a small, heavy metal object fell from the pack and landed on the floor.

"Oh, my. I hope that's okay."

"Hm? Oh, don't worry." Tenchi picked the object up and held it out to her. "Here, your one and only chance to hold a holy relic."

"Relic?" Kasumi's hand flew to her mouth.

"Yep. This is the pommel from the hero Yosho's sword."

"Really?" Kasumi took the pommel and examined it closely. Despite the patina of rust that covered the surface, the pommel was still quite beautiful. It was formed of three strands of braided steel that met at quillons at one end. At the other end were three tiny beads arranged in a triangular pattern.

"How is it you're carrying a relic around with you?"

"Grandfather told me that I was heir to Yosho, that if I could get the keys to the cave away from him, whatever I found inside was mine. Well, I found Yosho's sword, but the blade had rusted away to nothing."

"Keys to the cave..."

"Yes. There was an iron fence across the front. Grandfather carried the keys with him everywhere he went. But I managed to get them away from him last time I was there, at the beginning of the summer."

"So he knows you have this, then?"

"No, I didn't tell him. But he could probably do the math. I left the keys on his dining room table right before we left. But don't tell Pop, okay? He probably'd have a heart attack."

"I think I could understand that. After all, I nearly did."

"Aheh...sorry..."

* * *

Nabiki sat at the table across from Tenchi, keeping one eye on him and the other on the stopwatch in her hand.

"Hi, Grandpa. It's Tenchi."

"Not bad. You?"

"Good. Listen, Pops and I are at the Tendos'. He wants me to marry one of the girls here..."

"I see..."

"Well, if you're sure about it...Listen, could you pack up some of my clothing and send it out here?"

"Yes, thanks. You have the address here?"

"Good."

"Yes."

"Yeah, I've got it."

"What do you mean, I'll need it?"

Nabiki glanced up. Tenchi seemed very upset about something. He stared at the phone in shock. "He hung up on me! Crazy old man..."

Nabiki clicked her stopwatch. "Looks like you owe about a hundred and thirty yen, Tenchi."

"Hm? Oh, sure. Here." He passed her a couple of hundred-yen coins. Nabiki counted out his change.

"So what did you grandfather have to say?"

"He's supporting this engagement thing. He said that I have to marry one of you three." Tenchi shook his head in disbelief. "At least he said that I don't have to actually marry any of you until I'm thirty..."

"Wow. He sure plans in advance."

"...but he definitely wants me to pick one of you three before the end of the year."

Nabiki glanced at the calendar. "Well, that gives you about five months of grace."

"Guess so." He shook his head again. "I can't believe he's making me do this."

"Could be worse, I suppose. Though I don't see how."

"Mmf."

"So, Tenchi. Got any income?"

"Not at this time. Why?"

"Well, I'm not gonna be too happy if I have to support two freeloading houseguests."

"What do you mean?"

"You _do_ eat, don't you?"

"Yeah...but I thought...why would _you_ have to support us?"

"I take care of the dojo's finances."

"All right, fair enough." Tenchi sighed. "I hate to admit it, but I'm broke. Pop could probably get a job in town, and I can help out around the house."

"Kasumi handles most of that."

"But what about the garden?" He gestured out the kitchen window. "It's obvious that whomever does the gardening, it's starting to get away from them. I kind of have a green thumb, I could help out there. Plus I'm fairly handy with repairs."

She chuckled. "All right, you've sold me. Labour in exchange for room and board. But don't worry, I shall keep you quite busy."

"Ummm...how busy?"

"Say twenty hours a week. Slightly less than a part time job."

He nodded. "Sounds fair."

She blinked. "I was expecting you to bargain down."

He grinned. "No problems. I'm used to work. I used to help out at Grandfather's shrine, remember?"

"A good point." She leaned forward. "Can I ask you a...personal question?"

"I guess."

"What does the change feel like?"

He shrugged. "It's barely noticeable. Just a ripple, and I'm through."

"Hm." She frowned. "I would have thought it'd be painful. I mean, you must lose about twenty kilograms, just like that."

"Nope. No pain at all."

"So do you mind it?"

"The curse?" Tenchi scowled. "It's a real pain. Always ends up going off at the wrong time. Not to mention that since I'm smaller and thinner in female form, I tend to...fall out of my clothing..."

"I could see that being a problem." She grinned. "But do you mind being female?"

"That's kind of odd..." He scratched his head. "Not so much as I though it would. I mean, it throws my center of balance way out of whack, so I sometimes trip over my own feet. But I've found I can understand women more when I am one." He grinned. "Not that that makes any sense to me. I mean, I'm only female physically after the change. Not mentally."

* * *

"So, Tenchi. Have you chosen one of the girls yet?"

Genma and Tenchi were currently inverted in the dojo. Tenchi really didn't see the advantage of meditating while balanced on one's head, but...

"C'mon, pop. I've only had a couple of hours to get to know them. Grandfather said I had five months. And I'm gonna use all five befure making a choice. Understand?"

"What I understand is that you are delaying, boy!" Genma rolled to his feet. "Are you trying to dishonour the clan?"

Tenchi shrugged as well as he could while upside down. "All I'm saying, pop, is that if I've gotta marry one - and apparently I do, even Grandfather insists - then I wanna make sure it's the right one. I've got until the end of the year. I'm gonna spend that time getting to know the girls better. You see a problem with this?"

Genma saw several problems with this, but in light of the fact that Tenchi was at least accepting the idea of marrying a Tendo, and in light of the fact that Katsuhito had backed him up on the delay - and in light of the fact that Genma was terrified of Katsuhito - he kept his peace.


	2. No Need for School

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Two**

**No Need for School**

* * *

Akane needed to run.

Early on in life, she had discovered that physical action, anything that stressed her body beyond what it was capable of, helped calm her and keep her temper under control. Breaking bricks helped a lot, but even a nice long run kept her from boiling over as quickly. And right now, she desperately needed the self-control.

_Damn stupid father, engaging me before I was even born!_

At least Tenchi wasn't such a bad fellow. While he was somewhat rude at times, he was trying his best to cope with this foolishness of a planned engagement. Of course, that didn't mean he'd managed to get them out of it, but...

She realized that she had come to the end of her course, placing her back at the main gates of the Tendo compound. She was just turning in to the compound, when there was a frightful yell. She yelped and jumped back in surprise.

"What on earth are they doing?"

Tenchi and Genma were in the midst of a pitched battle. Genma was all over the air, sometimes under his own control. He was launching hand and foot strikes against Tenchi, often using the impact of an attack to springboard away. Rather, using the impact of the parries, as he did not seem to be landing any good shots.

Tenchi stood near the koi pond, bokuto in hand. While he had seemed off-balance and uncontrolled when unarmed, his skill with the sword was remarkable. Almost every shot that Genma threw was blocked, evaded, parried or dodged.

Finally, Tenchi swung the bokuto and knocked Genma into the pond. The older man - now a panda - surfaced and growled.

"Sorry, Pop. But breakfast is being served."

* * *

"School? Here in Nerima? But I'm enrolled at Juuban High!"

"Don't be foolish, Tenchi! You certainly can't commute all the way across Tokyo just to go to a different high school! Since we're in the Nerima ward, you have to attend a Nerima school."

Tenchi snorted in disgust. "Fine. Which one?"

"Since the two younger Tendo girls go to Furinkan High, you'll be going there with them. And before you ask, I called already and spoke with the vice principal. You're already enrolled."

Tenchi sighed, giving in to the inevitable. "Fine. What are you gonna do about the Juuban High enrollment?"

"They'll just have to live without you."

"Hmph. And what about books?"

Genma handed Tenchi a leather bookbag. "All textbooks already acquired, and a good supply of blank paper for notes."

Tenchi eyed the bookbag. "And how much did Nabiki charge you for this?"

"WHAT? I'll have you know that I parted with much hard-earned cash to get you this - and do you know how hard it was to find a store open at this hour that sells school supplies?"

Tenchi flipped the bag over to reveal the kana on the other side. "So why does it have Nabiki's name on it?"

Genma at least had the grace to look abashed. "I was hoping you'd overlook that."

"Well, Tenchi? Are you ready to go?" Nabiki strolled in, wearing a light blue dress - apparently the school uniform.

"Yeah, I guess. Where's Akane?"

"Here!" Akane ran down the stairs and out the door. "Let's go, or we're gonna be late!"

* * *

"Hey, Akane."

"Yes, Tenchi?" She had to look up at him; he was walking along the fence alongside the canal.

"Mind if we spend lunch together today?"

"_Huh?_"

"Look, my grandfather has given me no choice, okay? Apparently it's a matter of family honour that I marry a Tendo daughter. I'd rather make sure it's one I like. So I figure, I'm going to have to spend some time with all three of you."

Akane stopped and stared at him. "So you're not doing anything to fight this arranged marriage?"

He looked downcast. "There's actually very little I _can_ do to fight it. If Katsuhito wishes it, I must follow his wishes."

"_Why?_"

Tenchi sighed. "Grandfather told me once that after Achika died, Pop was just gonna dump me and run. He left me at Grandfather's house and ran. If it weren't for the fact that he was hung over from drinking too much the night before, he might have gotten clean away. But Grandfather dragged him back, and berated him for trying to abandon me. Then Pop said he was gonna take me on the road, to train me in the ways of a true martial artist. Grandfather figured that Pop was gonna take me as far as the nearest slave trader. So he forced Genma to stay at his house. He also forced him to remarry. So you see, if it weren't for Grandfather, I might have grown up with no mother and no father."

Akane was silent for a time. Then, "So you figure you owe him?"

"It's far more than that. But that is part of it."

"I see." They walked in silence for a time.

"It's okay."

"Hm?"

"We can spend lunch together." She smiled at him. "I think I'd like that."

"Okay."

"Can you tell me something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you walking on the fence?"

Tenchi shrugged. "Balance training. Plus, I like having a better view of my surroundings."

Akane grinned. "Oh, I see. So you can see threats coming more easily?"

"Right."

"I don't think it's helping."

**_SPLASH_**

"Ack!"

Spreading water to keep the dust down was normal in most cities...but there was no reason for this lady to be throwing water that high...

Akane's grin widened. "Something wrong?"

Tenchi cursed. "I gotta go back. I can't show up for school this way."

"We don't have time. Nabiki, you go ahead. I'll take Tenchi to Tofu-sensei's office."

* * *

Tenchi stood outside the front door to the clinic. Akane had gone inside to get a kettle of hot water, but had told her - for some reason - to stay here.

_Man, what's taking her so long? Hoo-boy, what a lousy way to start the--_

A skeletal hand fell on her shoulder. She twisted around, and came face to face with a grinning skull.

"Gyaah!" In a twinkling, Tenchi ran up the fence and perched on one of its stone pillars.

"Oh, pardon me. I didn't mean to startle you."

The speaker was a tall, slender man, dressed in clothing similar to Tenchi's own, save that it was all black. In his hands was a skeleton.

"Nothing to worry about, my dear. This is just Betty. My skeleton."

"Uh-huh." Tenchi climbed down off the fence.

"Tenchi, here's the hot--Oh, good morning, Tofu-sensei!" Akane had returned, bearing a kettle.

"Good morning to you!" Tofu-sensei bowed to Akane.

Tenchi looked at Akane. Was that a trace of a blush?

"You haven't been by in a while. No new injuries?"

"No, sir. That is, I haven't been doing anything that would..." She trailed off.

Tenchi slipped around the corner and poured the kettle over his head.

_Interesting._

* * *

"So who was that guy?"

"Tofu-sensei. He's a chiropractor, and he's also our family doctor."

"Martial artist as well, right?"

_He managed to sneak up on me, like he didn't even have a presence._

They turned the corner, and Tenchi could now see the high school ahead.

"Yes...he's very good. Doesn't look it, does he? Ever since I was little, he's taken care of my injuries..."

"Hm. I thought you hated men."

She darkened.

"That's right. _I despise men!_"

The school bell rang. From either side of the school's gates stepped men. Most of them were dressed in sports uniforms or gis, though some were in school uniform. All of them were standing ready for battle.

"What the heck-?"

"Out of my way! I'm late!"

Akane leapt into their midst. Fists and feet flew, and foe after foe was laid out in the grass.

Tenchi leapt onto the stone wall and watched the melee. "Whoa...she was going easy on me."

"Hey, Tenchi!"

"Huh?" He glanced up to see Nabiki at a third-floor window. "Hey, Nabiki! What's going on here?"

"Don't worry about it! Just get in here - you only have three minutes."

"But--"

"I said don't worry about her. She can take care of herself."

Akane's last opponent hit the ground just as Nabiki finished speaking. She mopped her brow and glowered about the field. "Honestly--every morning! I wish they'd just give it up!"

"Truly. Such a boorish lot." The speaker was a tall boy, dressed in a kendo uniform. In one hand he held a bokuto; in the other, a rose. "Evidently, each of them intends to ask you out, Akane, on the day that he can finally defeat you."

Akane's expression turned to one of long suffering. "Good morning, sempai."

He grinned. "And now, Tendo Akane..." He tossed the rose her way. "Might you fight with me?"

Tenchi dropped down beside Akane. "Is this a 'samurai wannabe'?"

"Stay out of the way. You'll get hurt."

"By him?" Tenchi scoffed.

The upperclassman raised his bokuto, pointing it at Tenchi. "You there. You are being quite familiar with Akane."

Tenchi glanced at Akane. "You want to tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"Who are you, peasant?"

"I--"

The upperclassman cut him off. "Ah, but is it not polite to give one's own name first? Very well, I shall.

"I am the captain of the Furinkan kendo club, and the rising new star of the high school fencing world. My name is Kuno Tatewaki, but my peers call me Blue Thunder."

Thunder rumbled in the background. Above, one of Nabiki's classmates glanced over at her. "You ever heard of this 'Blue Thunder'?"

"Nope. Last I heard, he was still calling himself 'Shooting Star'."

Tenchi grinned. "So much for flashy intros. I'm staying at the Tendo dojo--"

"_What?_ Under the same roof as Akane? _I shall not permit it!_" Kuno lashed out with his sword.

Tenchi dodged the swing, by simply jumping back and up. He tossed his bookbag to Akane and landed in a ready position.

"I am heir to the Saotome ryuu musabetsa kakotou and Masaki ryuu batto jutsu. My name is Masaki Tenchi, and I accept your challenge."

"I shall not permit you to continue hounding Akane! I shall bring you to justice!"

"Hounding? Who's the one doing the hounding?"

"He's only staying with us, sempai." Akane was obviously trying to inject some sanity into the moment, but Kuno seemed immune to sanity.

"Silence!" Kuno slashed, and Tenchi sidestepped. The bokuto smashed through the brick wall.

_Oh, that would have stung._

Tenchi dodged another swing, leaping to the side. He leapt again, using a tree as a springboard, as Kuno's attack sliced into the tree.

"Now hold on! Let me make something perfectly clear!" Tenchi ducked a swing, and was suddenly inside Kuno's guard. "I don't know what you think I'm trying to do to Akane, but I assure you, I have no intentions towards her at this time!"

Akane gaped. _What? And after he told me--ohhhh, **men! **_Angrily, she hurled Tenchi's bookbag at his head. "You _pervert!"_

"_Wha-_" Tenchi glanced back, then leapt straight up. Kuno's swing cut his bookbag in half.

Lightning rolled in the background, highlighting Tenchi floating above Kuno.

Rain started to fall lightly.

Time seemed frozen for a second. Tenchi's hand descended to strike as Kuno raised his sword to swing...

Time moved again, and Kuno was run down by a stampeding panda.

"Wow, a panda just knocked out Kuno!"

"Man, that panda is good!"

* * *

"Damn! If it hadn't been raining--"

Tenchi and Genma were in the Phys. Ed. equipment room. Genma handed a hot water kettle to Tenchi.

"I thought you sucked without a weapon."

Tenchi glanced over to see Akane at the window. "I do! I was going for a basic disarm maneuver. And he was falling for it! Upper_crass_man Kuno obviously isn't very good."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Look at your neck."

"Huh?" She felt her neck, felt a twinge of pain from a fresh bruise. "Wow...and he didn't even touch me..."

"If he had, you would be breathing through your neck. Looked like a pretty even match, don't you think?"

"Maybe." Tenchi poured the hot water over his head. "Just means I'll have to start with a bokuto next time. Then I'll probably smear him."

* * *

"Well, it does seem to be true that you were enrolled at Juuban until this year, but that doesn't change the fact that both you and Tendo Akane were late. Perhaps Juuban High begins classes somewhat later than the rest of Japan? Not that it matters. Go stand in the hall."

Standing in the hall was nothing new for Tenchi - it was a popular form of punishment throughout Japanese schools, meant to signify that the offender was not fit company for other students. However, the small placard announcing his crime - "Late for class" - and the buckets of water in each hand were a new touch.

"This is all your fault." Akane was angry. Again.

"My fault? How was it my fault that he attacked me?"

"If you had've stayed out of it like I told you..." Akane trailed off with a pout.

"What was all that about, anyway?"

"Oh...At the beginning of the school year, Kuno asked me out. I refused. So he made this big speech that anyone who wanted to ask me out had to defeat me in combat." She sighed. "Someone else asked me out, and Kuno pummeled him into the dirt. Since then, every guy in the school has been trying to beat me. Just so they can ask me out."

"That's stupid."

"Tell me about it."

"So wanna go out?"

"_Huh?_" She stared at him in shock.

He grinned. "Dinner and a movie. And no hand-to-hand combat. What do you say?"

"...Sure."

"_Never!_"

Tenchi looked up, to see Kuno standing at the end of the hall. Obviously he had overheard. _Damn - don't have a bokuto._

"Never shall I allow this travesty to occur!"

"You have a problem with my asking Akane out?"

The windows to the classrooms slid open, and students leaned out.

"Akane, you're going on a date?"

"Man, that guy's really lucky."

"I thought you hated men, Akane!"

"Nope, he's not lucky - Kuno's gonna paste him!"

Kuno's scowl darkened. "No, Masaki. That is not the problem, though I shall certainly attend to that one in good time. I have been told that it is likely you shall marry Akane!"

The crowd got louder. "Marry him?"

"Akane, you're so lucky!"

"Who would have thought--"

"_No!_" Tenchi raised his hands, as though to stem off the tide of questions by physical force. "It was our parent's idea!"

"It's not true!" Akane shook her head.

Kuno swung at Tenchi. Tenchi stepped inside, grabbed the bokuto, and disarmed the upperclassman, sending him spinning down the hall. Kuno stabilized himself, then called out, "Sasuke! Bokuto!"

A diminutive man dressed in a ninja outfit stepped out of nowhere and handed Kuno another bokuto.

"This time the odds are more even, Kuno. Follow me, we'll take this to a more suitable place." Tenchi ran over to the window and jumped out.

"I follow." The kendoist leapt out after him.

"You idiot! This is the third floor!" Akane very carefully did NOT follow the deranged duo.

"No problem! I can--" Tenchi looked down.

There was a swimming pool below.

"Water! Why does it always have to be _water!_"

**_SPLASH_**

One of Akane's classmates pointed. "Look, Kuno's floating to the surface."

"But what happened to Masaki?"

Tenchi, bokken still in hand, swam as fast as she could for the edge of the pool.

_Gotta get out of here...gotta get out of here... _

A shadow passed overhead, and she glanced up. Kuno was floating face down near the surface.

_I can't leave him to drown... _

She rose up and lifted him out of the water, then resumed swimming for the edge. Kuno stirred, then grabbed her around the chest. "I fight on!"

"Ack! Let me go!"

One of Kuno's hands grabbed her breast and squeezed. Kuno stopped in shock.

"_Ow!_" Tenchi darkened. "Gettin' a good feel in, twit?"

She jumped clear out of the water, lifting him along with her. She pushed him away, raised the bokken and smashed him into the concrete at the edge of the pool. She leapt over the fence and was gone.


	3. No Need for Kuno

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Three**

**No Need for Kuno**

* * *

The students still watching the fight from the school window had a poor view of what was going on.

"Hey...did it seem like Tenchi's body was a little...smaller...all around?"

"Must be an illusion."

Akane hurried to the stairs. She knew that Kuno wouldn't let a little thing like a concussion slow him down. She had to get to Tenchi before he did.

* * *

Kuno lay on the concrete deck surrounding the pool. He closed his eyes and considered the last moments of the battle.

_A woman. Yes...that was most definitely a woman. Which can only mean one thing..._

He sat bolt upright, fist clenched.

"Masaki Tenchi, do you think you have escaped?"

* * *

"Man, that hurt!"

Tenchi was currently seated on a limb halfway up one of the larger trees in the Furinkan High School lot. She stripped off her sodden pants and wrung them out.

_Man, Kuno's a pain. And he didn't have to squeeze me so hard! Feh. Well, I guess he knows about my secret now..._

"Tenchi, you fool!"

"Huh?"

She looked down. Akane stood at the base of the tree, hands clasped behind her back.

"Akane, what--"

"Just how dumb can you be? I mean, jumping into the swimming pool of your own free will!"

"Hey, I didn't know it was there!"

"I bet you want this..." She raised the kettle that she had hidden behind her back.

"_Yes! Please!_"

"Whither Masaki Tenchi?"

"Huh?" Akane glanced behind her. "Oh, no. It's Kuno-sempai. Here, catch!" She tossed the kettle to Tenchi, then ran to intercept Kuno.

Tenchi lunged outward to catch the kettle, but at the last minute, lost his grip on the tree limb. Both he and the kettle plummeted to the ground.

"Owww...oh, look at the little birdies..."

* * *

"Kuno-sempai! I challenge you!"

Kuno turned in surprise, then grinned. "Akane, oh Akane...never did I dream that you would challenge me...so be it! If you win, I shall allow you to date me."

"So who'd want to date you?" _Tenchi, change back into a boy while I buy you some time..._

Tenchi had just managed to sit up, and was reaching for the kettle.

"Fear not, fair maiden, I shall endeavour to lose..." Kuno lunged forward with a downward stroke. Akane caught the bokuto between her hands, then pulled him backward. One sneaker was planted firmly in his stomach, and he was launched into the air...directly towards Tenchi.

**_KLONG_**

Tenchi blinked at the sight of Kuno balanced on his head...on the kettle.

"We meet again."

"Huh?"

Akane ran over. "Why are you still a girl?"

Tenchi gestured weakly at Kuno. "Why do you think!"

"Tell me, did you see where that boy with the buzz-cut went? That coward, running away from a fight!"

"No doubt he feared your prowess with the blade, eh, Kuno-sempai?" Tenchi smirked, then pushed Kuno off the kettle.

**_THUMP_**

"That hurt, you know."

"Sorry." She picked up her bokuto and turned to Akane. "Let's get out of here."

"Hold, fair lass." Kuno had managed to stand up, and was pointing his sword at Tenchi. "You dare carry a blade? You, a mere female? You must prove your worth to me before I permit you such an honour."

Tenchi looked at him oddly. "You _do_ know it's the nineties, right? The _nineteen_-nineties?"

"None but a warrior may carry a katana."

"But it's just a bokuto..."

"It is still a weapon. If you knew the code of bushido, you would realize that, and if you do not, then you certainly have no right to the blade. Unless, of course, you are without honour..."

"_That's it!_ You're toast!" Tenchi snapped to a ready position.

"Ah, a challenge. Very well, fair maiden. If you defeat me, I shall allow you to date with me!" Kuno lashed out with the bokuto.

"And who's asking for a date, anyway?" Tenchi parried the shot, then smashed Kuno across the face with the blade. Kuno staggered back, then collapsed.

"Guess I've earned the right to carry this." Tenchi turned back to Akane. "Let's go."

"But school isn't over yet..."

"I don't really care. I know this place that serves great okonomiyaki, and after that, we can go see the matinee..."

* * *

The chef - the only employee in the okonomiyaki shop, it seemed - set the plates on the table, then retreated behind the grill. The two girls cheerfully dug in.

"I'm glad I found this place. Best okonomiyaki in town."

"It is...good..."

"So, Akane, tell me all about yourself."

She reddened slightly. "I'm not...really sure where you want me to start."

"Well, start with likes and dislikes."

"Okay...I like martial arts, though I'm sure you realized that...I enjoy cooking, though I wish I was better--"

"You probably are. Or at least, better than me."

She snickered. "Right. Anyway...I like skating, and I like acting, a lot. It's probably what I'm going to major in when I reach college. I took a drama course last year, but there's no drama course at my level this year, and I don't really want to take the same course twice...but I'm still in the drama club. I really enjoy Shakespeare."

_I'm betting there's at least one like that she's not mentioning...but I'll ignore it for now._ She nodded. "What about dislikes?"

"Well...I'm not really hot on boys..."

"I gathered. Um...lady? Could I get some hot water?"

"No problem, sugar."

"Thanks." She turned back to Akane. "So I'm guessing you're really dead set against this arranged marriage thing?"

"Ummm...no offense, Tenchi, but I'm really too young to get married just yet." Akane looked down. "And you're a nice guy, but really, I don't know you at all."

"I agree. I mean, I'm too young, too." She accepted the kettle from the cook, then casually poured it over her head, causing the aforementioned cook to yelp. "But Grandfather's made it clear to me that I have to go through with it. The good news is, that whomever I pick, I don't actually have to marry until I'm thirty. Just engagement at this stage."

"Oh." She picked at the remains of her okonomiyaki. "Well, I guess that's a little better..."

"You still don't sound too enthusiastic."

"You expect me to be?"

"Nope. I wasn't happy either, even after I was told the exact conditions. I mean, basically my choices for potential wives was cut down from several million to three. Not really what I would call a broad range of options, even as diverse as you three are. What else do you dislike?"

She thought about it. "There's not really a lot, I think. I can't stand it when someone doesn't take me seriously."

"I think that one's universal."

"I can't stand Kuno."

"That one's universal, too."

She grinned. "I think so, too." She looked down. "Well, I'm done. How are you doing?"

"Ready to go." He picked up the bill and stood up. "Let me just get this, and we can go catch the movie. Oh, and by the way...thanks."

"For what?"

"Trying to stall Kuno."

"...You're welcome."

* * *

The bell rang, signalling the end of the class. Nabiki leaned back and pulled out a magazine. Next period was self study, and she felt like studying the latest fashions in Paris.

_Japanese fashion is so...stunted._

"Tendo Nabiki."

She sighed. Business time. She set aside the magazine. "Yes, Kuno-chan?" The tone of voice she used was chosen specifically to cause cavities.

"I have need of your services."

"Really? Do tell."

"There is a new student in these halls, a girl with red hair. Do you have knowledge of her?"

"You know the routine, Kuno. Money first."

Kuno scowled, then placed a thousand yen bill on the desk before her.

"Oh, no, Kuno-chan, that won't be nearly enough for this information." She grinned.

"Truly thou art a mercenary beyond peer, Tendo Nabiki." But he replaced the bill with five thousand yen.

"Better." She pocketed the bill.

"Now then, Tendo Nabiki, do you know of this fire-haired girl?"

"Sure I know her. The girl with the rat-tail and chinese clothes, right?"

"Tendo Nabiki...is this true?"

He seated himself at his desk, pulled out ink, pen and paper, and proceeded to write. Nabiki looked on in interest.

Kuno grinned maniacally to himself. If she thinks that she can simply defeat the great Kuno Tatewaki and walk away, she thinks wrongly indeed!

"Y'know, Kuno-chan, for another thousand yen, I'll deliver this to her personally."

* * *

"Here you go, Tenchi."

"Huh?"

Nabiki was holding a small piece of paper in front of Tenchi's nose. There was writing on the paper, which Nabiki had thoughfully held upside-down. Since Tenchi was currently standing on his head, this made it easier for him to read.

Tenchi rolled to a proper sitting position, then took the letter. It was addressed to "The Tree-Borne Kettle Girl."

"This is to me?"

"Well, to your female half, anyway. I don't think he realizes that you're the same person."

"'On Sunday in the tenth hour, meet me at the second field at Furinkan High.'"

Akane grinned. "Sounds like a challenge."

Nabiki nodded. "Kuno-chan just _hates_ to lose."

Tenchi considered the matter. "Well, I've already beaten Kuno to a pulp once this week...there's no need for a grudge match." He crumpled the paper and tossed it into the nearest wastebin. "I'm not going to lose any sleep over this. Getting up before noon on Sunday is very far down on my list of things to do."

* * *

True to his word, Tenchi managed to avoid rising until one o'clock Sunday. The "Dawn Surprise Attack" launched by his father resulted in a badly beaten panda and Tenchi returning to bed. A bucket of cold water and numerous camera clicks also failed to wake...her. Neither did the warm water poured on her later. When he finally did appear, shuffling downstairs and knuckling the sleep from his eyes, Nabiki handed him another note.

"Here you go, Tenchi-kun. Seems that Kuno's still got that burr up his backside."

Tenchi sighed. "Thank you, Nabiki-chan." Nabiki seemed a bit taken back by the -chan, but ignored it. Tenchi took the letter and deposited it, still unread, in the trashbin. Nabiki smirked.

"You know, Kuno's eventually going to get tired of you ignoring his challenges."

"I took him up twice on challenges. The first time, it was a tie. Actually, Pop won, if you want to get technical. The second time, I smeared him. I see no reason to take a third challenge, as I know that I'm better than him."

"Pretty full of yourself, aren't you?"

Tenchi glared at her. "Nabiki-chan..._you_ could beat Kuno." He shuffled off towards the furo before Nabiki could reply.

* * *

Akane and Nabiki were in the garden when the next message arrived. The arrow came whistling over the garden wall and slammed into the dojo wall.

Akane dropped her barbells and stared at the arrow. "Damn. That's really dangerous. Someone could've been hurt by that."

Nabiki put down her camera and pulled the arrow from the wall. "Hey...there's a letter on it." She pulled it off and read it.

_Tendo Nabiki-_

_Please meet me at five o'clock this evening at the fountain in the Nerima mall._

_-Kuno Tatewaki_

"That's odd." Akane was reading the letter over her shoulder. "Normally it's _me_ he's asking for a date."

"I don't think it's a date, Akane-chan."

"Then what--"

"I don't know. But I'm definitely going." She grinned. "If it _is_ a date...we'll just see how much money Kuno has on him..."

* * *

Nabiki stared at the plush panda Kuno had dropped in front of her.

"What is this?"

"It is a gift."

"No thanks."

"Did I say it was for you, Tendo Nabiki? This treasure, I save for my fire-haired goddess."

Nabiki thought about it for a moment. _Those letters he's been sending Tenchi...and Tenchi beat him in combat while in girl form...that must mean..._ She burst out laughing.

Kuno stared at her oddly. She managed to regain control of her laughter and slapped down five photographs. "Set of five for five thousand yen."

Kuno grabbed the pictures. His eyes bugged out.

Of course, Nabiki knew that the pictures were well-taken. She'd been practising photography for better than eight years now, and had been developing her own pictures for the last three. She had an instinctive eye for a good shot. But she guessed that Kuno's reaction was more from the subject matter.

Tenchi, in girl form, curled up on her futon, looking almost completely vulnerable. (Not that he'd appreciate that statement.)

Tenchi fanning herself on the Tendo porch, a large panda in the background.

Another of Tenchi on the futon, this time sprawled on her back, her chinese shirt showing an almost indecent amount of cleavage.

A back shot of Tenchi taking off her shirt - she had almost no feminine modesty - there was an image of Soun in the background, spraying the area with his drink.

A shot of Tenchi in a wet T-shirt, Kasumi holding a garden hose and looking apologetic in the background.

"She is so...unreserved before the camera."

"Kinda like a boy, huh?" Nabiki had figured she could sell these pics to any of the perverts at school. But if the biggest pervert of them all was interested in her subject...

Kuno passed over the five thousand yen.

"You're really something, you know that?" Nabiki tucked the wad of bills down the front of her shirt. "I mean, just dropping Akane like that!"

"Dropping her?"

Nabiki stared at him.

"You're _not_ going to two-time her!"

"Don't be so vulgar. Akane, so pure and innocent. The fire-haired girl, bursting with healthy energy. Both so dear to me that I cannot give either up! Would you call it deceit that I would openly wish them both?"

"No, I'd call it two-timing!" She slapped down five more photos. "Set of five for five thousand yen."

This time, the subject was Akane. All five photographs were of her engaged in physical activity - breaking bricks, lifting weights or practicing katas.

"Such...such ferocity. Sold!"

"For another ten thousand, I can tell you how to get your present to the fire-haired girl."

"You have my attention."

* * *

Tenchi and Akane had also gone to the mall.

_I wish I'd known years ago how comfortable these chinese shirts are._

He'd already been to a uniform store and picked up three of the boy's uniform for Furinkan High. But he needed more casual clothes as well, until his stuff arrived from the Masaki shrine. He'd lost Akane momentarily when she'd gone into a lingerie store. No way was he going in there - he'd suffer from a terminal nosebleed. Or blunt trauma to the head.

"Masaki Tenchi!"

"Huh?" He glanced up. "Oh, Kuno. What do you want?"

"You will address me as upperclassman."

"But we're not in school right now..." He broke off as Kuno shoved the plush panda into his hands.

"Tell me why I must give this to you."

"You tell me!"

"Quoth Tendo Nabiki, 'The fastest way to get your gift to her is to give it to Tenchi.' How do you know my fire-haired goddess?"

_There's something I'm not getting here, isn't there?_ He looked down at the panda. _Fire haired goddess? And he wants to give her - me - a present...oh, no..._

He tossed the panda back at Kuno. "Take my word for it...she's not interested in you."

"_What?_"

"Later, Kuno." Tenchi turned and walked around the corner.

Where he ran into a man carrying a glass of water. Cold water.

"Oh, sorry about that, miss. Are you okay?"

"Yeah...fine...thanks."

Kuno came barrelling around the corner. "Masaki Tenchi, where--Oh! You...you're that girl! How I've missed you--"

Kuno's glomp was halted by a delicate fist smashing into his face.

"Back off, Kuno."

"I shall never let you go!" This time, much to Tenchi's dismay, Kuno managed to grab her in a crushing embrace.

**_SPLASH_**

"_Yeow!_"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Tenchi. Was that too hot?" Nabiki, tea cup in hand, somehow managed to look innocent and conniving at the same time.

"Tenchi, you say?" Kuno looked confused. He glanced down - yep, hair was black.

"Okay, honey...time to let go."

Kuno staggered back in shock. Sure enough, it was Masaki Tenchi he had been holding.

"Do you get it now? Cretin."

"Where have you hidden the fire-haired one! I shall not be decieved by such trickery!"

Tenchi stared at him in shock. "Do you try to be stupid?"

Nabiki looked thoughtful. "Looks like he just won't get it unless we spell it out for him." She walked over to Kuno. "Listen, Kuno-chan. That girl you like...her body and soul belong to Tenchi."

"Her body...and her soul...you _tyrant!_ Sasuke - bokuto!" Thus armed, he swung at Tenchi.

"Hmm...Sasuke - bokuto!" Sure enough, the diminutive ninja popped out and handed Tenchi a bokuto. He quickly parried Kuno's attack.

"Fiend! So you employ the same mystic ebon arts to enslave my personal bodyservant that you have used to corrupt the purity of the flame-haired beauty? _You shall pay!_"

Akane had just returned from her own errands, and watched the battle unfolding. _What on earth is going on now?_

"I shall fell you and free the crimson-locked maiden!"

"So if you lose, you'll forget about her?" Tenchi managed to get a blow in. Kuno staggered back, and a number of photographs drifted out of his clothes. Tenchi grabbed one.

_Hey - this is a picture of me!_

"Fool! You mock me with your inattention?" Kuno struck, hitting Tenchi in side. Tenchi rolled back and came to rest at Akane's feet.

"Tenchi, I think I'd better warn you...Kuno's a lot better fighter when he faces a guy."

"Thanks, Akane." He jumped back to his feet. "By the way, nice choice."

_Huh?_ Then she remembered where she'd just come from. _Why that--_

But before she could pound him, he was back in the fray.

"I have you!" Kuno started a series of lightning-quick strikes. The wall behind Nabiki started to crumble.

"Whoa - just from the air pressure alone!" Nabiki stepped out of the line of fire, just in case Kuno lost his concentration.

Tenchi smirked. "You know, Kuno...speed isn't everything in this game."

He swung the bokuto, swinging between all of Kuno's attacks, and knocked the kendoist down.

"...because, quite frankly, your technique sucks."

Kuno stood back up, unsteadily. Tenchi walked up, put one finger on the upperclassman's forehead, and pushed.

**_THUMP_**

"Guess Kuno-sempai didn't have much."

"How did you..." Nabiki flipped Kuno over.

There was a red weal from hip to neck on Kuno. It almost looked like a burn. On closer inspection, it appeared that it was a long chain of very fast strikes.

"Wow. You must have been attacking even faster than Kuno. And you said speed wasn't everything."

"It isn't." He shrugged. "But it sure helps." He grimaced and rubbed his side. "He managed to get one one me, though. Man, that hurts."

Akane picked up Kuno's bokuto. "Oh, Tenchi...remember that comment you made to me during the fight?"

_Uh-oh..._

**_WHAM_**


	4. No Need for Pride

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Four**

**No Need for Pride**

* * *

"There, all done!" Tofu-sensei sat back and grinned. "How does it feel now?"

Tanaka-san flexed the arm and nodded. "Like new. Excellent work as always, sensei. I'll pay your receptionist on the way out."

"Ummm...I'm afraid she's quit..." Tofu-sensei looked embarrassed. "I guess you'll have to pay me...let me get the books."

Akane's voice called in from the waiting room. "Tofu-sensei - a patient for you!"

"One moment." He finished writing out the reciept, handed it to Tanaka-san, then went out to the waiting room.

"Kami-sama!"

The young man sitting in the chair was badly beaten. Many of his joints seemed to be angled the wrong way. The look on his face told of considerable pain. Tofu assisted him into the examination room, then examined his wounds.

"This is astounding. The injury here on his side - from a bokuto? - is bad enough, but these other dislocations and contusions...this is brutal! What kind of thug did this to him?"

"...ummm..."

Akane's face was flushed, and she was carefully examining her feet.

Tofu looked at her. Hard.

"Akane..._you_ did this?"

She bit her lip.

"...umm...well...that is..."

Tofu slapped the bed. "I knew it! I knew I'd seen this damage pattern before!" He laughed. "The way this joint's twisted backwards, for instance. That's Akane's touch, all right!" He grabbed Tenchi's shoulder and twisted the arm. "You're Masaki Tenchi, aren't you?" His fist slammed into Tenchi's back. "I hear you're engaged to marry one of the Tendo sisters."

Akane flushed. "It was our parents' decision, not ours!"

"Well, it's still too early for you to marry, Tenchi. I mean, you're just a kid, right?"

Akane looked down. _I'm sixteen, too...just like Tenchi. Just a little kid..._

"_Ow!_ Uh, sensei?"

"Yes, Tenchi?"

Tenchi opened his mouth to gripe about the manhandling he'd received...then realized that all his joints were working again. "Hey, not bad, sensei. What do I owe you?"

"No worries. I'll just write you in under the Tendo's medical insurance..."

"I _can_ pay, sensei...and I'd rather pull my own weight." Tenchi pulled out his wallet and extracted a few bills. "Now, how much?"

Tofu-sensei eyed him. "Well, if you _insist_ on paying...I guess I'll just charge you four thousand yen."

"Sounds fair." Tenchi counted out four thousand and handed it to the doctor. Tofu-sensei carefully filled out a reciept.

"I _really_ need a new secretary..."

* * *

"Just a moment, Tenchi."

Night had fallen during their visit with Tofu-sensei, and Tenchi and Akane were just leaving. Tenchi turned and walked back to the doctor.

"Whether or not you two end up engaged, I think you should really try to look past today's incident. Akane's a very sweet girl; she just has problems controlling her anger."

"I think I saw that. Both parts, not just the anger. But I really think she overreacted to...what I said to her."

Tofu-sensei grinned. "And what did you say?"

"Ummm...never mind. It wasn't too swift, but..."

Tofu-sensei nodded. Tenchi looked thoughtful. "I'm supposed to be choosing one of the three sisters to marry. I can't see myself continually double-checking everything I ever say. I'm betting she's reacting to the whole engagement thing. Her sisters almost managed to get her engaged to me without her say-so."

"I can see Nabiki doing that, but not Kasumi..."

Tenchi grinned. "I think I scared her when she first met me."

* * *

"Defend yourself, Tenchi!"

Tenchi and Genma were once again sparring over the Tendo koi pond. Tenchi did not have his bokuto at this point - he had decided that if he was going to be attacked fairly often, it was unlikely that he would have a sword to defend himself. Thus, today he was bare-handed.

**_SPLASH_**

And losing.

"Tenchi! Saotome-san! Breakfast time!"

"Ah, thank you, Kasumi-chan!" Genma grinned broadly. Breakfast was his favourite time of the day. Except for lunch. And, of course, dinner. And, of course, that little snack right before--

**_WHAM_**

Tenchi pulled back her fist and watched her father windmilling at the edge of the pond. Genma managed to stabilize himself.

"Can't you do better than that, boy?"

"Damn. Come on, let's go eat."

The two crossed the compound and stepped up into the Tendo family room. "Incidentally, I've got a part time job. I start work today."

Tenchi had stopped on the deck and removed her shirt to wring it out. "That's good. About time you stopped freeloading."

"The same could be said for you."

Nabiki piped up. "Actually, Tenchi's been helping out around the house a lot. Not to mention that he's got a little bit of money salted away."

"Oh? Where?"

"Where you won't find it, Pop. I know you - you'd be off to the drug store faster than a speeding bullet, and coming back with cigarettes, sake and no money."

Soun wandered in, brushing his teeth. "Had a good workout this morning, Tenchi?"

"Ah, good morning, Tendo-san!"

It filtered through Soun's sleep-fogged mind that Tenchi was female...and topless. He lost control of the toothbrush.

Akane stomped over. "Have you no feminine modesty?" She poured hot water from the kettle onto Tenchi.

"_Ack!_ Too hot! Sorry, Tendo-san. Still not used to my female body..."

"Oh, Tenchi, a package arrived for you this morning."

Tenchi grinned. "Finally, my stuff is here!" He grabbed the package from Kasumi and ripped it open. "More jeans, more T-shirts, a bokuto, my old school uniforms - not much use here - hello, a letter from Grandfather." He opened the envelope and extracted the letter.

_Dear Tenchi, _

_I hope that this package finds you in good health. I'm sure that by now you've settled in at the Tendo-ke. If you haven't, I'm encouraging you to do so. _

_Nodoka has been hounding me for news of you, and I've told her that you're well, but have deliberately not told her where you are. If you want her to know, you can tell her yourself. If you need more time, then you have it. _

_I know you went in the cave, Tenchi. I hope that what you found there lives up to your expectations, and that it's not too much for you to handle. _

_I've sent a cheque with this letter. Open a bank account and send me the number. I'll forward the same amount to the account every month. You are to pay the Tendos for room and board with it. Whatever Soun charges you should be fair, and should leave you some extra for spending money and other expenses. _

_Stay well. _

_-Masaki Katsuhito_

Tenchi looked up from the letter. "Tendo-san, I have been instructed by my Grandfather to pay you room and board."

"That won't be necessary--"

"I'm afraid that it will. How much?"

Soun turned to Nabiki. "This is your job."

Nabiki grinned. "Well, this month is covered. I got ten thousand yen from Kuno for those pics, and you got here in the last week of the month. Plus, you have been helping out. But starting next month..." She pulled out her ledger and abacus, did some quick figuring. "You're a pretty hefty eater, and you take more hot baths than most, but if you continue to help with the garden and repairs, I think that eighty thousand a month should cover the rest."

Tenchi unfolded the cheque and glanced at it. "Sure you can't go higher on that?"

"Huh?" Nabiki shook her head. "I don't get it. You _want_ to spend more money?"

"Nabiki, just my grocery bill would be more than eighty thousand. My helping out is fine - I'd do the gardening for free, I love gardening - but the household needs cash as well, ne?"

"Fine." She did some more figures. "I wasn't going to charge you for the room, since we have it anyway, but...how does one thirty sound?"

"Done." Tenchi set the cheque on the table. "Grandfather sent me two hundred thousand, and says he's going to send me the same amount each month."

"How can he afford that?" Kasumi looked puzzled. "Doesn't he run a shrine? Is it a very popular shrine?"

"I don't know where he gets the money, but he seems to have a godawful amount of it. Once the house was hit by lightning and completely destroyed. He shrugged and built a bigger one on the same place."

Genma nodded. "It is true. The Masaki family has always been independantly wealthy. They have always chosen to live near the poverty live, however. But this is wonderful! Now I don't need that job!"

"Wrong." Nabiki grinned viciously. "That figure was just for Tenchi. Now you, on the other hand..." She turned back to her ledger and abacus. "You eat a lot more than Tenchi, though you don't go through the hot water as quickly. Guess you like being a panda, huh? If Tenchi's really kind, he might share his room with you, but just your grocery bill is going to be one hundred thousand a month."

"And, no, I will not give you any money, Pop." Tenchi grinned.

"But will you share the room?"

"I'll think about it. But for now...Nabiki, I need to open a bank account. Can you recommend one?"

"No problem. After school I'll take you there myself."

"Done!"

"Oh, I almost forgot." Kasumi picked up a book. "Akane, on your way home from school, can you drop by Tofu-sensei's office? I borrowed this book from him, and I'd like you to return it for me."

"Ummm...I can't, Kasumi. I'm busy after school."

Tenchi frowned. "What are you doing tonight? No clubs on a Monday that you're part of...'

"_I just don't have time!_" Akane grabbed his hand. "We're late, let's go!" She ran from the room, dragging Tenchi behind her.

"Wait, I haven't finished breakfast!"

* * *

"Okay, Akane, what's got you steamed?"

Tenchi - who was currently female due to a run-in with an old woman watering her sidewalk - and Akane were nearly at the school. Akane hadn't said three words during their walk to the school.

"Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut?"

Tenchi rolled her eyes. "I don't understand what I might have said wrong there. Perhaps you could tell me?"

Akane looked up, and her features darkened. She started charging forward, then slowed when she realized that the horde of boys ahead were not attacking.

"Well? What are you waiting for?"

One of the boys stepped forward. "We will no longer attack you, Akane. We all know that Tenchi asked you out on a date, you said yes, and Kuno did not stop you. And we know that Tenchi has successfully defeated Kuno..."

"This is a base, deceitful rumour, lacking in substance." Kuno stepped forward. Though covered in bandages, he still managed to attempt to look imposing. "Masaki Tenchi is a dishonourable cur, and incapable of defeating a true swordsman in combat."

Tenchi grinned. "Of course, Kuno." She turned to Akane. "Let's go."

"Ah! It is the beauteous fire-haired lass who graces these fair halls of learning with her--_urk_-!"

Tenchi removed her fist from Kuno's gut and walked past him. "Y'know, usually I don't like pounding on people. But I think this is the only way to get through to this guy."

Akane nodded. She'd learned this a long time ago.

* * *

"So what's the deal? Why were you so mad at me?"

Tenchi and Akane were seated under a tree near the school wall. It had not been a conscious decision to have lunch together; it was just that neither could think of a reason not to.

"Do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes."

Akane glared at him.

"Look, unless I know what I did, I can't fix it or avoid it in the future. Whatever it was, do you want me to do it again?"

She sighed. "No. Tofu-sensei is madly in love with Kasumi."

Tenchi closed his eyes. "Oh, man...and you love him."

She whirled to face him. "What?! How do you know that?"

"Oh, come on! I've seen the way you look at him - and you'd hardly freak on me for what I said unless you really liked him."

She sighed again. "Yeah. I've liked him since I was...oh, twelve, I'd say. But even then, when he was still quite young, and had just started his practise, it was Kasumi-oneechan who caught his eye. And she was still only fifteen!" She looked indignant. "I mean, she was just a kid!"

"So were you."

"That was different. It was me who loved him. Kasumi doesn't even realize that he loves her. Even though he loses his mind every time she's near him."

"Loses his mind."

"Yeah." She stabbed angrily at her lunch with a chopstick. "He gets confused, he can't recognize people, and he loses control over himself. If he's trying to treat someone at the time, he can severely injure them, and not even notice."

"That's not too good."

"He sometimes ends up running through the streets of Nerima with his skeleton on his back. I imagine he figures that it's Kasumi, and he's giving her a lift or something..."

Tenchi chuckled. "Oh, come on! No one gets _that_ excited about a person."

"You don't believe me?"

"No!"

She pointed. Tenchi looked.

Along the Furinkan High border wall ran Tofu-sensei, Betty the skeleton on his back. There was a glazed look on his face, his glasses were fogged, and he was laughing like an idiot. As he leapt over the gate, he turned a pirouette, spinning Betty around him by the hand.

"Ouch. If that _was_ Kasumi, she'd be in some pain..."

Akane picked at her lunch. "He loses his mind, he's so in love with her. And she can't see it. And he'd never act so silly on my behalf."

Tenchi shook his head. What a mess. He opened the bento and started eating.

"It's very good, isn't it?" Akane's voice was almost a whisper.

"Huh?"

"The food. Very good, isn't it?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so. Kasumi's a good cook."

"I'm not." She pulled her legs close to her chest, put her head on her knees. "Kasumi's a better cook than me, she's prettier than me, she's smarter than me--"

"Whoa, there, Akane. Look, I don't know if she's a better cook - I've never eaten anything you've cooked - but I think you're the cutest of the three, and you're no dummy. You were solving problems in Math today that I couldn't even read. And Kasumi will _never_ be the martial artist you are."

"But that doesn't matter anymore, either." She looked at him. "Dad has decided that you'll be the heir to the dojo. The only reason I bothered learning the Art in the first place, and the only thing I could do better than either sister. And now you're here to take it away from me..."

Tenchi held his tongue. He knew she was right.

"But thank you for trying to cheer me up." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "And for calling me cute." She stood up and walked away, leaving Tenchi sitting on the ground, bento face down in front of him, looking slightly dazed.

* * *

The final bell rang, and the students of Home Form 1-F boiled out of the classroom. For most students, the end of class simply signaled the start of the clubs. Though you were not strictly required to join a club, it was thought odd at best and downright antisocial at worst if you did not.

Tenchi did not belong to any club, but was a new student, and therefore had not had time to join any. Nabiki, on the other hand, did not care who thought her antisocial.

The two of them made their way to Nerima's office district, and made it to a bank with only an hour before closing time. And it took most of that hour to set up the bank account. Tenchi had no identification with a current address, and it took most of Nabiki's charm - and more than a little of her influence - to get the account settled.

As they left the bank, Tenchi mopped his brow in relief.

"Boy, am I glad that's over."

Nabiki bit her lip and stared into space.

"Yo, Nabiki-chan. You alive in there?"

"I hope you realize just how much you owe me for this. I expended a lot of favours for something so trivial."

"Ummm...I guess, if you want to look at it that way. So I think I'll make it up to you, starting now."

"Oh?" She cocked her head and eyed him. "Do tell."

"I know this great Italian restaurant, and there's a good film on at the BG theatre...that is, if you like Jackie Chan..."

She grinned. "A date? Wouldn't that be you owing me more? My time is not cheap."

"Neither is mine." He grinned back at her.

"All right, you're on."

* * *

The restaurant was indeed very good, and low-priced into the bargain. Nabiki glanced over the menu, looked for the most expensive thing on it...then decided to go with something else.

_After all, that shrimp dish won't even put a dent into his resources - things are too cheap here, and his resources too great._

Once their orders had been taken by the waitress - who seemed bemused by the couple for no apparent reason - Tenchi leaned forward and looked at Nabiki. "So...tell me all about yourself."

Nabiki felt like a deer caught in oncoming headlights.

"Ummm...I'm..." She struggled for a minute, then laughed. "That's an awfully hard order to fulfill. Let me reverse it. What do you want to know about me?"

"Well, let's start with your likes and dislikes."

"Didn't you already have this conversation with Akane?"

"Yep. And I intend to have it with Kasumi as well."

She grinned. "Trying out the whole set, eh?"

"Well, it seems that I simply have to marry one of you three."

"And you'd like it to be one you can at least stand, right?" She considered. _I could sell him my standard dossier...no, for some reason I think that would be bad..._

"All right then. Likes. I like money, good food - and junk food - manga, and photography. I also like solving problems." She shrugged. "Nothing intrigues me more than a puzzle that I don't know the answer to.

"Dislikes. I don't really care for martial arts. Daddy made me learn at least a bit, so I could defend myself against street thugs, but I never really got into it to the level that Akane and Kasumi did."

"Whoa - Kasumi, a martial artist?"

"Don't let appearances deceive, Tenchi-kun. Kasumi trained for about five years under Daddy, which is four more than I did, and she topped it off with Zen Archery, which she's practised since she was twelve."

"But 'not really caring' for something isn't really a dislike. I don't really care for mashed potatoes, but I wouldn't list it among my dislikes."

"True. I do enjoy it, somewhat." She shrugged. "But I could easily live without it. Since you obviously enjoy martial arts, I figured you should know."

"Fair enough. But please, go on."

"Very well." She paused for a moment, as their orders arrived. "In the list of things I absolutely despise...I hate being lied to. Can't stand it. And I hate to see anyone attacking my family. Any kind of attack - Kuno-sempai, for instance, the way he's chasing both you and Akane."

Tenchi shuddered. "Please...don't remind me."

She grinned. "Sorry." She leaned forward. "And now it's your turn. What are your likes and dislikes?"

"I think you already know most of them."

"True. But it's only fair."

"All right. You obviously know that I enjoy martial arts - especially batto jutsu and kendo. I also like good food and money - I think those are universals - as well as gardening. I don't like Kuno."

"I think that's a universal."

"I think you're right." He laughed. "I also don't like being woken up on a Sunday, the only day I get to sleep in. And I detest this curse."

"You seem well adjusted to it."

"You think so?" He scowled. "It can happen any time, just splash!, and I'm a girl. There's lots worse things than being a girl, but it's damned inconvenient. And cold water is so much more common than hot. Just to make matters worse, my clothes don't fit in female form, and I have to worry about my pants falling down. That would be _far_ too embarrassing! So if ever I get a chance to remove the curse somehow...it's gone."

* * *

"Tadaima!"

Tenchi and Nabiki stepped into the house, pausing to remove their shoes. Tenchi glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.

"Almost ten - we were out later than I thought."

"I had fun." Nabiki suddenly darted forward, and kissed him on the cheek. "See you tomorrow." She ran up the stairs. Tenchi watched her go, a trace of a smile on his face.

Akane, sitting quietly in the family room, watched the scene before her, biting her lip in concern.


	5. No Need for Vengeance

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Five**

**No Need For Vengeance**

* * *

Nabiki sat on her bed, knees pulled tight to her chest, chin resting on her knees.

_Face it, girl. You've got a problem._

She had had no problems trying to foist Tenchi off on Akane at first. After all, the boy was as good as penniless, and realistically had no future. On top of that, he had this weird curse. Gender bending was not Nabiki's idea of an endearing trait. And while she'd cheerfully admit that she found him cute in both forms, she was not willing to form any kind of relationship based sheerly on physical attraction.

But since then, she'd had a chance to get to know him. He had cheerfully pitched in and started pulling his weight in the house - even more so than Akane, and definitely more so than Daddy. He hadn't complained once about the work that she'd set out for him, save to say that he thought he wasn't doing enough. He was open and easy to talk to.

Quite frankly, when around him, she felt...safe.

Nabiki had decided very early on that nothing was safe.

Now, Tenchi had a reliable source of income. He'd offered to pay food and lodging. He'd refused her estimate, and asked to pay more! It confused her - she had given him little reason to trust her, and reason enough to dislike and mistrust her. Instead, he'd gone out of his way to demonstrate his trust in her. Worse than that, she had twice passed up an opportunity to gouge him for more cash. She had no idea why, could not even begin to think of a reason she'd done it.

It was throwing her whole world view into turmoil.

She blinked back tears.

_Dammit, why am I reacting like this to him?_

* * *

"Akane, would you please go tell Nabiki that breakfast is ready?"

Akane glanced up at Kasumi. Oddly, her features seemed to harden. "Sure, Onee-chan." She got up from the table and walked up the stairs.

"Nabiki! Breakfast! Now!"

Kasumi raised a hand to her cheek. "Oh...she seems somewhat upset this morning."

Nabiki opened the door and looked at Akane oddly. "Are you all right, Sis?"

"Come on! Breakfast! If you don't put it in gear, you're gonna be late!" Akane turned and bounded down the stairs. Nabiki watched her go, frowning slightly.

Akane could feel Nabiki's regard burning into her back, but ignored it. She sat down beside Tenchi, close enough that their knees touched under the table.

"Good morning, Tenchi!"

"Ummm...good morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Uh...yes..."

Conversation faltered for a second, then Nabiki sat down at her usual spot, across from Tenchi.

"So, Tenchi, what have you got planned for today?"

"School."

"No, silly! After that."

"Um...Nothing, really." Tenchi shifted uneasily. He intended to take Kasumi out for dinner tonight...but that's not precisely the sort of thing you want to announce in such a manner.

"Great! I thought of this restaurant you'd just love--"

"No way, Nabiki! You're not gonna try to gouge him! Leave him alone, he doesn't have a lot of cash to spread around."

Nabiki's eyes narrowed as she considered her sister's comment. "Look, sis, I'm not trying to gouge him. I was going to pay for the meal, if you must know."

Akane stared at her. "There's no way that Tenchi would want to go out with you! You'd only try to use him for your own schemes! All you care about is yourself! At least I have Tenchi's best interests at heart!"

"Really? But do you even know what those interests are?" Her look turned sultry. "After all, I'm fairly sure that a boy-hating tomboy like yourself has no idea at all as to how to please a man."

"You...you _tramp!"_

Tenchi was getting the strongest sense of deja vu. "Ummm...excuse me..."

Both girls turned and glared at him.

"Never mind..."

Kasumi thought it was about time to defuse this before it turned into a fistfight. "Would anyone like some tea?"

* * *

"Ah...Kasumi?"

"Yes, Tenchi?" Kasumi turned away from the sink. "Oh...if you don't hurry, you're going to be late for school."

"It's okay, I can make it on time." He paused. "Listen, I thought it might be nice if you and I could, you know, spend some time together...We could go out for dinner tonight, and talk, if you're not busy..."

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Ummm...yeah, I guess."

She smiled. "Thank you for asking, Tenchi. I would say yes, but...well, you saw what happened at the breakfast table today."

"Yeah, I thought they were gonna start swinging at each other."

Kasumi sighed. "I have to keep the peace here as best I can. I promised Mother that I would, before she died."

"Kasumi, I--"

"No, Tenchi. I can't go out with you tonight. I know that you are doing this because of the betrothal, and if it helps, you must know that I don't support this at all."

"Even though you were set to get Akane engaged to me against her will?"

She winced. "It was...a weak moment. I mean, you're so...young."

He grinned. "And the curse doesn't help, even a bit, huh? Hey, I'm not holding it against you...though Akane might." He turned serious. "But I must insist on spending some time with you. If not over dinner, then...?"

"I don't want to get caught between my sisters, Tenchi."

"I didn't want to get caught in this whole mess!"

"Touche." She rubbed her forehead. "Not tonight. Perhaps tomorrow night."

"All right, I'll ask you tomorrow."

"Please, Tenchi..." She looked up at him, sorrow in her eyes. "You must know that both Akane and Nabiki are attracted to you. How are you going to resolve this?"

"Honestly, Kasumi...I have no idea."

* * *

The boy stared wide-eyed at the sign before him.

_Furinkan High School - at last, I've made it!_

He reached out at random and grabbed a passing boy. "Where is Masaki Tenchi?"

The student gaped at him, then pointed back towards the main doors of the school. The stranger cast the student aside, then ran towards the door.

Tenchi, Akane and Nabiki had just stepped out of the school. Tenchi looked up, and grinned. "Hey, Ryouga!"

**_WHAM_**

Tenchi was lifted clear off the ground by Ryouga. Akane stepped back and shifted to a fighting stance. This guy's HUGE! He could pulp Tenchi in a heartbeat...

"Easy Akane." Nabiki nudged her. "Does that look like they're fighting?"

Akane blinked. Both boys were laughing riotously. Tenchi slapped the stranger heartily on the back, then dragged him over to the two girls.

"Hey, Akane, Nabiki, I'd like for you to meet my best friend, Ryouga. We went to school together a couple of years back."

Ryouga grinned. "Hi. Pleased to meet you. I understand that Tenchi is living with you two?"

"It's not what you think!" Akane blurted.

Nabiki grinned. "Tenchi and his father are renting a room from us until some family business is resolved. That is, business between my father and his."

"Really! My father just recently dragged me here to Nerima, and I heard that Tenchi was in town, so I figured I'd go looking for him."

"Ah...Ryouga...does your dad know you're out looking for me?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Good. I guess you'd better phone him and let him know you've found me."

"Guess so. Ummm...where is there a payphone?"

"Some things never change." Tenchi dropped a hand on Ryouga's shoulder. "This way."

"Thanks, Tenchi."

The four started walking towards the payphones. Akane nudged Tenchi. "Why do you have to lead him?"

"Well...Ryouga's kind of...directionally challenged."

"I get lost easy." Ryouga flushed slightly. "Tenchi used to lead me to school every day."

"C'mon, Ryouga, you're not that bad. You always get where you're going...eventually."

Ryouga shrugged. "True." He picked up a payphone and dialled.

Tenchi stepped away from the phone. "So, you two. Would you mind terribly if Ryouga joins us for lunch?"

"Nope."

Akane shrugged. "I don't mind."

"Good! I'm betting he and I have a lot to talk about."

* * *

"Me and Tenchi met in junior high school. At the school we went to, they made the students fight for their lunch."

Akane shuddered. "Glad I didn't go to that school."

"Oh, you couldn't have." Tenchi nibbled on a bit of squid dangling from his chopsticks. "It was an all-boys school."

"All _boys?_"

"Yep. Remember, this was back before Jushenkyou."

Ryouga fumbled his chopsticks. "Did you say...Jushenkyou?"

"Uh...yeah. Why?"

"...I've heard all sorts of bad things about it."

"Really? Well, they're probably all true." Tenchi grabbed a glass, poured the water over his head. "See? Man, I hate this curse."

"Curse?" Ryouga snickered. "That's not so bad."

"Ryouga..." Tenchi darkened. "It's lousy! I mean, it could go off at any time. My clothing doesn't change between forms, and that can be embarrassing. How could it be any worse?"

"Oh, I dunno...you could've fallen into the Spring of Drowned Duck."

"Ummm...ability to fly versus opposable thumbs...point taken."

"Or the Spring of Drowned Twins."

"Man, I don't want to even think about how that would work."

Nabiki snickered.

"Or how about Spring of Drowned Yeti Riding A Yak While Carrying A Crane?"

Akane shook her head. "You must have made that one up."

"Nope. Even saw a guy who fell into it. Hell, he's twice cursed. He has a really horrible name."

Tenchi scoffed. "That's all?"

"Well, I suppose it's kind of a puddly curse compared to my sense of direction."

"I'll say."

"Hey!"

* * *

Ryouga leaned against the tree, waiting for his friends, both old and new. He sighed, resting his head in his hands.

_What am I gonna do? Tenchi and the girls know about Jushenkyou...and sooner or later they'll find out. Tenchi probably already knows, he's smart enough to figure it out, and I bet that girl, Nabiki, is bright enough too..._

"Hi, Ryouga!"

The Eternally Lost Boy looked up to see the younger Tendo sister, Akane, looking up at him. He grinned, a little unsteadily.

"Hi, Akane. Ummm...where are the others?"

"Still in class."

"So how is it you're not?"

"Well...I wanted to talk to you."

Ryouga frowned, confused. _Why would she want to talk to me so badly that she'd skip a class?_

"Okay...what would you like to talk about?"

"Well...about Tenchi, actually. You went to school with him, right?"

"Well, yeah, I did. Why?"

"Well, I was wondering...what can you tell me about him?"

"Not a lot. I mean, he was a great guy, always willing to help out another person. Of course, we didn't really get off on the best foot."

Akane sat down on the grass, tucking her skirt under her. "Let me guess: fighting over lunch?"

"Well, yes." Ryouga slid down the tree, till he was seated opposite her. "You see, there was this really sadistic cook, who always held back a few choice bits of bread, then threw them into the crowd to see who got them. I was used to getting a fair portion of them, but the first day Tenchi was there, he managed to grab a curry bread I was going for. I was kinda sore, and challenged him to a fight. He pounded me into goo, then handed me the bread."

"Sounds like Tenchi."

Ryouga nodded. "After that, we became friends. He even picked me up at my house every day and escorted me to school, to make sure I got there. Led me back home afterwards, too."

"So you guys really were best friends."

"Well, not really best friends. We had a lot of things we competed in, as well. We often sparred, trying to see who was the best in one form or another. And there was this girl..." Ryouga blushed.

"Hmmm?" Akane leaned forward, grinning. "You two fought over a girl?"

"It was stupid." Ryouga picked up a small stone, pitched it a fair distance away. "I mean, it was fairly obvious that she wasn't really interested in either of us. But we both were chasing her, and we got pretty sore at each other over it. But in the end, we patched things up, and moved on."

"Wait a minute...if you two went to an all-boys school, how was it there was a girl there?"

"She went to the neighbouring all-girl's school. She was the head of the rhythmic gymnastics team there."

"Uhhh...her name wasn't Kodachi, was it?"

"Eh? No...Sayoko. Mishima Sayoko. No relation to the folks of MHI, though."

"Okay, then." Akane grinned. "So who got the girl?"

"Neither of us."

"Good."

Ryouga glanced up, slightly confused. Not that this was new. But before he could say anything more, the end-of-class bell rang.

"Oh! Nabiki and Tenchi will be out soon!" Akane leapt to her feet and ran towards the school. Ryouga stood and started to follow her, but decided it would be better if he just stayed at the tree.

Wherever it was he had left that tree...

"Dammit, not again!"

* * *

"Tenchi, wait!"

Tenchi ran through the living room, wearing only a towel and a pair of shorts, the three Tendo sisters in hot pursuit.

"No! Forget it! I'm not doing it!"

"Tenchi, all of your clothes are in the wash. You've got to wear something!"

"You can't just run around naked, you know."

"I'm not naked. I'm wearing shorts!"

Nabiki walked up to Tenchi and poked one of her exposed breasts. "You need more than just shorts."

"Fine! I'll go take a hot bath."

Nabiki shook her head. "That'll get expensive. You can't just take a hot bath every time you happen to get splashed."

"Hey, I pay rent here!"

"There are limits."

Nabiki stepped forward, close enough that only Tenchi could hear her. "Tenchi...for all that you pay rent and do chores here, you are still a guest. We cannot have something like this" - she gestured to her mostly unclothed form - "going on, as it may disturb...certain family members. Further, even the amount of rent you pay does not cover the amount of hot water you go through. I am forced to limit you to two hot baths a day."

"Ack!"

"This means that you will be spending more time in your cursed form. I realize this, and I realize how much it will distress you. I'm sorry."

"Well...why do I have to wear girl's clothes? Can't I just borrow something of Tendo-san's?"

"Oh, right, Tenchi. Anything of Daddy's would just hang off of you like a tent."

"Well...yeah."

* * *

"But why does she have to borrow something of mine?"

"Because you're the closest to him in size. As it is, nothing's going to fit him anyway." Nabiki rummaged through Akane's bureau, pulled out a skin-tight bodysuit adorned with ostrich feathers. "My, my...this is unusual."

Akane blushed furiously.

"Look, just give me one of her gis, I'll wear that."

"Well, she only has two...This one, I think."

"I outgrew that one two years ago."

"So? Then it will fit her perfectly."

Tenchi grabbed the offered gi jacket, pulled it on. "Wow, you're right. It does fit perfectly."

"A little long in the sleeve...Akane was still growing when she got that gi. And she was still...developing, which is why it fits so well across the bust..."

Tenchi grinned. "Isn't this a role reversal?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's normally the man who comments on the size of a woman's breasts."

Akane continued to blush.

* * *

Tenchi stepped out of Akane's room, dressed in the gi. Kasumi looked her up and down and smiled.

"You look lovely, Tenchi."

"Aheh...thanks, I guess."

"I'm going to the market. If you would, I need a strong back to help me carry some things home with me. I know you're really strong." The smile became almost sufficient to begin tooth decay.

"Sure, Kasumi. Lemme just get some shoes on..."

* * *

Tenchi lifted the melon, felt it carefully, put it to her ear and tapped it. She handed it to Kasumi.

"This one's perfect."

"Thank you, Tenchi. Two more, if you please."

Tenchi grinned, and turned back to the rack. She began sorting through the melons. Kasumi watched her hands at work.

"Your hands are very large."

"Hm?" She ceased sorting, looked up at Kasumi. "What did you say?"

"Your hands. They're very large. Even in your girl form."

"Oh? I guess so." She shrugged, turned back to the melons. "My grandfathers' are the same way, and I think my mothers' were as well. At least, as best I can tell from photos."

"A family trait, then?"

"Guess so. I don't know if it's a particularly useful trait. If I were about a foot taller, I might play basketball, and it might help there. But I guess it helps sometimes, makes it easier to hold the bokuto." She tapped a melon, then placed it in the basket. "Akane tells me you do some martial arts, including Zen Archery."

"Well, yes, I do. Of course, Zen Archery is not entirely a combat skill. But I did some kempo when I was younger, and still keep up my practise."

"Why do I never see you in the dojo?"

"I do all my practise in my bedroom."

"Ah." _Well, Tenchi, my boy, you can just throw out all those hentai thoughts you had about the noises coming from that room..._

"I know that it will be important for you to have a wife with an interest in martial arts, so I really don't think I'd be the best--"

"Hold that train. Remember, Nabiki is the least interested in martial arts. Doesn't do anything more than Tai Chi now, remember?" She grinned. "And before you try to sell Akane off to me again, remember that I also need someone capable of organizing the dojo and taking care of the house."

"I guess..."

Tenchi nodded. "You have your own dreams, don't you? You just plain don't want to be tied to that house."

"Well..."

"So what are your dreams?"

She laughed. "Well, what I really want is to become a doctor." She hesitated.

Tenchi nodded. "Ah, I see. You've finished high school, right?"

"Yes."

"And the only reason you're not going to college is to take care of the house?"

"Well...yes. The only college in Nerima doesn't have a very good medical program. I would have to move out of Nerima. And I can't do that right now."

"Why not?"

She sighed. "Tenchi, do you think there's even a single person in that household capable of caring for it?"

"Hmmm...Akane claims she can't cook, Nabiki abhors the thought of anything domestic, your father is an emotional wreck - sorry--"

"Don't be. I quite realize the situation. You see, when Mother died, Father never really recovered. It was almost a year before he no longer had to be reminded to eat." She shook her head. "Those were hard years for the dojo. We lost many students. Even after he recovered enough to teach again, Father chose not to take on any new students. So what few we have have been with the dojo for ten years.

"It was Mother's dream as much as Father's, the dojo. Without her in it..." Kasumi closed her eyes. "Every time he goes in there, he remembers her, and it's all he can do not to break down again. Somehow, he manages to keep on going, teach the lessons. It's his dream to see the dojo pass onto the next generation of Tendos, to see the family legacy survive."

Tenchi placed a third melon in the basket.

"So you can't go to medical school until someone is ready to take over the reins at the house."

"Yes..."

"That's unfortunate."

"But it also means that I couldn't marry you, you see."

"Why not?"

"Well, because..."

"Because you'd have to give up your dream? Because you couldn't go to medical school, get your degree, become a doctor?"

"...yes."

"Even though you wouldn't have to actually marry me until well after you've graduated and started your own practise?"

"...I guess..." She shook her head, trying to clear it. "That's right...you don't actually have to get married until you're thirty."

"Bingo."

"But there's still the other consideration, Tenchi..."

"Which is?"

"I don't love you." She looked apologetic.

Tenchi sighed. "I know, Kasumi. And to tell the honest truth, I don't love you - or either of your sisters. But I have very little choice."

"I know."

"So I'm using what little choice I have to make sure I don't make a bad choice."

"Tenchi, I know. You've told me already, okay?"

"Yeah...but I have to keep reminding myself."

Kasumi chuckled. "Why? Finding it difficult to make a choice?"

"Yes!" Tenchi laughed, scratching the back of her head. "I mean, all three of you have so much to recommend you."

"Well, thank you for that, Tenchi." Kasumi picked up a bundle of carrots, inspected them. "Ah, these'll do." She placed them in her basket.

"Of course, there's still the matter of a date..."

Kasumi turned back to him. "I was rather hoping to convince you that I was a bad choice, before we went out..."

"Sorry. Gotta do this right."

Kasumi sighed. "I suppose I can't fault you for that. Dinner and a movie?"

"That was sorta what I was thinking. But I've got a better idea. How about instead, there's a live band playing at the park tomorrow, and afterwards, we can go for a walk by the pond."

She smiled, bemused. "I do believe you've put some thought into this. All right, I accept."


	6. No Need for a Haircut

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Six**

**No Need For A Haircut**

* * *

Ryouga looked at the sign in front of him. "Tendo dojo...this must be where Tenchi's staying." He walked in through the front gates after only two false starts, then knocked on the front door. Well, actually, he knocked on the shogi overlooking the pond.

Akane opened the shogi and looked bemusedly at the young man standing on the porch. "May I help you?"

"Err...am I still at the Tendo dojo?"

"...yes."

"Ah...is Tenchi here?"

"At the moment he is, though he and Kasumi are leaving in a minute. Please, come in." She turned and called up the stairs. "Tenchi! You have a visitor."

"Who is it?"

Ryouga grinned. "It's me, Tenchi."

"Hey, Ryouga! Glad you managed to find the place." Tenchi came down the stairs, dressed in his Chinese silk clothing. "I'm afraid you've caught me on the way out, though."

"Ummm, sorry about that."

"No problems. Anyway, what did you want?"

"Well...I wanted to apologize for wandering off like I did."

"It's okay. I understood."

Ryouga reddened slightly. "Just once, I wish you didn't have to say that. Really, I hate my curse..." He glanced up. "I also wanted to spar. But if you're going out..."

Akane piped up. "I'd be willing to spar with you."

"...Huh?" Ryouga glanced over at her.

"Well, Tenchi is going out with Kasumi-oneechan, and Nabiki's out visiting a friend. So you'd be doing me a favour." She bowed towards him.

"Ummm..." Ryouga rubbed the back of his head.

Tenchi took pity on him. "Ryouga, Akane is a very skilled martial artist. You might even find her a challenge." He grinned. "After all, she beat me."

Akane flushed.

"All right, I guess..." Ryouga chuckled. "It just seems odd, is all."

"What's that?"

"Well, I came to spar with Tenchi, and Akane offers to fight me...it just seems...I dunno..." He shook his head, grinning. "All right, Akane. Where's the dojo?"

Akane giggled and grabbed his hand. "Come on, this way." She led him from the room.

Kasumi came down the stairs. Tenchi turned and offered an arm.

* * *

"Daddy built the dojo many years ago, before I was born. He and Mom were the only practicioners of the Tendo School of Unrestricted Grappling, though Mom stopped practicing as much after Kasumi was born. Both of them wanted to pass on the school to their children, and keep the form alive."

"It's a nice dojo." Ryouga looked around the room, noted the shrine, the iroha and the small equipment closet. The dojo's walls were in good shape, though he noted that the bamboo walls made for quick and easy repair. The beams of the roof were massive timbers, with a few ropes hanging from them to support dummies and targets. At the moment, all of the ropes were tied back, and the tatami was clear of any equipment save two cinder blocks in the corner.

Akane crossed the tatami and turned to face Ryouga. "Do you have a gi in that pack, or are you just gonna fight in your street clothes?"

"If I am attacked, I doubt my assailant will give me time to change my clothes." He pulled his umbrella free and dropped his pack against the wall. He turned and faced Akane, umbrella at the ready.

"Ummm...what's with the umbrella?"

"Uh? Oh, it's my weapon of choice."

"...right."

"No, really." He crossed over to her, held the umbrella out in his left hand. "Here, try holding it."

She smirked, reached out and grabbed the umbrella from his grasp.

And was promptly pulled down by its weight to the floor.

"Ow--What's this thing made out of?"

"I'm not sure." He picked it up. "If you want, I can fight bare-handed. Normally, when Tenchi and I spar, I use this and he uses a bokuto."

"Ouch. Yeah, bare-handed is good." She bowed to the shrine and the iroha, then to her opponent. Ryouga followed suit, then shifted to a ready stance.

Akane launched herself forward, driving a shot at Ryouga's stomach. Ryouga sidestepped, parrying the shot with his right hand and swinging for her head with his left. She ducked under the blow, attempted to foot-sweep him, but he merely jumped over her foot.

For almost five minutes they exchanged blows, neither managing to get a good hit in. Then Akane stepped back, considering him.

"Damn, you're good."

"Thanks." Ryouga was breathing hard. "You're not bad either...best workout I've had in a while."

She smirked. "We're not done yet." She launched herself into the air.

The Tendo School of Unrestricted Grappling is a martial art based on two concepts: mobility and misdirection. Mostly Akane practised kempo, a very straightforward art. But she was convinced that Ryouga could easily counter any kempo maneuver she knew.

Akane's foot passed through the space formerly occupied by Ryouga's head. Her foot hit one of the massive support beams in the wall, and she allowed her leg to bend, then leapt off the wall. Ryouga was still moving, rolling to his feet, and he reached out and plucked her from the air.

"Yipe!"

Ryouga tossed her across the room, and she rolled to her feet.

"Not bad, Akane, though your kempo is better."

"How..." She stared at him in amazement.

"You forget that I've practised against Tenchi a lot."

"...Right. Tenchi uses Anything Goes for defense." She shook her head, bemused. "I was thinking you'd be able to defeat any kempo move I could come up with."

"The problem is that you don't have enough aerial speed yet. For the moment, I'd say that if you miss with a jumping strike, turn it into a pounce, rather than another jump."

"All right, thanks." She grinned. "You want a drink? I think Kasumi left some lemonade in the fridge."

"All right." He grabbed a towel from his pack and mopped his forehead. "Lead on."

* * *

"So Tenchi and Kasumi are dating?"

"Well...kind of."

"Tenchi has always attracted female attention, usually more than he wants. But except for Sayoko, he's never really shown much interest in chasing girls."

"He doesn't like girls?"

"No, not what I mean." Ryouga chuckled. "Tenchi definitely likes girls. You have to understand, Akane. Most guys talk about nothing but girls. With Tenchi it's at least martial arts and girls. But he's never really looked for a girlfriend."

"...oh."

"But I didn't know he was dating Kasumi. I mean, he's always preferred older women."

Akane darkened.

"And I know he loves to eat. I hear Kasumi's a really good cook."

Akane twitched.

"Come to think of it, Kasumi's very much like Tenchi's stepmother. Probably why he likes her."

"_All right, enough already!_" Akane jumped to her feet and glowered at Ryouga.

"...sorry. What did I say?"

Akane deflated. "I'm sorry, Ryouga. It's just that...I've been very frustrated in the past, and I guess you touched an open nerve."

"Sorry." Ryouga sighed. "I don't have the best tact, I guess."

Akane sat down. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Ryouga." She smiled at him. "You're a really nice guy, you know that? I see why Tenchi likes you so much."

Ryouga looked back at her, eyes wide.

_Kami-sama, she's cute when she smiles..._

* * *

Ryouga bowed to Akane and turned to leave. He wandered in the general direction of the gate, his head awhirl with thoughts.

_Tenchi is dating Kasumi. Akane is really nice, and I think she actually likes me. And she's cute! And so nice to people. And twice now she's sought out my company!_ He smiled. _I thought she and Tenchi were dating. And they're not! I can ask her out!_

He jumped for joy, one fist raised to the sky, a look of pure happiness on his face.

**_SPLASH_**

And landed in the koi pond.

* * *

Akane looked up as Nabiki entered the room.

"Oneechan! When did you get back?"

"Just now. Where's Tenchi?"

She sniffed. "On a date with Kasumi."

"Hm." She grinned. "As soon as he realizes how horrible a choice she'd be, he'll come running back to me."

"_What?"_ Akane snarled at her. "What on earth makes you think he'd prefer you? After all, I'm a much better martial artist than you! And he thinks I'm smart! And he thinks I'm cute! And I've been spending some time with his best friend, too!" She smirked. "Obviously, I'm a better choice for him than you."

"Right. Whatever."

**_SPLASH_**

"What was that?"

Akane walked over to the shogi and pulled it open. She staggered back as a small black blur shot in through the door.

Nabiki knelt and looked at the black piglet, hunched in the corner.

"A pig?"

Akane walked over and looked at the pig. "Where did that come from?"

"I dunno." Nabiki picked up the pig. "Maybe it's someone's pet. I don't see any tags on its collar, though."

Akane looked at the collar. "Wow. I'm sure I've seen that collar before."

"Where?"

She shook her head. "I can't remember. Maybe he's got a tattoo on the ear?"

Nabiki checked the pig's ear. "Nope." She checked something else. "Though you're right. It's a he. Well, no ownership marks. I guess I can keep him."

"Huh?" Akane stared at her. "You...keeping a pet?"

"Yep. Potbellied pigs are expensive pets." She tucked the pig under her arm. "I'm going for a bath." She walked down the hallway.

Akane shrugged, then went back to her homework.

* * *

"That band was really good!" Kasumi's face was lit with happiness. Her step was bouncy, and her expression radiant. Tenchi chuckled as she grabbed his hand and dragged him along.

"Wow, Kasumi. You're sure enjoying this."

"Well..." She giggled. "I'm afraid I don't get out much...this is a nice switch for me. And I've had a lot of fun! I've never eaten at a yatai before!"

"Never?"

"No! Oh, I knew about them, but..." She laughed again. "Oh, my! I always wanted to go out on a date, but I never could!"

"Why not?"

"Well, always right after school, I had to go home to take care of the house." She shrugged, still smiling. "And besides, I never met a guy who was really interested in me."

"Never?" Tenchi thought of the good doctor.

"Well, I know that Tofu-sensei likes me..." She sighed. "You had to bring me out of my good mood, didn't you?"

"Sorry."

"Well, I suppose this had to be covered eventually. Tofu-sensei is a really sweet man, and a lot of fun to be around. But...I don't know. There's just no spark on my side. I mean, I'd never want to date him. It's just not there."

"Akane thinks you just don't notice."

"Well, I suppose I try to make it look that way. He's a very nice man, and I like him a lot...just not how he wants me to. I don't want to discourage him, because I don't want to hurt him."

"I suppose."

"But I can't encourage him either. You see my problem." She sighed again, then grabbed his hand. "But let's not depress anyone." The smile returned--not the absent-minded one that she normally wore, or the overly sweet one she had used on him several times in the past, but the brilliant one that let you _know_ she was happy. "Tenchi, I thought that just going to see a band would be boring! But they were funny, and they talked some, too. And the yatai, and the music, and there's still the park--would you push me on a swing?"

"Kasumi, I swear you're trying to make up for all your lost time in one shot!"

"Maybe I am!" She laughed. "But it's nice, not having to worry for once. Not have to be a mother figure, not have to be 'oneechan'--" She turned spirals, arms outstretched. "I can just have fun, and not worry..."

Tenchi sat down on a bench, shaking his head in bemusement. Once she had warmed to the situation, she had thrown all of her energy into just having fun. So much so that she was in danger of wearing him out.

Kasumi noticed him sitting down, and ran over to sit next to him. "Tenchi? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just need to take a quick break."

Kasumi blushed. "I'm sorry. I'm giddy as a schoolgirl, I know. It's just..."

"You're finally getting a chance to just be you. For the last ten years, you've been forced to grow up too quickly. There's still a little kid, deep down inside you. The teenager you never got to be."

"Yes..." She nodded, subdued. "Akane always needed my help, she was forever getting herself scraped, sprained, scratched or otherwise damaged. Nabiki tried to help, but was just a little too young..." She quickly wiped away a tear.

Tenchi, a little unsure of himself, reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. She covered it with her own.

"All these years, I've had to be the dependable one. The one who cleaned, who cooked, who did the shopping. I had to make a lot of really hard decisions, Tenchi. I sold the family's car, because we needed the money and couldn't really afford the expense. I had to nag the other two to get them to clean their rooms, and to help out sometimes with the housework. Probably why both of them hate housework so much now..." She sniffled. "Daddy still needs so much help at times, and I could never really let my feelings show...couldn't let the girls see how much I hated nagging them...couldn't let Daddy see that I really just wanted to collapse like he did...always had to show a strong face to the world, when I really just wanted to break down..."

Tears were streaming down her face now, and she shuddered. Tenchi, feeling uncomfortable and insecure, but knowing he needed to do something, reached out and pulled her into a hug. She grabbed him, held him tightly.

They sat under the moon for a long time, silent save for the occasional sniffle from Kasumi. At length, she pulled away, pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Tenchi..."

"It's okay. Really."

"Thank you..." She smiled faintly. "I guess I needed to catch up with that, too."

* * *

Nabiki entered the bathroom, set out the sign and closed the door. She put the pig down on the floor and struggled out of her t-shirt.

"Oh, man, I'm tired." She dropped the t-shirt into the hamper and unclasped her bra. She glanced down at the pig, who for some reason was struggling to open the closet door. "As for you...let's see, I'll have to get your shots done, maybe get you fixed..." She laughed at the pig's expression of horror. "Well, I guess we can forego the neutering. Need a name for you...P-Chan works, I guess." She stepped out of her shorts and panties, picked up the bucket and started filling it. "You're quite dirty as well. Best get you clean."

She upended the bucket over herself, shivering at the cold. She then grabbed the soap and lathered herself up.

P-Chan continued to stare at her, eyes wide. She scowled at him.

"Dirty-minded little thing, aren't you?" She grinned evilly. "Not that you probably care, since you're a pig." She stretched provocatively. P-Chan fell over sideways and she laughed. Then she grabbed the bucket and dumped it over herself again.

"Brr...that's cold. Your turn." She grabbed the pig and turned the showerhead on him, then lathered and rinsed him. By the time she was done, the pig was shivering as much as she was.

"Enough of this silliness. What we both need at this point is a good hot soak." She picked up the pig and opened the door to the furo. She stepped into the tub, sat down and let the heat start relaxing her.

P-Chan was struggling like mad to get away. She frowned, then leaned over to set him on the floor. But she lost her grip, and the pig fell into the water.

"Damn! Where did he go?"

Ryouga's head broke the surface.

"Ack!" Nabiki slid as fast as she could away from Ryouga. Ryouga, for his part, was too stunned to move.

"Ryouga! How did you get in here?"

"I'm sorry! You brought me in here!"

"...I did?" Nabiki stared at him, then groaned. "You're P-Chan, aren't you? A Jushenkyou curse."

"Yeah. I'm really sorry, I'll get out..." He shifted to leave, but Nabiki reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Hold on, I want to talk to you."

"But you're..." He gestured at her.

"It's not like there's anything left that you haven't seen." Nabiki looked disgusted with herself. "I guess that'll teach me not to tease small animals."

Ryouga laughed somewhat unsteadily.

"This brings me to the point, though. You got a free peep show."

"I didn't--"

"Not that I really mind. After all, it's just meat." She grinned evilly. "But I can tell it upsets you. So if you want, I'll offer a way for you to repay me."

"Anything!"

"That's the sort of attitude I like." She sat back, one hand toying with the tap. "So, we'll begin now. Stand up."

"...Uh?"

"Stand up, Ryouga!"

"Ummm...okay." He stood up.

She looked him up and down. "Very nice."

He blushed.

"Now, if you will just step out of the furo..."

He stepped out of the furo, still blushing.

Nabiki lifted the shower head and hosed him down with a stream of cold water. She got out of the furo and picked up the pig.

"Now, here's the deal. I've always wanted a pet. And a pet that can go many places, and tell me what happened there, is worth its weight in gold. So you work for me, and I'll give you a place to stay, whenever you're in Nerima. And of course, it stands to reason that I'd not mind taking my pet pig in with me when I go for a bath. Free peep show, every night."

P-Chan shook his head.

"What? You're refusing this?" She looked at the pig oddly. "I was certain you found the view...enticing." She grinned. "Or maybe I just have an honourable pig on my hands. All right, I'll throw in five thousand yen a week, and all the table scraps you can eat. Plus the peep show."

P-Chan shook his head. Nabiki sighed. "You know, it's really hard to negotiate with a pig." She dropped him back into the furo.

Ryouga surfaced, sputtering. Nabiki sat down on a stool, facing him.

"Now then...let's hear your offer."

"Nabiki..." He blushed. "I am not used to someone as...direct...as yourself."

She shrugged.

"I will accept your offer...provided you help me win Akane's heart."

Nabiki nearly fell off the stool. "You want Akane?"

"Yes."

"Even though she wants Tenchi?"

"She does?" Ryouga looked stunned.

"Of course, so do I. And I'm willing to wager that so does Kasumi."

"But isn't Tenchi dating Kasumi?"

"Well, yes. But he's dated all three of us. In fact, he's engaged to all three of us."

"_What?_"

"Not so loud." Nabiki glanced at the door nervously. "You want Akane to come in here? She lives to flatten perverts."

Ryouga scowled and looked away from her. "That was the other problem I have with your deal...I'm not a pervert."

"Hm? Oh, don't worry, Ryouga-chan. I don't mind. In fact, it's nice seeing proof that I can turn on a guy..." She stretched again.

Ryouga sank beneath the waterline.

"Oh, good Lord. Boy, we have got to work on that shyness."

* * *

Outside the house, Tenchi and Kasumi had just arrived at the compound. Tenchi had offered Kasumi his arm for the trip back, but Kasumi had slipped in close to him, and placed an arm around his waist. She stepped back from him as they entered the front gate.

"Tenchi, I had a very good time tonight. The band was very good, and I enjoyed our...talk...by the lake."

"I'm glad you had fun, Kasumi. I was a bit worried you'd find it kinda lame."

"Well...it might have been...but you were very good company." She stepped in close to him. "And...I was wrong, Tenchi. I don't think it's love...but I wouldn't mind too much if you did pick me." She kissed him softly, then turned and walked into the house.

Tenchi sighed, a smile on his face.

"_Tenchi!_"

Tenchi whirled to face...Ryouga, charging at him from the direction of the dojo.

"Once again, you've destroyed my happiness, before it even got a chance to appear! _You must pay!_"

"Wha--" He dodged as Ryouga's umbrella smacked into the ground beside him. "What did I do?"

"You dare to mock my suffering?" Ryouga lifted the umbrella and started a series of rapid thrusts towards Tenchi.

"Look, man, let's just talk it over..."

"As if mere words could convey the depths of your treachery!"

"Oh, man, I just _hate_ it when you do this..."

Tenchi grabbed Ryouga's arm and tossed him over the wall. He ran to the front door, grabbed his bokuto and turned to defend himself.

Ryouga came charging back through the gate.

_Wow, he must really be torqued...he found the gate on the first try!_

Ryouga slashed at him with the umbrella. Tenchi jumped over the swing, took the opportunity to strike at Ryouga's head. Ryouga blocked the shot--effective against the bokuto, though his umbrella would probably also have stopped a real katana.

All three sisters had gathered on the front porch.

Tenchi stepped back, bokuto held at the ready. "Look, Ryouga. I don't know what I might have done to tick you off. I mean, I haven't even been here, right?"

"Shut up!" Ryouga swung the umbrella. Tenchi blocked, and was dismayed to see his bokuto shattered.

"I'll get another!" Akane jumped down from the porch and ran towards the dojo.

"Akane! No, stay on the porch!"

Ryouga pulled several headbands off of his head--he seemed to be wearing a large number of them--and spun them in his hand. He launched them into the air like shuriken.

Tenchi parried one with the remains of his bokuto. Others slammed into the house wall, damaging it severely.

At the same time, Ryouga threw the umbrella like a javelin, straight at Tenchi's head. Tenchi started to dodge...then realized that if he did so, the umbrella would strike one of the Tendo sisters.

He grabbed both of them and jumped to the roof. The umbrella smashed into the door behind them.

Ryouga pulled off his belt and snapped it once. It straightened and held its shape like a rod.

Tenchi set down the girls. "Stay here until it's safe!"

"Tenchi...be careful."

He nodded. "Don't worry."

Ryouga slashed at the porch supporting rods.

**_CREAK_**

"Kuso..." Tenchi grabbed the girls again, pushed off from the porch. He landed awkwardly, but set both girls down safely.

Akane returned, and flung Tenchi's bokuto to him. He snagged it, then turned and struck with a rising snap of the wrist.

The tip of the bokuto slammed into Ryouga's chin, knocking him back. The belt flew from his grasp, directly towards Nabiki.

Nabiki squawked, but was shoved out of the path of the flying belt by Kasumi.

The belt hacked through Kasumi's hair, shearing most of its length.

Nabiki and Akane and Ryouga and Tenchi stared at Kasumi.

Kasumi shakily raised a hand to the back of her head. She ran the hand along the remains of her hair.

"Oh, my..."

Tenchi turned to Ryouga. "You broke the Code, Ryouga."

"_What?_ I didn't--"

"You allowed a weapon to leave your control and harm an innocent."

"But she's not hurt, is she?"

"No." Akane stared at him, eyes smouldering. "But she sure got a bad cut."

Tenchi stepped towards Ryouga, sword raised. Kasumi stepped forwards, placed a hand on Tenchi's arm. "No, Tenchi. Don't hit him."

Tenchi looked at her. "You sure?"

"Quite."

**_WHAM_**

**_SPLASH_**

"Ow..." Kasumi cradled her hand. "I think I need some ice for this."

Tenchi looked in the direction Ryouga had flown. "Now that he had coming."

* * *

"Bwee."

Nabiki stopped, picked up the pig.

"You know, P-Chan, I don't know if I quite agree with Tenchi. Ryouga's weapon was outside his control when it hit Kasumi."

The pig looked relieved.

"But that doesn't mean I forgive him. Kasumi gave him just what he deserved. Now as for you...you seem quite cold. I have a blanket to warm you up with. But there's not gonna be any hot baths for you for quite some time." She chuckled. "After all, hot water's not good for pigs."

P-Chan's ears drooped. Nabiki laughed.

"Don't worry...eventually, I'll let you change back. Just not for a while. Besides, things aren't gonna be healthy around here for you for the next few days.

"But don't worry. I'm sure I can find some things to keep you busy."

* * *

"Ah, now I find you..."

The woman laughed quietly, brushing a lock of cyan hair out of her eyes.

"Ready or not, here I come..."


	7. No Need for a Vacation

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Seven**

**No Need for a Vacation**

* * *

"Hey, Kasumi. Could you pass me the rice?"

Kasumi wordlessly lifted the rice, passed it to Tenchi.

"Uh, thanks."

Kasumi went back to her own meal.

"Hey, you feeling all right, Kasumi?"

"Yes, Tenchi. Thank you for asking." Her voice was little more than a whisper.

"...okay."

Tenchi studied the eldest Tendo sister. Kasumi had taken her impromptu hair cut very poorly. Her hair - what was left of it - was bound in a scarf, and her eyes were downcast. Tenchi couldn't figure it out - why was she taking it so hard? Yes, it was probably a shock - who knows how long she'd worked at that hair, just to lose it all in a single moment. But still...

His train of thought was interrupted by the arrival of Nabiki. In her arms was a small black pig. Tenchi eyed the pig.

"Hey, Nabiki. New pet?"

"Yup." She grinned. "Isn't he cute?" Her voice was matter-of-fact. "I've gotta go to the vet, get him checked out, get his shots up to date and get him licensed. Probably do it during lunch hour."

"Got a name for him?"

"P-Chan." She grinned, wickedly this time. "Mostly because he seems to hate it."

Tenchi rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth to comment further, but was interrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing.

Kasumi stood, moved slowly to the phone. "Tendo dojo, may I help you? Yes, he's here."

Kasumi turned to Tenchi. "For you, Tenchi. It's a lady named Nodoka."

"Huh?" Tenchi scrambled to his feet and took the phone.

"Hi there!"

"Hello, Tenchi!" His stepmother's voice was as cheerful as ever. "I just heard that you were staying at the Tendo-ke, and thought I might call you up."

_So much for Grandfather getting me some breathing room._ "Uh, well, yes. Dad and I got into Nerima about a week ago."

"And you haven't called me?"

"Well, things have been kinda hectic here, so..."

"I can understand that." She sounded amused. "I assume you have found out about the engagement?"

"Was that your idea?"

"No, it was your father's, and Katsuhito seemed to like the idea. But surely, it can't be that much of a strain on you."

Tenchi groaned.

"But in any event, the reason I called you was to invite you to come and visit me."

"Uhh...visit you? Isn't it my home too?"

"Well, yes, but since you're living at the Tendo-ke now, I think that it would be best for you to think of it as your home. After all, someday, it will be."

"Great."

"But I was thinking more that we could go out to the temple together and visit your grandfather."

"Err...I guess..."

"Tenchi, whatever is the matter? You used to love to go to visit him."

"Well, I'm a little less than happy with him at the moment."

"No surprise. Well, this will give you a chance to air out your problems with him, try to find a compromise."

_Yeah, right._ "Sure, Nodoka. I would be happy to go."

"I'm so glad. I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Today!? Mom, I have school today!"

**_CLICK_**

"Great. Just great." Tenchi sighed and hung up the phone. He moped back to the table and sat down.

"My stepmother has decided that today would be a marvelous day for us to go out to the shrine."

"Really?" Nabiki's eyes lit up. "That would be great! I've wanted to meet your grandfather for the longest time."

"Nabiki, are you nuts? We have school today!"

"Well, my grades are more than good enough to take the hit. You came in halfway through the semester, so you're toast anyway--"

"Hey!"

Kasumi piped up. "I would also like to see the shrine. It's probably very beautiful there."

Tenchi started to worry.

Akane bounced down the stairs. "Hey, what's the ruckus?"

"Tenchi's stepmother is taking us to the shrine." Nabiki grinned. "Pity you have school today."

"So do you, Sis."

"Yes, but my grades are excellent. How are yours?"

Tenchi started to sweat.

"My grades can take it! I can use a day off!"

"You'll just be bored."

"No, I won't! Remember, Katsuhito is the one who taught Tenchi martial arts. Besides, you just want a chance to get him alone so you can get your claws into him!"

Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "And what if he wants my claws into him? As opposed to your meathooks?"

Tenchi started to panic.

* * *

Tenchi dropped his backpack at the front door, rifled through it one last time. "Two changes of clothes, some manga, a thermos of hot water...guess I'm set."

He stood up, looked over to where the rest of the bags sat. "Let's see. Nodoka's picking us up in twenty minutes. Kasumi's getting her hair halfway fixed. Akane and Nabiki are taking P-Chan to the vet's - guess we'll have to pick them up. But they're packed and ready to go."

He rummaged through his backpack again, rearranging everything. Suddenly, his hand touched cold metal.

"Hm? What the heck...?"

He sat back, pulled out the sword hilt.

"Wow. I'd managed to completely forget this." He laughed.

"I didn't."

"Huh?" He turned, to see a cyan-haired woman standing behind him.

"Who the heck are you?"

She shivered. "It was cold in there, Tenchi. And you were going to lock me back in there."

"_Huh?_"

"But you forgot to put the key back in place."

Tenchi stared at her. "Oh, no...Ryoko."

The woman grinned, and a ball of energy began to form in her hand. "I'm free now, and it's time for some revenge!" She threw her hand forward, and the ball of energy exploded towards Tenchi.

Tenchi dodged to the left, and the blast destroyed the door. Tenchi ran down the hall, grabbed a bokuto as he ran. He turned when he reached the family room.

"Come on, you monster!"

"Monster?!" The demon-girl threw another blast. Tenchi parried the blast, gaped at the smoking ruins of his bokuto.

"I am not a monster!" She threw another blast, and Tenchi dived out the family room door, rolling to his feet in the garden.

"Damn! What do I do?" He cudgeled his brain, trying to come up with something - _anything_ - from the old legends his grandfather had told him about this demon.

"Something about 'three gems for power'..."

He started, remembering the hilt. He looked at it--

Of the three gems on the hilt, there were only two present. One was missing from its socket.

"Oh, damn." He looked up to see Ryoko approaching.

"Tenchi..." She smiled, almost seductively. "Now you're gonna pay for locking me up!"

"It wasn't me!" Tenchi babbled. "It was my ancestor Yosho! I didn't do it!"

"Oh, I don't mind." She grinned. "I just want someone to pay. Doesn't matter who." She gathered another ball of energy, threw it at him.

"Crap!" Tenchi turned to dodge, but the shot was too close.

**_BLAM_**

"Huh?" Tenchi turned back, to see the hilt floating between the two of them. Ryoko's shot had bounced off of it, dissipating harmlessly.

Tenchi reached out and took the hilt. A glowing blade of energy snapped into existence from the keyons.

Ryoko stepped back. Her hand flexed, and Tenchi noticed the small bead on her wrist. Then Ryoko also held an energy blade, and swung it at him.

Tenchi instinctively parried, then pressed the attack. Ryoko was rapidly driven backward by the force of his attacks. Finally, Tenchi slashed out and chopped off her hand, just below the wrist.

The hand disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the gem bounced along to land at Tenchi's feet.

Tenchi just stood there, not believing his own actions.

Ryoko looked at the stump of her hand, then shrugged.

"Oh well, another defeat. The story of my life."

"I'm sorry, the sword seemed to have a mind of it's own, I didn't mean to hurt you. Sorry!" He bowed to her.

"Oh, it's all right, Tenchi." She smiled, pressed the stump of her wrist to her remaining hand.

The hand reformed intact. She bowed, then faded into the ground.

Tenchi looked back at the house. There were several fires burning inside it, luckily small enough to contain, provided he got at it right now. He grabbed the fire extinguisher, quickly put down the fires.

"Good thing this place has oil heating and an electric stove. If there had been a gas main in the house..."

"_My house!_"

Tenchi turned to see Tendo-san and his father at the door, bags of sake in hand.

Tendo was a complete wreck, bawling his eyes out. Genma turned to Tenchi.

"What happened here, boy?"

"Demon attacked me." Tenchi shrugged. "I'm not entirely certain why."

"Who is going to fix my house?" Tendo was still a wreck.

Tenchi sighed. "The damage is not too extensive, Tendo-san. Will your insurance cover it?"

"Well..." Tendo calmed down. "I suppose it will."

Tenchi grinned. "I'll add to it." He pulled out his wallet, handed Tendo a sizeable amount of yen. "This should help cover the damages."

"Thank you, Tenchi."

Genma's eyes bugged out at the size of the wad of cash Tenchi handed over. "Have you been holding out on your father, boy?"

"Nope. It's the last of my spending money this month." He shrugged. "I'm not gonna hold out on Tendo-san - for whatever reason, the demon attacked me in Tendo's house."

"Oh, but you're willing to hold out on your own father!"

"Yep."

* * *

And so it was a rather larger group that stood at the gates as Nodoka pulled up. She got out of the taxi and looked at the small party.

"Why, how nice! Tenchi, you are bringing all three of your girlfriends with you?"

"Mom, they aren't precisely--_oof!_"

Nabiki removed her elbow from Tenchi's side. "'Girlfriend' works."

Kasumi bowed to Nodoka. "A pleasure to meet you, Saotome-san. Tenchi has told me many good things about you."

"Kasumi, come on, let's get these bags loaded!" Akane was already putting things into the trunk of the taxi. "We're gonna miss the train if we don't hustle!"

Tenchi closed his eyes in pain. Pain only partially caused by Nabiki's elbow.

"Why me?"

* * *

"Ah, Tenchi! So good to see you!"

Tenchi couldn't help grinning; he really liked Katsuhito...despite everything the man was currently putting him through. "Hey, Grandpa. How's life treating you?"

"Oh, all the same. Can't find a woman who's young, pretty and willing to tolerate an old coot like me." Katsuhito grinned. "These, I take it, are Tendo Soun's three daughters?"

Kasumi bowed to the elder. Her hair had been cut quite short, making her look...cute. It rather disturbed Tenchi, as Kasumi wasn't the sort of person who should look cute.

"Pleased to meet you, Masaki-san!"

He returned the bow, a glint of mischief in his eye. "So you are Tendo Kasumi, ne? I welcome you to my house. Please, make yourself at home."

He bowed to Nabiki. "Tendo Nabiki, your father has told me of your cleverness and sharp wit. He has said that you are an honour to your house. Please honour my house with your presence."

Tenchi looked at his grandfather oddly.

Katsuhito bowed last to Akane. "Tendo Akane, your name comes to me as that of a warrior without peer. May you leave this place with more knowledge than you arrived with." He chuckled. "But please don't leave right away."

Finally he turned to Tenchi again. "Well, Tenchi. Can't make up your mind, so you brought all three?"

Tenchi blushed.

"Well, never mind." He turned to the three girls. "Of course, if any of you wish to speak with me regarding the engagement, please feel free. Don't hold back."

None of the girls spoke. Akane drew small circles in the dirt with her sneaker.

"Well, for the meantime, I'll install you all in bedrooms." He turned and walked towards the house. "I have four spare rooms. Tenchi, you shall have the one at the end of the hall."

"Ummm...Grandpa, that's Mom's old room..."

"Yes, and I think that she'd be happy knowing that you are there." The six entered the house, walked up the stairs. "She's no doubt proud of the man you've become."

Tenchi felt ten feet tall.

"Kendo practice, first thing in the morning."

Make that ten inches.

"As for you three...Akane, you take Tenchi's old room. Nabiki, this one's yours. Last one to sleep here was a schoolteacher, twenty-six years ago. Kasumi, this one you may use. And Nodoka...I fear I must put you in this room."

Nodoka put her hand on the door and closed her eyes. "It must be fifteen years since I slept in this room."

"You lived here, Mom?"

"Yes, Tenchi. For seven years I lived here. I moved into this house shortly after I met your mother." She smiled sadly. "A tale I don't think I ever told you, about how your mother befriended an outcaste girl..." She shook her head. "I'll tell you later."

"That's a promise."

"Yes. It is."

Tenchi nodded.

* * *

Kasumi clapped and bowed her head in prayer.

Tenchi looked around the shrine. His grandfather kept it in perfect condition, as always. How he did it was beyond Tenchi. It seemed that Katsuhito had a limitless number of jobs that needed doing about the grounds, so many that even after he set Tenchi to the cleaning of the shrine - a job that took almost three hours to do properly - the old man was still busy almost from dawn to dusk.

Kasumi clapped again, then stepped back from the shrine. She turned and smiled at Tenchi.

"Thank you, Tenchi. This is a beautiful place."

"You're welcome, Kasumi-chan."

She coloured slightly, then turned to point to one of the pictures on the shrine. "Tenchi, who is this?"

It was an extremely old photograph, but the odd thing was the subject...

"Hey...that girl looks just like my girl form..."

Tenchi shivered.

"According to this, she's Masaki Tamura, one of your ancestors."

"I'll have to ask Grandfather about it."

"Good idea." She sighed. "This whole area is beautiful, not just the shrine. The lake..." She turned and stretched a hand out toward the water. "I've never seen a lake so blue. The forest is magnificent. The whole place just...glows."

"Yeah, it is nice. It's even nicer down in the glade." He gestured to a small path to the side. "Down that path is a small glade and pond, and a large tree of some sort. I don't know what kind. Grandfather often goes down there and talks to the tree."

"Talks..."

"I don't know. Maybe it's some sort of priest thing. Something he's not told me yet."

"Why was the shrine built?"

Tenchi smacked himself in the head. "Oh, damn. I almost forgot. Ryoko!"

"Ryoko?"

"The demon that this place is supposed to contain. I sort of accidentally...set her free." He turned and began to run down the stairs.

"Tenchi! Wait up!"

* * *

"Grandpa!"

Tenchi ran into the house, looked around.

"Grandpa, where are you?"

"_Aaahhhhhhh!_"

"Kuso..." Tenchi turned and ran up the stairs.

Akane bolted out of his old room. "_There's a girl in my bed!_"

Tenchi ran in.

"Why, hello, Tenchi!"

He groaned. "Ryoko."

"Why yes. Who did you expect?" The cyan-haired girl stood up and glided over to Tenchi - literally glided, her feet a few inches above the ground. "Did you miss me?"

"Tenchi, what the heck is going on?"

"I dunno! Ryoko, why were you in Akane's bed?"

"Well, I thought it was your bed. But I guess you've moved."

"What's all the noise in here?" Katsuhito stepped into the bedroom, then did a double take.

"Ryoko!"

"Hello, Yosho! Glad to see you're still around as well!"

Tenchi looked at Katsuhito, puzzled. "Yosho?"

"Well, I guess the picture in the shrine is halfway accurate after all." Katsuhito grinned. "I always thought it looked too much like me..."

Ryoko looked at him oddly. "What do you-"

Katsuhito pinched her lips shut. "Later."

Akane looked deeply disturbed. "Let me get this straight. You're a demoness?"

"Yep. And a very attractive one, too!" She grinned.

"And you thought you were hiding in Tenchi's bed."

"Yep. It was going to be a surprise."

"I bet," Akane growled. She pulled out her mallet and smashed the demoness.

"Ow--"

She then proceeded to pound Tenchi.

"Ow! What did I do?"

She shouldered the mallet. "There's no way I'm gonna let you flirt with a demoness."

"I wasn't--"

Ryoko floated up, a mallet-shaped bruise on her face. "You little..."

_**WHAM**_

Ryoko dodged the swing, and Akane's mallet slammed into the floor. The demoness shifted back, then started to gather energy for a blast. Akane readied her mallet for another swing.

Tenchi stepped between the two girls, arms outstretched. "_That's enough!_"

Both girls paused, destruction held at bay in their hands.

"Akane, get this straight. Thanks to my idiot father, I already have three fiancees. I do _not_ want a fourth. Ryoko, the girls on this property are under my protection. Don't harm them, or I _will_ put you back in the cave."

The two girls glowered at each other, then turned their backs.

"As long as Miss Hothead here keeps her temper - and her mallet - under control, she's safe."

"Fine by me. You keep away from Tenchi, and you'll stay safe."

"Good enough." Tenchi left the room, started down the stairs. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the hot spring."

"Hey, Tenchi."

Tenchi looked up to see Nabiki, wearing a robe and carrying P-Chan, approaching the hot spring. "Oh, hi, Nabiki."

"Something the matter? A certain demoness causing you some grief?"

"Well, as a matter of fact...yes."

"Hm. Which one, Ryoko or Akane?"

"That's hardly fair, Nabiki."

She shrugged and set down the pig. She gave him a nudge. "Go on...have some fun."

The pig wandered off.

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. P-Chan's a clever pig. Just has a bit of trouble finding his way around."

"Maybe he's got the Hibiki Directional Curse."

"_Huh?_"

"A joke, a joke." Tenchi chuckled.

"Oh." She shrugged, and removed her robe.

"_Ack!_" Tenchi dived for the bottom.

Nabiki laughed. "Don't worry!" She slipped into the water until she was immersed up to her neck. "Is this better?"

"Uh, thanks." Tenchi sat back up.

"Honestly! You've grown up in a shrine with a hot spring, and you react this poorly to someone coming to soak?"

"Let's just say that most of the time, they're not potential wives. Or at least, not my potential wife."

"Gotcha. Sorry."

"Oh, I guess it's all right. I mean, Akane walked in on me in the bath."

"True." She giggled. "So the only one left to see is Kasumi."

"Right. And then I can make an informed decision." He chuckled, then sighed. "If only it were that easy."

"Hey, Tenchi..." She slid closer to him, took his hand. "If it's any help, you can be sure that at least neither Akane nor myself would refuse you."

"Yeah, but what right do I have to trap you in a marriage? Where's your choice in this?"

"Simple." She leaned closer to him, till their faces were merely inches away.

"Ack!"

She placed a hand on his cheek, leaned closer still to his face. "I would choose--"

"Hello, you two!"

"Kuso..." Nabiki slid back quickly. "Hi, Kasumi-Oneechan. Perfect timing." The last was muttered under her breath.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt anything?" She let her robe drop to the ground and stepped into the spring.

Nabiki chuckled. "There you go, Tenchi. Now you can make an informed decision."

"Nabiki, what on earth are you talking about. Ara...Tenchi, why are you blushing?"

Tenchi collapsed onto the futon that used to belong to his parents.

There was a knocking on the door. He sat up. "Come in!"

Nodoka stepped into his room and shut the door behind her.

"Hi, Mom."

She smiled, shook her head softly. "You so often call me that..."

"Gomen..."

"No, I guess it's all right." She crossed the room and sat at the foot of the futon. "Your mother died when you were so young, and then Katsuhito asked me to marry Genma..."

"He asked you?!"

"Yes." She looked down. "I was an outcaste, thrown out of my father's home. I came here, looking just for a place to stay until I could get my feet back under me. Your grandfather told me I could stay here as long as I wished, and even train in Kendo under him, in exchange for two things. The first, that I befriend his daughter." She smiled. "Not that that was hard. Your mother was so easy to get along with. But she was always somewhat weak. And, she was saddled with an idiot for a husband. She seemed to love him, but I still don't see why."

"You mean Dad, right?"

"Yes." She nodded. "The other thing Katsuhito asked was that at some time in the future, he would ask a great service of me, to save his family's line. And when your mother died, he called that favour due."

"Oh, man. So you had to marry this guy you didn't even like, let alone love, just because you needed a place to stay?"

"Well...it was also the fact that for the last six months of her life, I was helping Achika take care of you. And to tell the truth, it was not a marriage without love. Because I already loved you, Tenchi."

Tenchi smiled at her. "Obasama, I'm happy you decided to listen to him. You've always been there when I needed you. And I love you, too."

Nodoka reached out and hugged him tightly.

* * *

Out behind the temple was a small glade, containing a pool of water and a massive tree.

From the tree's many branches, tiny rays of light sprung forth into the ground.

A massive beam of blue light stabbed upward, sending its message out to the heavens.

The demon has risen again, and the hero has returned...


	8. No Need for More Sisters

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

"Orbital insertion plotted."

"Execute."

"Starting reactivation cycle."

"Stasis systems stable; two lifeforms, still viable."

"Beacon location finalized."

"Continue orbital insertion."

"Stable orbit reached; complete reactivation cycle."

"Good morning, Princess."

Ayeka opened her eyes, shook her head slightly to clear it. She looked up at the screen in front of her.

"The beacon...it is Funaho's beacon!"

She stepped out of her stasis booth, now fully awake.

"Yosho, my brother..." She smiled. "It will be good to see you again."

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Part Eight**

**No Need for More Sisters**

* * *

"Good morning, Tenchi."

"_Yaah!_"

Tenchi bolted from his room, dressed only in boxers, and ran down the stairs.

"Tenchi, what on earth--"

Nabiki stepped from her room, to see a scantily-clad demoness fly down the hall. She rubbed her eyes, looked again. "Great. Just what we need at this hour of the morning."

Akane came out of her room, mallet ready to strike. "Damnit, Tenchi! Flirting with that demoness again!"

"I'm not! I'm innocent!"

Ryoko smiled. "Really? You mean you didn't want me to crawl into bed with you?"

Akane twitched.

Tenchi waved his hands in the air. "No, not at all!"

"Well, then, why did you grab me?"

Akane lost it. "Die, Tenchi!" She heaved the mallet at his head.

"Ack--"

**_CLONG_**

Unfortunately, Ryoko was directly between Tenchi and Akane. She turned slowly, glowered at Akane.

"You little..."

"What's that noise?"

The combatants stopped, looked at Nabiki, then listened.

There was a low-frequency rumbling/purring noise from outside the house. The foursome ran out of the house and looked up.

Ryoko groaned. "Kuso...Not her."

Tenchi eyed the demoness. "Who?"

"Ayeka."

* * *

"Princess, we have detected a second beacon, in close proximity to the Funaho. It appears to match the signature of Ryo-Ohki. In addition, Prince Yosho's personal beacon is not responding to hails."

"Ryo-Ohki! That means that Ryoko must have defeated Yosho!" Ayeka stared at the screen, then darkened. "He may still be alive, merely imprisoned somehow...we must capture Ryoko."

"There is a problem, Princess...the Statute of Limitations on Ryoko has only five more seconds left to run." The screen before her changed to show Ryoko's police record, including a mug shot of said demoness, fingers raised in a V.

"What!"

**DELETED**

"Never mind that! Descend to twenty thousand feet and begin scanning for Yosho and Ryoko."

* * *

"Ayeka? Who's that?"

"Another demon, far more powerful than myself. You have to give me your balls."

"_What? No way!_ I need these."

"Stupid! I mean the power balls, on the Master Key."

"...the sword. Right." Tenchi raised the sword. "And why do I have to give them to you?"

"So I can summon Ryo-Ohki."

"Ryo-Ohki...the dragon that you rode when you came to Earth! Forget it!"

"Are you brain dead? Do you think we stand a chance against this thing? We need Ryo-Ohki!"

Nabiki finally spoke up. "Uhhh...Tenchi, you know the saying, 'Takes one to know one', right?"

Akane nodded. "You'd better do what she says."

Tenchi looked at the sword, then nodded. "I guess so. What should I do?"

Ryoko smiled. "Just concentrate on the sword, and will the power balls to me."

Tenchi nodded, and concentrated. One of the power balls glowed and vanished, to reappear on Ryoko's wrist.

"_Hey!_ That's only one!"

Tenchi nodded. "So it is."

Ryoko grimaced. "Well, it may still be enough."

She raised her arm above a head, and traced a great circle. "Come, Ryo-Ohki!"

"**MIYA!**"

Akane gasped, and pointed out over the lake. "Tenchi...look!"

Tenchi looked, and boggled.

The mirror-still surface of the lake was broken by four large brown spars. The surface of the lake began to roil, and a massive object, seemingly crystalline, hove into view.

A blast of power ripped from the demon hovering over the house, slamming into Ryo-Ohki. The smaller...creature? Ship? Dragon?...wobbled in flight, then slid cleanly across the sky to come to rest directly between Ayeka and the house.

Ryoko nodded. "Time to go." She snapped her fingers.

Tenchi stumbled, trying to get his bearings. He looked around, and saw Ryoko, Akane and Nabiki...in the middle of a large number of floating crystals.

"What on earth...?"

"Not exactly, Tenchi." Ryoko smirked. "Welcome to the bridge of the pirate vessel, Ryo-Ohki."

"Pirate vessel...You mean this is a _spaceship?_"

"More or less." Ryoko turned to face one of the crystals. "Ryo-Ohki, take us to seventy thousand, and arm all primary batteries."

"**MIYA!**"

The spaceship leapt skyward. Tenchi and the sisters stumbled against the force of the liftoff.

A small viewscreen popped up, showing the face of a woman. "Ryoko, surrender now, and this does not have to become unpleasant."

"Ayeka, anything involving you is automatically unpleasant."

Tenchi leaned over to look at the woman. She was quite young, and very attractive, with long purple-dyed hair, two small purple triangular marks on her forehead, and ornate robes. "You know, Ryoko, she looks a lot less like a demon than you do."

"Be quiet while I'm driving." Ryoko waved a hand, and the screen vanished. "Ryo-Ohki, target a burst at Ryu-Oh. Six guns, full power. Fire."

Lances of energy bridged the gap between the two ships. From Tenchi's vantage point, the sound of the guns was deafening, though not half so bad as the sound of the spaceship's yowling.

Then the deck fell out from underneath him. He rolled to his feet and grabbed a crystal column. "What happened?"

Ryoko scowled at her readouts. "Return fire from Ryu-Oh. All power lost."

"All power...does that mean we're going to crash?"

"No such luck." Ryoko's scowl deepened. "Graviton beam from Ryu-Oh has us under tow."

"Graviton beam. You mean a tractor beam?"

"Yep."

Nabiki tapped a crystal. "So what can we do?" She recoiled in surprise as the crystal formed a small, furry face.

"Nothing." Ryoko spread her hands, and several thousand volts began to arc around her. "We're being boarded."

"Huh?"

Two large logs formed on either side of her. One of them spoke.

"Ryoko, do not try to resist. We are here to escort you to Princess Ayeka for questioning."

"Like hell." Ryoko threw a lightning bolt at one of the logs, sending it flying. The other snared her with its own lightning bolts, immobilizing her. Both the log and the demoness faded from view.

The other log stabilized and floated toward Tenchi, Akane and Nabiki. "Do not resist, and you will not be harmed."

Tenchi snarled, and raised the sword hilt. Nabiki lay a hand on his arm.

"Tenchi...you can't win."

"I'm sure as hell gonna try!"

Akane put her hand on his shoulder. "Tenchi, don't be an idiot! That thing just took out Ryoko. We probably can't even dent it." She looked at him, eyes wide. "I don't want you to get hurt..."

Tenchi lowered the sword. "All right." He turned to the log, which was still floating expectantly. "You win. We won't resist."

"An excellent choice." Lightning flared out, and before Tenchi could cry out his betrayal, everything turned black.

* * *

"Tenchi!"

"_Tenchi!_"

Hands pulled at his shoulder, but he knew he still had ten minutes before breakfast, so he rolled over and ignored them.

"_Tenchi!_"

**_WHACK_**

"Ow!" Tenchi sat up, rubbing his head. "What was that for?"

"You scared me!" Akane set down her mallet and grabbed his hands. "You wouldn't wake up!"

"So you figured hitting me in the head would wake me up?" He looked around. "Where are we?"

Nabiki answered him. "We're in some kind of cell. I don't know how we got in, because there's no door, and we were all unconscious when we were brought here."

Tenchi looked around. It seemed like they were underneath a willow tree, save that the branches were much thicker, and embedded themselves into the ground. The ground underneath him was firm, and grass was growing in it. He looked out between the bars, and saw more trees growing in the distance, a fountain, and what looked like it might be a stream. In fact, the illusion of a massive park was almost perfect. It only broke down when he looked up, and saw the massive, sweeping, ribbed roof.

"We've gotta get out of this thing." He reached for his sword, but came up empty. "My sword is gone!"

"Let me." Akane raised her mallet, and swung with all her might at one of the branches.

**_WHACK_**

"Ow." Akane dropped the mallet and shook her hand. "Vibrations. Ow, ow, ow."

"Here." Nabiki pulled out a knife. "Let me try."

"Nabiki...you carry a knife?"

She grinned. "All-purpose general cutting tool." She turned and started to work on one of the bars. "Yep, this stuff's tough, all right. But I'm..." She stopped, took a step back. "Uh, Tenchi, this stuff is growing back as fast as I can cut it."

"We're sunk." Tenchi sat down with a sigh. "Guess we better get comfortable. Who knows how long we'll be in here."

"Hi there!"

"Huh?" Tenchi looked up.

Standing outside of their prison was a small girl. She wore an ornate robe, and judging from her face and height, she was a few years younger than himself. Her hair was long and blue - he was somewhat inured to odd hair colours by now - and swept back into two long ponytails. On her forehead were two small triangular markings. The expression on her face was sweet and innocent, but there was a glint in her eye that spoke of mischief.

"My name's Sasami. What's yours?"

He grinned. "I'm Tenchi." He waved behind him. "These are--"

"Akane." She stepped forward and bowed. "Pleased to meet you."

"And I'm Nabiki."

Sasami bowed back to the threesome. "Pleased to meet you all! I've never met any aliens before."

Tenchi started. "Aliens? Then you must be part of this ship's crew."

"Nope!" She giggled. "I'm a passenger. This is my sister's ship, and the Guardians are her crew."

"Oh. So your sister would be Ayeka?"

"Yes! She's the Princess Ayeka, Heir Presumptive to the throne of the Juraian Empire."

Nabiki leaned forward. "So you're a princess, too?"

"Yes, though I'm not likely to inherit anything." She pouted. "Unless both Yosho and Ayeka refuse the throne, or die, or something like that."

"Yosho..." Akane looked thoughtful. "Tenchi, isn't that that hero that fought the demon Ryoko?"

Sasami answered for her. "Yes! He's my half-brother, and Ayeka and I came to your planet to look for him."

Tenchi sighed. "I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. Yosho fought Ryoko eight hundred of our years ago. He's long dead."

"Nope! Wrong! As long as he stayed close to Funaho, he should still be alive!"

"Funaho?"

"His ship!" She waved a hand around her. "One of the Juraian Royal Trees, just like this one."

Akane knelt before the princess. "But if he's your brother, then you'd be really old, too, right?"

"Well, I was just a baby when he left to fight Ryoko - I was only four! - and I've spent a lot of time in suspended animation."

"Ah."

"So I'm only six hundred of your years old!"

Akane's jaw fell open.

Sasami laughed and twirled. "Staying with Ryu-Oh has kept me young!"

Tenchi leaned forward. "Listen, Sasami. I don't have anything to do with Ryoko attacking your planet or anything. Your sister scooped us up because we just happened to be nearby when she came looking for Ryoko. Could you possibly let us go? We're harmless. We just want to get back home."

Sasami considered it, one hand on her chin, deep in thought.

"No."

Tenchi sweatdropped. "C'mon, Sasami!"

Akane leaned forward. "Please, Sasami? I really miss my sister and father..." She clasped her hands under her chin and her eyes grew big and round, brimming with tears.

Tenchi blinked. Uber-kawaii was not, as far as he knew, in Akane's book.

"Oh, all right! But only on one condition."

"What condition?"

Sasami pointed at Tenchi. "You have to get my sister's tiara. She's asleep right now, and it's on her nightstand. It'll be a great prank! Is that a deal?"

"Ummm...sure."

Sasami drew a small silver device from under her robe and touched it to a branch. The branches parted, allowing the threesome to step out.

"Her bed is this way." Sasami led them off down the garden path...

"There it is."

The princess Ayeka's bedchamber was underneath a spreading tree. A large four-poster bed, that looked like it had grown out of the ground, dominated the sheltered area. Next to it was a nightstand.

Tenchi ran as stealthily and as quickly as he could to the nightstand. He grabbed the tiara, and was about to leave when his eye fell on something lying next to the princess.

"My sword!"

He reached out to pick up the sword, but the girl rolled over on top of it. He scowled, and thought for a moment. He then picked a small twig off the ground, and used it to tickle the girl's ear. She grimaced, and rolled over again. Tenchi grinned, and reached for the sword.

Ayeka rolled over a third time, trapping his hand under her body. Well, actually, trapping it under her torso.

Oh, and was it mentioned that the princess' sleeping gown was best described as diaphanous? No, that's giving it way too much credit.

Tenchi flushed.

Off in the bushes, Akane scowled. "What is he doing? The pervert's molesting her or something."

Sasami giggled. "Oneechan is really restless when she sleeps."

Nabiki frowned down at the girl. "You knew something like this would happen, right?"

"Who, me?"

Tenchi held very still, like a deer trapped in oncoming headlights. Aside from the trickle of blood running from his nose, he was completely motionless.

_How am I gonna get her to roll over? Can't reach the twig again..._

Sasami stood up out of the bushes. "Hey, Sis!"

"Ack!"

Ayeka's eyes snapped open, and she squawked. Quite understandably. Tenchi pulled his hand free and turned to run.

Only to run smack into one of those giant floating logs.

"Do not resist. Your attempts to assassinate the princess have failed."

"I wasn't trying to assassinate her!"

Ayeka grabbed a robe and pulled it around her. She stormed towards Tenchi and slapped him full along the face.

"Ow!"

"How dare you, you peasant!" She stopped, noticing for the first time the sword hilt in Tenchi's hand.

"How is it you can hold the Master Key?"

"The what?"

"The Tenchi-ken, the Sword of Heaven and Earth."

Alarms started going off, and another log materialized at Ayeka's side. "Princess, the criminal Ryoko has escaped."

The floor tilted crazily underneath their feet. Ayeka cursed, turned and ran.

Nabiki and Akane ran up to Tenchi. "What on earth is going on?" demanded Nabiki.

Sasami looked up. "Offhand, I'd say that Ryoko and Ryo-Ohki are attacking Ryu-Oh."

Tenchi opened his mouth to comment, but the world dissolved into a sickening spiral of crimson, and he found himself back on the bridge of the Ryo-Ohki.

Ryoko grinned at the three Terrans. "Hi! Miss me?"

Nabiki ground her teeth. "With every bullet..."

The deck pitched crazily under their feet. Ryoko grinned.

"We have successfully rammed the Ryu-Oh. Now we'll drag them down."

"What?" Tenchi grabbed a column for support. "Are you mad? We'll all die!"

"Yes! Glorious, isn't it?"

Akane staggered, trying to maintain her balance. "Yep. She's mad."

A viewscreen flared to life before the pirate. "Ryoko! Release us, or we'll both die!"

"I don't care!" Ryoko snarled at the princess. "You've taken everything I've ever cared about away from me! You've destroyed every hope I ever had! Now it's payback time!"

"What are you talking about?"

But Ryoko was beyond words.

Tenchi frantically hit buttons on the column he was holding onto. "Gotta do something, or we're gonna crash..."

The world went black.

* * *

**Ryoko is not herself. She is being acted upon by an outside influence. Please, she needs your help. Please do what you can to help her. My sacrifice will be the first step in her healing, but she will need all the support she can get...**

* * *

Tenchi blinked, his eyes clearing. He found himself lying on the ground outside his grandfather's house, a cold compress on his forehead.

"Tenchi, are you all right?"

"Huh?" He sat up, and looked around.

Sitting in the lake were the massive forms of the two spaceships, slowly sinking. The princess Ayeka was doing her best to pull Ryu-Oh out of the lake, but to no avail. Sasami was helping Akane to sit up. Ryoko and Nabiki were still out cold.

Kasumi smiled tentatively. "It seems we have company."

"Great. Just great."

Kasumi stood, and walked towards Ayeka.

The princess sat back on the ground and dropped her face into her hands. "I can't believe it! I'm shipwrecked on a backward, primitive planet, with no-one knowing where I am, and no way to send a message home!" She sobbed once. "What am I going to do?"

Kasumi laid a hand on her shoulder. "You could join us for dinner."

Ayeka blinked, looking up at Kasumi, and grinned. "Thank you...I'd like that."

Sasami walked over to Tenchi. "Wasn't it a great prank?"

Tenchi couldn't help it. He laughed.


	9. No Need for Yosho

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Chapter Nine**

**No Need for Yosho**

* * *

The knock at the door drew Katsuhito's attention from his calligraphy practice. "Come in."

Ayeka slipped in though the door, shutting it behind her. She kept her eyes focused on the ground as she stepped closer to Katsuhito.

Katsuhito coughed. "How may I help you, young lady?"

"I recognize you, Yosho. Even though you've aged..."

"I'm sorry, miss. But Yosho was a distant ancestor of mine. Perhaps there's a very strong family resemblance--"

"Don't play games with me!" She snapped at him, suddenly furious. "Don't you think I can see your aura? You're the same man that I remember, the one who ran off, chasing a demon! The one who left me behind!"

Katsuhito removed his glasses and sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't think to check my aura."

"Why, Yosho? Why did you run from your responsibilities?"

"Because I didn't want them!" He stood, and began to pace the small office. "All I ever wanted to do was to settle down some time, somewhere, with a wife. I wanted to raise a few kids, grow some crops, and just be a simple man!" He sighed. "The last thing I wanted was to be forced into a marriage with my half-sister, and forced to be Emperor." He snorted. "Like the Juraian council would ever have ratified me as Emperor, half-Terran that I am."

"Father had no other male offspring. Only you can be Emperor."

"I don't want the job."

Ayeka stepped forward quickly and took his hands in her own. "And what about me? What about us? I thought you truly loved me."

"Ayeka--" He stepped back. "I do love you. Truly. But not the way you want. You're my sister--"

"Half-sister!"

"Here, on Earth, things work differently."

"But you're Juraian--"

"Funaho-sama was Terran. Did you forget that?" He grinned. "She raised me with Terran morals. Incest is definitely a taboo in this society."

"But, Yosho...I still love you."

"Do you?"

She stared at him. "How can you doubt it?"

"I've had many reasons to doubt it, for a long time." He turned away from her and looked out the window. "But it does not matter. I've come here, to this planet. I don't intend ever to leave it again. I've married, fathered daughters, seen them married, watched them die." He sighed. "This is home, and here I shall stay, until I die."

"So you're completely turning your back on Jurai? And on me?"

"Yes."

**_Slap_**

Ayeka turned and stormed out of the office. Katsuhito sighed again.

Unnoticed by either, a small black pig slipped out in Ayeka's wake. P-Chan would have shook his head, if a pig's neck were capable of that motion. To think that his old friend was an alien...

* * *

Nabiki was sprawled in the hot spring, arms at full extension on either side of her, resting on the rocks. She sighed in contentment.

_Yep, I absolutely _must _be the one to marry Tenchi. There's just no way I'm giving this up._

There was a small splash to her right. She glanced over, just in time to see Ryoga break the surface. She grinned mischeviously.

"So, P-Chan, decided to take me up on that offer?"

"Don't call me that."

"I take it you've managed to learn something that may interest me?"

"Well...how about the fact that that alien princess that crashed here is in fact Katsuhito's half-sister?"

"_What?_" Nabiki sat bolt upright. "Do you mean to tell me that Tenchi is an _alien?_"

"Not exactly. His grandfather is half-human, and all his other ancestors were fully human...with the possible exception of Genma."

Nabiki snorted. "So Tenchi is mostly human. But he's one-eighth alien."

Ryoga nodded. "Also, apparently, this Ayeka chick was supposed to marry Katsuhito, but Katsuhito didn't really want to be Emperor of the Galaxy..."

Nabiki shook her head in disbelief. "You've just _gotta_ be making this up..."

"No, I swear, it's the truth!"

"Oh my..." Nabiki reclined back into the spring. "So Tenchi is an alien prince."

"I don't know if that's right. Katsuhito is a prince. But I don't know what that makes Tenchi..."

Nabiki shrugged. "It explains why this family is so rich. I just wonder..." She frowned, deep in thought.

Ryoga leaned back. "So what is this information worth to you?" He grinned.

Nabiki looked back up at him. "You're obviously very new at this. Since you gave me the information before mentioning any price...it's free."

"_Huh?_ That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair, and there ain't no such thing as a free lunch." She smiled seductively. "You want payment in some other coin?" She leaned forward, placing a hand on either side of Ryoga's head. "Maybe you want more than just the peep show...?" She leaned forward to kiss him...

* * *

Akane stepped out the back door of Katsuhito's house, intent on a good soak in the spring. As she approached the screen that enclosed the spring, she heard voices in conversation. She peeked around the edge of the screen, to see Ryoga and Nabiki sitting together in the spring. They were talking, but she couldn't quite make out what they were saying.

She scowled. _That Ryoga! What's he doing here? Probably trying to molest Nabiki._ Her eyes widened as Nabiki leaned over Ryoga. _Actually, it looks more like Nabiki is trying to molest Ryoga..._ She stepped back, and turned to walk back to the house.

_Guess I'll just use the furo. Hmmm...if Ryoga and Nabiki are getting together...that means she's not going to be chasing Tenchi anymore!_ Her steps quickened, and she broke out in a grin.

* * *

Nabiki leaned back, amused, as Ryoga slid below the waterline, bleeding profusely from the nose. "This is just too much fun!"

* * *

Nabiki had no idea how fast her information was going to be rendered public knowledge.

Tenchi leaned back on his heels and mopped the sweat from his brow. Whatever had possessed is grandfather to plant two full acres of carrots, he'd never know. But it had provided him with an awful lot of weeds to pull.

The younger of the two alien girls, Sasami, was picking her way through the field. She stopped in front of him.

"Hi, Tenchi!"

"You little scamp! What are you up to now?" He grinned.

"Nothing, right now! Well, maybe...I'm not really familiar with the foods of this planet. Are these roots edible?"

"Carrots? Yeah. Tasty, too."

"Maybe you could give me a few of them so I can make dinner?"

"Sure, but not these ones." He stood. "Let's go over there. That shed has a lot of carrots stored in it, already picked." They started across the field.

"I'm sorry about what I did to you on Ryu-Oh. I guess it wasn't very nice..."

"It's all right, Sasami. I don't mind too much."

"Oh, but the look on your face when Sis woke up!"

Tenchi chuckled. "I don't mind a practical joke, even when it's at my expense. Do you prank people often?"

"Not really. It's just that it was so dull, and I was so bored..."

"Right. Gotcha." He opened the shed and pulled out a bundle of carrots. "Will this do?"

"Yes! Thank you!" She bowed to him. "I was so happy that Uncle Yosho asked me to cook for him!"

"Ah...Uncle Yosho?"

"Yes!"

"...So you did find him?" Tenchi thought of the sword; If Yosho really was alive, he would probably have to return it to him.

"Yes! But he's gotten really old. He lives in the same house as you. But he calls himself Katsuhito now."

"Oh!" Tenchi laughed. "No, that's my grandfather. He looks a lot like the old pictures of Yosho--"

"No!" Sasami stamped her foot. "Sis looked at his aura! It's Yosho, all right!"

Tenchi stopped laughing. "You're one hundred percent sure that my grandfather...is Yosho?"

"Yep! And Funaho's log confirmed it, too!"

Tenchi's mind was whirling.

_Grandfather is Yosho. Sasami calls Yosho her uncle. So Grandfather...is an alien. And that would make me..._

Tenchi sat down heavily. "Oh, man, why did this have to happen to me?"

Sasami blinked. "What's the matter?"

"My Grandfather is an alien!"

"Yes, he's Juraian, like me and Ayeka. We're his sisters."

Tenchi looked at her. "So that would make you my aunt?"

Sasami paused. "My Japanese isn't as good as I'd like. What do you mean?"

"Okay, look. Yosho had a daughter, okay?"

"...okay."

"Yosho's daughter had a son. Okay so far?"

"Yes."

"That son was me."

Her eyes widened. "So you're part Juraian! In fact, you're...you'd be the crown prince!"

"_Huh?_"

"Yosho didn't want to be Emperor! So after he finished fighting Ryoko, he stayed here. At least, that's what he told Ayeka. Ayeka can't be Emperor, because she's a girl, and neither can I. Your father couldn't be. I'm guessing he's fully human. So you will be the next Emperor of Jurai."

Tenchi pulled out Yosho's sword and stared at it. "That's what he meant. All those years, he told me I was Yosho's heir. That's why he kept me on the Masaki family scrolls. That's why he taught me the Art. He was..." He broke off, overwhelmed. "But where do the Tendos fit in?"

"The Tendos?"

"Yes! Grandfather arranged for me to be married to one of the Tendos. He said it didn't matter which one, as long as I married one of them."

"Well, there's a law that says a Juraian Emperor must marry two women. One Juraian, and one Outlander..."

"That son of a..." Tenchi scowled at the house. "I'm gonna kill him!" He took off at a dead run, leaving Sasami behind, holding a bunch of carrots.

* * *

**_BANG_**

Katsuhito looked up at the door. It sat off-kilter on its hinges, probably due to the fact that Tenchi had slammed into it at full throttle, not bothering to open it.

"Ah, Tenchi, my boy! How can I help you?"

"What the hell gives you the right to meddle in my life like this?" Tenchi's face was dark with rage, and his knuckles were white around the pommel of the sword.

Katsuhito frowned at him. "I thought we'd settled the matter of the engagement."

"It's not about the engagement...Yosho."

"Oh." Katsuhito - Yosho - looked down, looking ashamed. "I will discuss this with you...when you calm down. Sit down. Have some tea. Put the Key away."

Tenchi scowled at him, but allowed the sword's blade to lapse. He crossed the room and sat across from the old man.

"First off, I will say I'm sorry. A lot of what I did, I did for my own selfish wants. However, some of it was done with the idea of helping yourself. Other things only seemed to work out as they did. I didn't plan them this way."

"What do you mean?"

"Well..." Yosho poured two cups of tea. "First, I'll tell you about Jurai.

"Jurai is the center of a galactic Empire that encompasses...oh, about sixty star systems, over a hundred and fifty worlds. It's not the only Empire out there, but it's noted for being the center of the Government for this Galaxy.

"The Emperor of Jurai has no power outside of his Empire, and his position must be ratified by the Juraian Council. In theory, the Council could make anyone Emperor. In practise, it has always been a member of the House of Jurai.

"My father, Azusa, had two other children by his second wife. Ayeka and Sasami. When I left Jurai, Sasami was only a toddler. It was my belief that Azusa would father a second son, by one of his two wives.

"I desperately did not want to be Emperor. But it seemed that forces conspired to make me Crown Prince. My father had no other children. Ayeka and Sasami are my only siblings. Further, I have only fathered daughters. Three of them, all now dead."

"Three...?"

"Yes. One of them, Hanaki, was an ancestor of the Tendos. Another, Michiru, was Nodoka's great-grandmother. Finally, Achika, your mother." He sighed. "I wanted you to marry a Tendo, because I hoped it would seal the rift between that clan and myself. Also, because it would weaken your likelihood of becoming Emperor. My father's First Wife was human, and the Council nearly didn't ratify him because of it." He grinned at Tenchi. "Imagine if the Council were presented with yourself, one-eighth Juraian only, and married to a human. My father will have little choice. Either marry Ayeka off to some petty lord...or allow the Imperial Throne to be held by a House other than Jurai."

Tenchi sighed. "You had two other daughters..."

"Yes, all by different women." He grinned. "Never tell any of the Tendos this, but Hanaki was the daughter of a Korean woman. I don't think they'd take that well at all...Michiru was half Ainu. That's why Nodoka's hair has red in it. She's a throwback. As for your mother...well, the records of her parentage are in the shrine."

"But you're trying to marry me off to a relative."

"The relationship is so far in the past that it is legal...not to mention, the genetic drift is so strong, you wouldn't have to worry about inbreeding, if that's what you're worried about."

"I just don't think I like the idea of marrying a female relative."

Yosho grinned. "Think how I felt. Ayeka had been trying to get me to marry her for a hundred years before I left."

Tenchi stared. "But she's your sister..."

"I know."

"That's disgusting."

He shrugged. "I _really_ didn't want to stay there."

"So Nodoka is really related to me...and so are all the Tendos, though distantly--"

"Through their mother."

"--and so are these two alien princesses. In fact, they're my aunts."

"Yes."

Tenchi shook his head. "This is worse than Star Wars." He looked up. "Hey, am I going to live as long as you did?"

"Probably not. Not unless you can find a Juraian Tree-Ship to bond with. As I did."

"Did Mom have one?"

"No." Yosho sighed. "I had germinated a seed, but when she died, it still had two years to go before she could have bonded with it. The seed died shortly thereafter. You were too young to bond to it at that time. And I have no more seeds."

"So I probably will only have a normal lifespan."

"Maybe." He gestured out the window. "But now that Ayeka and Sasami are here...who knows?"

Tenchi sighed. "Why couldn't I have a nice, low-stress teenage life? You know...problems with women, peer pressure to drink and take drugs, all that sort of normal things?"

Yosho laughed.

Tenchi stood. "I've gotta go talk with Mom - I mean, Nodoka."

"You won't find her." Yosho jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "She went over to the village. She's got a friend there she wanted to visit. She won't be back until later."

"I'll talk with Kasumi, then."

"She went into town to shop."

"Oh. Damn. I guess I can talk to Nabiki..."

"Coming close to a choice?"

"No." Tenchi scowled at him. "I'll choose when I'm damn good and ready."

"You have until the end of the year--"

"Forget it!" His anger returned full-force. "I don't care if you have to wait until I'm fifty! I am not going to commit to anyone, any time soon! Get used to it, Grandfather. You've sufficently mucked with my life already. You've made this marriage an issue of giri. But it's gonna be me upholding giri, so I'm gonna make sure it's done right. Got it?"

Yosho nodded, an amused look on his face.

"What's so funny?"

"I get the distinct feeling you protest too much."

"Huh?"

Yosho stood, facing Tenchi. "Tenchi, it's obvious that all three of those girls would be willing to marry you. It's equally obvious that you care for all three of them."

Tenchi was taken aback. "Well...they're nice girls."

"You see? Not everything I did was wrong." He clapped a hand on Tenchi's shoulder. "I won't push it for now." He perked up. "Hello, is that the dinner bell? Let's go!"

* * *

Ryoko had spent the entire day searching the lake.

Ever since Ryo-Ohki's destruction, Ryoko had felt very different. She was well aware of the bond between herself and her ship. In fact, her brain frequently accessed the ship's computer as though it were an extension of herself. Being separate from Ryo-Ohki's massive databases and logs left her feeling...unsure of herself.

For this reason, Ryoko was searching for the ship's disaster recorder.

Ryo-Ohki was a powerful ship, but not powerful enough to survive the crash that had stranded her here. Luckily, the ship had an extremely complex self-re-creation system. The ship was as much alive as the Juraian Ship-Trees, though in a different manner. The disaster recorder kept a constant update on the ship's genetic structure, allowing it to regrow from an egg. It would be several years before Ryo-Ohki reached full power again, but at least she would be back. And hopefully, she would have downloaded all her logs into her disaster recorder.

"Finally!"

Ryoko picked up the egg. It was about a foot and a half long, perhaps a foot wide, and a uniform brown in colour. She gathered it to herself, and teleported back to the house.

* * *

"Dinnertime, everyone!"

Akane walked out into the dining room of Katsuhito's house, her arms laden with various dishes. Behind her, Sasami carried a large bowl of rice.

Nabiki eyed her sister suspiciously. "Akane...did you cook any of this?"

"Yep!" Akane nodded enthusiastically. "Sasami-chan did the rice, and I did the curry."

Sasami set the rice on the table. "I hope I got it right. I followed the instructions in the cookbook, but I've never cooked rice before."

Katsuhito sat down at the table. "I'm sure you got it right, Sasami-chan."

Nabiki pulled out her wallet and thumbed through it. "Masaki-san, I hope there are some good take-out restaurants nearby...?"

Katsuhito blinked.

Tenchi came in and sat at the table. "All right, that smells good! What's for dinner?"

"It's just curry."

Nabiki shuddered. "It's just poison."

"Nabiki!" Akane scowled at her sister. "I put a lot of effort into this, and you're going to enjoy it!"

"Is that an order?"

Tenchi butted in to keep the hostilities from becoming a war. "I'm sure it's great."

Nabiki glanced at him. "You've never eaten anything of Akane's, have you?"

"No. I know she thinks she can't cook, but come on...it's curry!"

Akane twitched.

"Everyone knows, you can't screw up curry."

Akane stuck a large serving spoon into the curry and slopped some down on Tenchi's plate. "Here you go."

"Ummm..."

"Go on. Try it."

Tenchi picked up a fork, scooped up a small amount of curry, and raised it to his lips.

Akane watched, biting her lower lip.

Tenchi set down the fork, calmly reached over for the pitcher of lemonade, and drained it, nearly in one gulp. He set down the pitcher and gasped.

"A little spicy..."

Akane deflated.

Ryoko, in the meantime, had nearly killed off the whole serving bowl. "I don't see anything wrong with it."

Akane and Nabiki stared at her.

She looked up. "What?"

Nabiki said, "Ah...how does it taste to you?"

"Taste?" Ryoko frowned slightly. "It tastes...good, I guess."

Nabiki shuddered. "If ever I doubted you were a demon..."

* * *

Akane sat at the end of the dock, her feet in the water.

Tenchi walked up and sat down beside her. She glanced up at him, then turned her eyes back to the lake.

"Go ahead. Make fun of my cooking. Everyone else does."

"You've not had a lot of practise, have you?"

"Huh?" She looked up at him. "No, I haven't. Kasumi does most of the cooking at home."

"I thought not." He looked over the lake. "My cooking isn't really good, either. I've had some practise, but not a lot. You just need to practise more."

"Hm?"

He leaned back, looking up at the stars. "Cooking is like the Art. First, you have to learn the basics. Then, you need lots of practise until you have the basics down pat. Then, you can start learning the more advanced forms. Those also need practise, but they're based on the basics. And all the practise you put into the basics helps with the more advanced forms."

"Cooking...like martial arts." She tilted her head, a look of concentration on her face.

"Curry's not the best place to start. It's easy...but it relies heavily on the basics." He sat up. "Pick something so brain-dead simple that it seems ridiculous. Try that. Work at it until you can do it in your sleep."

"But there's just one little problem. No-one will touch anything I cook."

"Really?" Tenchi turned to face her. "Will you do me a favour?"

"I guess."

"Tomorrow, can you make me a bowl of miso for breakfast? Use some of the instant powder in the cupboard."

"Are...are you sure?"

"Yep." He nodded. "It's so brain-dead simple even I could do it." He grinned at her. "And if by some fluke you do mess it up...I'll tell you what you did wrong, and how not to do it in the future. Deal?"

"...Sure. But...why? Why do this?"

"Is it against the rules to want to help someone improve?"

She lunged forward and hugged him. "Nope." She stood up and ran back towards the house. "Good night!"

Nabiki, watching from the second floor, grimaced. "Make me sick. It's gonna make him sick, too." She put away the parabolic microphone, hit _stop_ on the tape recorder, and went to bed.


	10. No Need for Rivalry

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Chapter Ten**

**No Need for Rivalry**

* * *

Morning at the Masaki household.

The dining room was very quiet. Around the table sat Tenchi, Akane, Kasumi, Katsuhito and Ayeka. In front of Tenchi was a small bowl of soup. Tenchi eyed the soup with some trepidation. Earlier that morning, most of the household had awakened to the sound of battle. But upon arriving at the scene, those ready to defend the house learned that the horrible racket, the battle cries, and the sound of metal on metal, was not a battle. Or at least not a conventional one.

It was merely Akane trying to boil a pot of water to make a small bowl of instant soup.

"Um...perhaps I should make you something to eat, Tenchi."

"No, no, Kasumi. I told Akane I was going to help her learn to cook." He looked at the soup again. "And besides, it's--"

"Don't say it, Tenchi. Don't say anything."

Tenchi looked at Akane. She was staring at the table, her hands folded in front of her. Tenchi picked up the bowl and sipped the soup.

Everyone watched him with bated breath. He set down the soup bowl.

"Pretty good."

"Really?" Hope shone from Akane's eyes.

"Yep. Now tomorrow, you get to practise boiling water without waking the entire household."

* * *

"Tenchi?"

Tenchi pulled the hat off his face and looked up from the beach recliner. Kasumi stood over him, a pitcher of lemonade and a glass in hand.

"Yes, Kasumi?"

"Lemonade?"

"Thank you!" He took the glass, and she filled it from the pitcher. He sipped, and sighed. "Excellent, Kasumi. Perfect on a hot day like this, too." He leaned back in the recliner, then noticed that Kasumi had not yet left. "Something wrong?"

"No, no..." She ran her hand nervously through her short-cropped hair. "I was just thinking...I found a really nice restaurant in town, and I though you and I could go there for lunch today."

"I think that's a great idea. Hmmm...could we go this evening, for dinner, instead?"

"I suppose. Why tonight?"

"Remember? I kinda promised to help Akane with cooking today..."

"Ah. Do you think that's wise?"

"Kasumi...you think she's gonna get any better without help?"

"I'm not sure she will _with_ help."

"Kasumi, that's not like you at all."

"Yes, it is. Tenchi, I've spent a lot of time trying to help her. But she simply doesn't have the patience to learn."

"Well...I told her I'd help her. And I will."

Kasumi sat down on the dock next to his recliner, putting her feet into the water. "I suppose that's one of the things I...like about you." She smiled. "You're always ready to help someone, and you always keep your word. If you can."

Tenchi grinned. "I suppose that's the province of a prince."

"Hm?"

"I guess you're the only one who hasn't heard." He rolled over to face her. "You probably won't believe this, but...It turns out that Grandfather is half-alien, which makes me something like one-eighth alien. Furthermore, he's some kind of prince on his world, but gave up the title...which makes me the next prince. Though he says it's unlikely I'd ever be accepted by them."

"I...see."

He rolled back over. "Just like I guessed."

"No, Tenchi. I do believe you."

"Right."

"Tenchi. We are living with an alien demon and two alien princesses. I watched two giant spaceships land in the lake." She smiled. "What's wrong with you being an alien prince?"

Tenchi laughed. "Well, then, there you go. If you marry me, you'll be marrying into royalty. Just in case you need a reason."

She reached out and put her hand on his. "I don't need a reason, Tenchi..."

"Hey, you two! How's it going?" Nabiki, P-Chan under one arm, stepped onto the dock.

Tenchi jumped to his feet. "Umm, great, Nabiki."

"Akane was muttering something about making lunch..."

"I better go help her." He ran for the house, glad of the escape.

Kasumi stood. "Oh, my...I need to check the laundry."

Nabiki watched them go, then looked down at the pig. "P-chan, tonight you're following those two. They're far too close. I can't let Kasumi steal Tenchi away from me." She frowned. "She could do it just on niceness. I'm not really good at nice...Any suggestions, P-Chan?"

"Bwee!"

"Kind of dumb of me to ask you like this...pigs can't talk. Well, after lunch...off to the hot springs!"

* * *

"Excuse my interruption..."

Kasumi paused, sheet in hand, clothespeg in mouth. "Mmf?"

Ayeka bowed to her - a very shallow bow, but then, she was royalty. "You are the mistress of the house?"

Kasumi folded the sheet, placed it in the laundry basket and removed the clothespeg from her mouth. "No, I am afraid I am not."

"Oh?" Ayeka looked confused. "But I have seen you do most of the cooking and cleaning..."

"Katsuhito is a bit untidy at times, and since he is allowing me to stay here, along with my sisters, I felt I should repay him by doing some of the housework. Just as your sister has helped, as well. But I am not his wife."

"Wife?" It was Ayeka's turn to look confused. "No, of course not. You see, I was hoping to have something prepared for Lord Yosho."

"Lord Yosho?"

"Yes. The Lord of the house."

"Oh, you mean Masaki-san."

"...I guess so. There is a traditional pastry from our home that he was always very fond of, but I am uncertain as to what ingredients will be available for it."

"Perhaps I can help you with that. Let me just finish this, and then we'll see what's available." Kasumi resumed taking down the laundry. "From what I heard, your homeworld is quite Earthlike."

Ayeka nodded. "As we were arriving here, Kamidake informed me that Earth was a colony world of Jurai."

"Really?" Kasumi looked amused. "So your people are just like us."

"Please!" Ayeka snorted. "Technology on Jurai has outstripped this backwater planet by an order of magnitude. Our lifespans are ten times that of your people, and this has led to art and culture far more sophisticated than that of your world. We have energy manipulation powers beyond those of your race, granted to us by the Trees of Life. We are in every way superior to your people."

"So why is it that Masaki-san chose to live here?"

"He has merely forgotten what it is to be Juraian. Once I have reminded him of how great our culture is, he will return with me to where he belongs."

"I sincerely doubt that Masaki-san would abandon his family."

"...Family? I thought his daughters were dead."

"Yes, but Tenchi is his grandson, and Nodoka is sort of an adopted daughter. not to mention his son-in-law, Genma."

Ayeka looked flabbergasted. "He has borne male issue..." She slumped. "Tenchi is Crown Prince of Jurai!"

"A mere human."

"Tenchi is Juraian!" Ayeka snarled. "He has human blood, it is true, but so does Yosho, and he was ratified as Crown Prince. Father was married to that bitch Funaho, and they accepted her as Empress. Human blood is Juraian blood, you know that! The Council knows it too, and they don't like it, but they can no longer force Yosho to serve as Emperor!"

"Tenchi says they probably wouldn't accept him as Emperor."

"They would have precious little choice. Since Yosho has a male descendent, he can abdicate as Crown Prince. But since that leaves Tenchi as heir, with a stronger claim than anyone else could hope for...Damn you, Yoshi!" Her face was a mask of rage. "Even in this way, you find a way to cheat me!" She stopped, gasping for breath.

Kasumi had been watching her tirade with great interest. "I take it the pastry is off?"

Ayeka glared at her, but then an odd look crossed her face. "No, no...I'd still like that, if it's not too much trouble..."

Kasumi smiled and nodded, but inwardly, she worried.

_This one bears watching..._

* * *

"All right! What are we making for lunch?"

Tenchi smiled at Akane's enthusiasm. The girl was a study in contrasts - one moment a bubbly, cheerful, happy person; the next moment, wracked with self-doubt, depression and angst; the next, rage personified.

"Well, first off, I hate to break it to you, but you're not doing all of lunch. Sasami's doing the sukiyaki and rice. You're doing salad."

"Salad? That's it?"

"Yep. Basics, remember. And the first thing to do is..." He gestured towards the sink. "Wash your hands."

"Right."

"Hello, Tenchi!"

Tenchi turned to see Nodoka walk in. "Hi, Mom! Where've you been?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Kikuko asked me to stay last night."

"Ah."

"Why? Were you looking for me?"

"Well, sorta. I've had a lot of things come down on me all at once, and kinda needed someone to talk about it with..."

"Why not one of your girlfriends?"

"Well, that's sorta what I ended up doing."

"Good. Tenchi, don't hesitate to go to those who love you with your problems. Self-reliance is manly, but so is admitting when you need the support of your family and friends."

"You tell him!" Akane finished drying her hands. "Now what?"

"Get the lettuce, the radishes and the peppers and wash them."

"Wash them?"

"Yes. Unless you like eating dirt."

"No, I mean...Never mind. I'm just stupid, is all."

Sasami shook her head. "No, you're not. You're just a beginner."

"Thanks, Sasami."

Nodoka smiled. "Can I get in on this party?"

"Sure, Mom. Sasami can handle the rice, but I'm not sure about sukiyaki. Apparently they don't have that dish on her home planet."

"...her home planet."

"Yeah. She's an alien."

Nodoka shook her head, looking bemused. "Kids and their imagination, eh?"

"Right. Run with that."

* * *

"Lunch time!"

Akane set the bowl of salad on the table. Nabiki peered at it.

"Salad, eh? Good choice - no spicing or heat involved."

"Nabiki!"

"Not too likely it's gonna be toxic. Wow, those green peppers are cut really interestingly."

"Perhaps Ryoko would like this dish as much as she liked Akane-san's curry."

"Yep. Only a demon can eat toxic sludge."

"Now, Nabiki, Akane put a lot of effort into this salad." Nodoka set two more serving dishes on the table. "At least you can try it."

Ayeka shook her head. "I fear, Cousin, that Nabiki-san speaks the truth. I have watched Lord Tenchi try eating Akane-san's cooking. She is a superior cook to myself...but that still is not saying much."

"Cousin?" Nodoka looked puzzled.

"Uh, Saotome-san...you're telling me that she spent time on this salad?"

"Of course."

"What kind of flowers would you like at the funeral?"

"Now, that was just in bad taste."

"No, that salad is--"

"_Enough!_" Akane looked ready to explode. "Nabiki, for your information, I had Tenchi on one side of me and Nodoka on the other, telling me exactly what to do. And all I really did was cut up the vegetables and put them in the bowl. They did the rest, okay?"

"Ummm...Akane...all there was left to do once you finished was add the dressing. You made the salad."

"Really?" Akane looked confused. "But you told me there was more to do, but you'd do it..."

"That was mostly to make sure you stopped." Tenchi shrugged. "Basically, this was an exercise in knife use. Oh, by the way, Grandfather, we need a new cutting board."

"Coming through!" Sasami, pitcher of lemonade in hand, came out of the kitchen. She set the pitcher on the table, then ran back into the kitchen.

Nodoka watched her, a look of amusement on her face. "What a delightful little girl."

"Well..." Nabiki looked doubtful. "I guess it should be safe." She reached for the salad tongs.

"No!" Akane snatched them away from her. "The first serving for Tenchi."

"Right." Nabiki smirked. "Almost forgot."

Akane placed a small bowl of salad in front of Tenchi. He picked up his fork, speared a slice of tomato and popped it into his mouth.

And promptly changed colour. Sort of a greenish blue.

"I knew it!" Nabiki looked disgusted. "Akane can even wreck something that needs no preparation, with two experienced cooks standing over her shoulder."

"No..." Tenchi gagged, and managed to get the bite down. "The dressing...it's just horrible."

"Oh."

Akane deflated. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"It is! I made that dressing last night."

Tenchi stood up and picked up the salad. "Don't worry, Akane. Tomorrow you can try again."

"Okay."

"Of course, tonight you'll be on your own, unless you can persuade Mom to help you."

"What?" Akane looked up.

"Well, Kasumi and I are going to dinner--"

"Oh, so with one breath, you promise to help me learn to cook, and in the next--Tenchi no baka!" She grabbed the pitcher of lemonade and hurled it at Tenchi.

"Oh my..."

Ayeka, Sasami and Nodoka gaped at Tenchi. A suddenly female Tenchi.

"What on earth..."

"Wow! That's neat!"

"Lord Tenchi...what has happened to you?"

Akane winced. "I'm sorry, Tenchi...I'd almost forgotten about that."

"Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?" Tenchi grinned, and tightened her belt. "Oh, by the way, Mom...while Pop and I were in China, I sort of picked up this odd little...curse."

* * *

"Excuse me, Lord Tenchi."

"Lord Tenchi?" Tenchi looked at Ayeka oddly. She was standing just outside his bedroom doorway, a small plate in her hand. On the plate was a small pastry that looked like a danish, but not quite.

"May I come in?"

"I suppose."

She stepped in, knelt, and placed the pastry before him. "Will you accept this?"

"I guess...thanks." He was puzzled by the formality...but she was offering food. Ayeka stood, stepped out of the room, and closed the door.

"You do realize, Ayeka, that that was probably a pointless gesture."

Ayeka gasped in surprise, and whirled to face Katsuhito.

"I don't know what you mean, brother."

"You know exactly what I mean. And you should know full well that Tenchi is Terran in upbringing. He'll not think of your little 'gift' as anything more than a snack."

"This does not matter. It's merely my way of thanking him...for all that he's done for us."

Katsuhito turned and walked down the hallway. "I may have been on Earth for more than eight hundred years, Ayeka...but I still remember what it meant when you gave me a 'gift' of that sort."

Ayeka watched him go, hate burning in her eyes.

* * *

The bus alighted at the station, and Tenchi, Kasumi and Nabiki hopped off. Nabiki waved to Tenchi and Kasumi and made an immediate beeline for the shopping district, P-Chan under her arm. Kasumi watched her go with some misgivings.

"I'm not sure I trust this, Tenchi. She seemed to make far too much of the fact that she was only going shopping..."

"Don't worry, Kasumi. I'm sure she's not getting into any trouble..."

"You don't know Nabiki quite as well as you should. I'm certain she came into town to keep an eye on us."

"Let her." Tenchi shrugged. "It's not like I have any dishonourable intentions towards you. This is just dinner for two, right?"

"I guess. I'm glad I didn't tell her what restaurant we're going to." Kasumi stepped closer to him and took his arm. "So let's go have some fun!" Giggling, she towed Tenchi down the street.

Unnoticed by either, a small black pig moved from shadow to shadow, trying to stay hidden while remaining close enough to hear their conversation. Ryouga was not overly concerned with Tenchi getting attached to Kasumi. Kasumi was a very nice girl, and very beautiful, too. As far as he was concerned, his old friend could hardly do better, and it gladdened his heart to see Tenchi obviously having a good time.

But at the same time, Ryouga had managed to acquire a duty to Nabiki, and this bit of espionage was part of the deal. Well, he had agreed to spy for her, but that was his limit. Any dirty work she wanted done, she'd have to do herself.

Unfortunately, a pot-bellied pig just cannot move as fast as a human, at least not as fast as the humans he was trying to follow were moving. Eventually he would be left behind. He abandoned stealth and started moving at a dead run, and managed to keep Tenchi and Kasumi in view until they entered the restaurant.

Ryouga realized that the odds of his managing to get into the restaurant in his current form were awfully low; and the odds of his becoming dinner once he got in there were depressingly high. He decided to double back and report to Nabiki.

If he could find her.

_Oh, man, not again!_

* * *

The restaurant was quite nice, a small out-of-the-way place that specialized in Italian food. Tenchi grinned at this - Italian had long been one of his favourites. Of course, he knew that the food here would only bear a passing resemblance to true Italian food, but still...

The couple were ushered to a small table in the corner. Tenchi checked out the restaurant as they walked to the table. "No live band, no maitre d', no offensive extras...a very nice restaurant without being overpowering. Unusual."

"I told you you'd like it."

"You did, didn't you?" He grinned.

The waitress set the menus in front of them and moved off. Tenchi picked up the menu and was about to open it, when Kasumi laid a hand on his.

"Hm?"

"Tenchi..." She looked a bit nervous, which was doing nothing for his own composure. "I need to talk to you about Ayeka."

"Ayeka?"

"Earlier today she threw a royal temper tantrum. She was horribly upset to find out you were Katsuhito's grandson."

"I see..." He frowned. "And yet, she went out of her way to be nice to me later. Even brought me a danish."

"A danish?" Kasumi's eyebrows went up. "That pastry she asked me to make...she told me it was for Katsuhito."

"Really?" Tenchi looked puzzled. "I wonder why she gave it to me instead?"

Kasumi opened her mouth to reply, and paused. _If he doesn't know, I suppose I shouldn't tell him...But I must give him some kind of warning..._

"Just watch yourself around her, Tenchi. She's more than eight hundred years old, and probably spent most of that time dealing in power politics."

"All right, Kasumi. I'll remember that."

Kasumi smiled at him. "The lasagne is quite good here."

* * *

Tenchi and Kasumi stepped into the house, to hear groans and mutterings. Tenchi raised an eyebrow. Kasumi sighed. "You see?"

"Look, Kasumi, I know that Akane isn't the best cook--"

"Tenchi..." Akane was leaning against the kitchen door frame, looking wretched. "The teriyaki didn't come out quite right."

Kasumi sighed. "I'll start treating the others for food poisoning."

"No, Kasumi..." She smiled weakly. "I tasted it first...the others didn't have any."

"All right." She smiled, and helped Akane towards her room. "I'll just treat you."

"Arigato, oneechan."

Tenchi shook his head. "She was supposed to do the salad." He walked towards his room, but stopped when he heard a strangled gasp, coming from Nabiki's room. He turned, and knocked on the door. "Nabiki? You okay?"

"I'm fine, Tenchi."

Tenchi frowned. Something didn't sound right in her voice. "Can I come in?"

"...I guess."

Tenchi opened the door and stepped in. Nabiki was sitting on the bed, facing away from him, head bowed. He walked over to her, and put a hand on her shoulder.

Nabiki turned, stood up and hugged him fiercely. Tenchi was surprised by this - Nabiki was the last person he expected to act like this. He tentatively put his arms around her, returning the hug. They stood that way for a moment or two, then Nabiki stepped back suddenly.

"I've decided to give you a deal, Tenchi-kun. We go back to Nerima day after tomorrow, right?"

"Uh...yeah."

"We should hit town around four in the afternoon. Say a couple of hours to unwind after the trip...I would like to take you to the fair that evening."

"Um...sure, I guess. Why is this a deal?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Nabiki smirked. "I'm paying."

"Aheh...right."

"Don't forget."

"I won't."

"Good. Now get out. I have to finish packing." She turned him about physically, pushed him out the door, and slammed it behind him.

Tenchi shook his head, bemused. "What an odd girl."


	11. No Need for Violence

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it. Please don't sue me_.

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Chapter Eleven:**

**No Need For Violence**

* * *

The night's silence was broken by a crack of thunder. Tenchi sat up, blinking and disoriented. "Just a rainstorm..." He lay back down and stared at the ceiling.

We're going back tomorrow... He grinned slightly at the thought. As much as he loved his grandfather, it would be good to go back to the Tendo-ke. The Tendo's household was one of the first places he had ever felt at home. Sure, his own home was nice, but there was always too much tension there. Here, at his grandfather's house, there was rarely - if ever - any privacy, or any time to himself. At the Tendo home, while he had to share a room with his father...well, it was the first place he had ever felt free to be himself. It was something he was unwilling to give up.

There was a knock at the doorway, and the shogi slid open a crack.

"Tenchi...?"

He looked up to see Sasami standing at the door. She was wearing a borrowed white gown that had belonged to his mother - his real mother, not Nodoka. It was rather large on her - the hem dragged on the ground, and the sleeves had been rolled back several times.

"What is it, Sasami?"

"The thunder..." The younger girl's voice quavered, and she clutched her hands in front of her. "Can I stay with you for a while?"

"...I suppose."

Sasami slid onto the futon with him, and snuggled up to his chest. He pulled the blanket over both of them. _If Akane walked in on this, I would be on the recieving end of a mallet so quickly it would make my head spin...probably literally._

"Tenchi?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you." She smiled up at him. "I'm very scared of thunder and lightning."

"You're welcome, Sami. Why does it frighten you?"

"I can't really remember..." Her eyes were beginning to droop shut. "I have bad memories of loud noises, and flashes of light, and falling..." She yawned deeply. "I think it was from the time that Ryoko attacked Jurai."

"Ryoko attacked your homeworld?"

"Yeah...but I talked to her about it...Kagato was controlling her then...and Yosho set her free...just before he locked her away..." Her eyes slipped shut, and her breathing became deep and regular.

Tenchi rested his head on his arm and tried to get to sleep, despite the little girl snuggled up against him. He smiled. He very much liked Sasami; the girl was quite active, and very outgoing and friendly - when she wasn't dead tired and afraid of a thunderstorm. He knew he wasn't alone in this...Ryoko, Akane, even his mother Nodoka, all of them were quite taken with the child.

He sighed. She looked a child, but it was often difficult to realize that she was over six hundred earth years old...

Tenchi nodded off to sleep, a contended look on his face, matching the one on Sasami's.

Behind him, a pale figure with long blue hair and two small circles on her forehead watched over the two, her smile reflecting both sadness and love.

* * *

Ayeka stared at the tableau before her, face set in a mask of rage, fists clenched at her sides. She walked over to the futon and nudged Sasami rather ungently with her toe.

Sasami sat upright quickly, blinking away sleep.

"Sis...What...?"

"What are you doing in here, Little Sister?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me! You sneak out of our room in the dead of the night and wander in here to bother Tenchi-sama."

"The storm last night...I was frightened."

Ayeka's expression softened; well she knew of her sister's fears. "Why didn't you wake me, Little Sister?"

"I...I wanted to go to Daddy...but he wasn't..." She looked down. "So I...I went to see Tenchi instead."

Ayeka looked at her disapprovingly. "Did you not consider that Tenchi would react poorly to you disturbing him?"

"But he didn't!"

"And did you even consider the way you were dressed?" She indicated the thin white gown the younger Princess wore. "Any of your ladies in waiting would have had a fit at this behaviour."

"They're not here, Sis." Sasami stood up, a scowl crossing her face. "And you know full well that Tenchi would never have done anything like that."

"Oh, really? Have you forgotten the way he acted towards me aboard Ryu-Oh?"

"Sis...that was mostly my fault, and partially yours. Certainly not in the least his."

Sasami brushed past her sister and left the room. Ayeka watched her go, confusion on her face. It wasn't at all like Sasami to defy her like that...

"Ayeka."

The Princess jumped, startled. "Yes, Tenchi?"

Tenchi was sitting up on the futon, looking out the window across the room. "Don't worry about Sasami. She didn't bother me."

_That's what I was worried about._ Outwardly, she smiled. "I'm glad, Tenchi-sama, but I am concerned about the propriety."

"What--" Tenchi gaped at her. "Do you honestly think I'd do anything untoward to a girl her age?"

"It matters little what I think. In fact, personally, I don't think you would. However, decorum must be observed."

Tenchi was silent for a minute, then looked up at her. "If decorum means I can't comfort a scared little girl when she has a nightmare...then I don't think it's worth very much. Now if you will please step outside my room...?"

Ayeka bowed slightly, then stepped out of the room, closing the shogi behind her. She smiled slightly.

_He thinks of Sasami as a little girl...good._

* * *

Tenchi stepped out onto the balcony/hallway overlooking the living room. He could hear the sounds of breakfast being prepared in the kitchen, and grinned. With Sasami, Nodoka, Kasumi and Akane all trying to work in the small room together, it was unlikely he'd even fit in the kitchen.

Ryoko was seated on the couch below, cradling something in her arms. Ayeka stepped up behind Tenchi and looked down at the space pirate. "What on earth is that she has?"

"I have no idea." Tenchi walked downstairs and approached Ryoko. "Hey, there. What's that you have?"

The cyan-haired woman looked up at Tenchi. "It's so beautiful, Tenchi, isn't it? The fruits of our love..."

"_Whaaaat?_"

Ayeka stormed forward. "What are you babbling about, you evil woman?"

Ryoko held up the egg. "Tenchi, I'm so happy we've done this together!"

"What are you saying?!"

Akane walked in, gaping. "Tenchi! You mean that you and that alien demon slut...?"

Nabiki smirked. "You know, I never would have thought he had it in him."

"Oh, my adopted son is so manly..."

"No, you all have it all wrong!"

"Tenchi's right!" Sasami pointed at the egg. "That's--"

The egg twitched in Ryoko's hands.

"It's hatching!"

The egg split in two, and a small, brown, furry animal raised its head and mewed.

"It's a cat?"

"It's so cute!"

"No, look at the ears and tail. It's a rabbit!"

"It's Ryo-Ohki." Everyone stopped talking and looked over at Sasami.

Tenchi knelt in front of her. "Sami...what do you mean?"

"That is Ryo-Ohki. She's a ship, like the trees of Jurai, but instead of being a tree, she's an animal." Sasami grinned. "I could always hear the trees, wherever they are, because of Tsunami healing me the way she did. Ryo-Ohki sounds different, but she's definitely the ship."

Tenchi picked up the small creature and looked at it. "Ryo-Ohki told me she'd be back. I guess this is her." He grinned. "Sure is cute, isn't she?"

Akane glared at Ryoko. "So, you lied about you and Tenchi?"

"Well, I lied about the egg..." Akane raised a massive mallet, ready to strike. "Okay, okay! I lied about Tenchi!" She sighed. "Jeez, you Earthlings have no sense of humour."

* * *

"Hey, Tenchi."

Tenchi looked up from the videogame. Nabiki was standing behind him, arms crossed, smiling slightly. "You know, it was pretty slick the way Kasumi got to spend so much extra time with you. That plus the amount of time you've spent recently with Akane. I'm starting to feel a little left out. You know what I mean?"

"I...guess. What did you have in mind?"

Nabiki tried to look innocent. "Moi?"

"You wouldn't have even bothered talking to me if you didn't have something in mind." Nabiki looked hurt, and Tenchi quickly thought of a better way to phrase that. "What I mean is, you wouldn't have mentioned there being a problem unless you already had a solution in mind."

She considered this, then nodded. "True. What I had in mind is a date."

"What about the fair tomorrow?"

"I mean one here. Tonight. The fair is for tomorrow."

"Now who's dialing for extra time?"

She smiled. "Gotta get my kicks in while I can, right?"

Tenchi shrugged. "Sure. Where do you want to go? There's a nice teen club in town. I haven't been there in a while."

"Sounds good." She knelt quickly and hugged him. "Right after dinner?"

"You got it."

* * *

"Ayeka."

Ayeka scowled as Ryoko phased through the wall. The nerve of that woman, entering her private chambers without permission! "What is it this time, you infernal woman?"

"I just thought you might like to know that Tenchi is going on a date with Nabiki."

"A date?" It took Ayeka a moment to figure out what exactly the demon was talking about. "Do you mean to tell me that those two are going off into the town, unescorted?"

"Yep. That's exactly what I mean."

"I must stop them." Ayeka stood up, fist clenched. "That common hussy mustn't be allowed to do this!"

"Think it through, Akeka." Ryoko stretched, arms above her head. "You do anything to stop this, and Tenchi's just gonna hate your guts."

"That's true..." She frowned, suddenly suspicious. "Why are you telling me any of this? If you desire Tenchi for yourself, then certainly doing anything to help me will only impede you."

Ryoko laughed "Oh, please, Princess. I just wanna have some fun with him. When I'm done with him, you can have him. Also, I think Nabiki's two-timing him. I think he likes you, so I'm willing to help him out."

"It still seems like you're hiding something, pirate...Very well. I cannot disturb this date, but you can."

"But I won't."

"Really...?" Ayeka smiled. "You do realize that it is within my power to grant you a full pardon...?"

"A pardon?" Ryoko grinned. "All right, Princess. You have yourself a deal. And I _will_ hold you to it." She faded out of existence.

Ayeka smirked. _Stupid woman. With the Statute of Limitations lapsed on her...she no longer needs a pardon. I win._

* * *

Tenchi and Nabiki stepped off the bus. The night was quite alive - people moving about, on their way to or from some source of entertainment. The town was good-sized, with over sixty thousand people in it, and when Friday came, those people loved to play hard. The town had several sources of entertainment - bars, dance clubs, karaoke clubs, video game arcades - with something available for all ages.

Tenchi wore his traditional Chinese garb, though the shirt was black instead of red, and had a golden dragon embroidered on it. Nabiki wore blue jeans, and a tight orange T-Shirt that left absolutely no doubt in the minds of any observer that she was a mammal.

"C'mon. Unless they've shut down, they're just down this street."

Nabiki grabbed Tenchi's arm and dragged him down the street he'd indicated. The club was, in fact, still there, and the cover charge a mere four hundred yen a head. Nabiki slid a one-K bill across the counter, and dragged Tenchi into the club.

The music was pounding loudly enough to render speech impossible, and the dance floor was packed with people gyrating to the beat. Tenchi didn't know squat about dancing, but the beat got into his bloodstream, and he couldn't help but move with it. Nabiki, on the other hand, was obviously in her element. She was dancing up a storm, whirling around, a dazzling smile on her face.

_Even if I go deaf here,_ Tenchi mused, _it's worth it to see her smile like that._

Unnoticed by either of the two, Ryoko slid into the club, bypassing the cover charge by simply phasing in through the wall. She smirked. _I wreck Tenchi's date, and get my pardon from her Highness, push Tenchi away from that two-timing tramp, then tell him that Ayeka forced me to interfere...and I win._

She watched the two dancing and smiling, growing more and more angry. _That little hussy is making far too much time with my Tenchi. I'm gonna put paid to her account right now._

She drew back her hand and summoned a power bolt. Several dancers nearby started to scatter, but Tenchi and Nabiki remained blissfully unaware of the impending attack. Ryoko pointed her hand towards Nabiki and...let it fall again.

_I can't. I can't do it. Why not?_

She allowed herself to fade from view, falling back into the Otherworld. She hugged herself tightly.

"Tenchi is happy just spending time with her right now. If I interrupt that like this...it doesn't matter whether or not I can pin it on Ayeka. He'll hate me forever." She sighed. "I can't do that...And Nabiki looked so happy too..." She chuckled. "Getting soft, old woman."

She stepped back into ThisWorld and took to the air. _With any luck, I'll be back in time for some of Akane's dinner. Whenever she cooks, there's always tons left over for me._

The music in the dance club shifted to a slow song, and Nabiki scooted up close to Tenchi, wrapping her arms around him. They moved slowly to the music.

Tenchi looked down at Nabiki, smiled slightly at the look of contentment on the girl's face. _It's like all she ever wanted in the world was just to be held like this. Like no-one's ever done this for her. But with her mother gone, and her father as good as gone, maybe no-one ever has._

**_Crunch_**

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, Nabiki-chan."

She smiled at him. "It's okay, Tenchi. I don't mind."

"I should have suggested somewhere else, I guess. I never learned how to dance."

She laughed. "You're doing well so far..."

"Well, thanks. Except for stepping on your foot, I guess I am."

Her smile faded somewhat. "I really appreciate this, Tenchi..."

"Hey, really. It's my pleasure."

"You mean that?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, because of the agreement between our families--"

Nabiki stepped back, a hurt look on her face. "I see. You only agreed to this because of the agreement."

"No! That's not what I--"

"I thought maybe you liked me. But you're just trying to make sure you don't get stuck with a girl you hate."

"Nabiki--"

Her voice turned bitter. "And the kami forbid that you get stuck with unlovable Nabiki, the Ice Queen of Nerima." Tears welled in her eyes. "Kami forbid that you pick a fat, ugly girl that everyone despises. Kami forbid--" She turned and bolted from the club.

"Nabiki!" Tenchi ran after her.

Nabiki ran, blinded by tears. She passed many people, brushing past them uncaringly. Some turned to ask her what was wrong? but she knew they were lying. Eventually, after running for hours, she stumbled and fell, and lay where she hit the pavement, sobbing, her breath burning in her chest.

A hand fell on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Tenchi kneeling next to her, a concerned look on his face. All of her old fears surged in her, stronger than ever.

"Nabiki..."

"You don't understand, Tenchi. You don't understand the way everyone I love turns away from me, leaves me - Mother died, Father turned away from the world in grief, Kasumi trying to take her mother's place - never mind what her other sisters thought of that."

Her breath came in gasps. "Akane, falling into a horrible rage time after time, then turning to the Art as a way to escape the world - never having time to share with her older sister. Thomas moved back to America - If he really wanted to, he could have stayed! I could have found a way! And Kenchiro, he left because everyone told him what a cold bitch I was, and they were right, and now--"

Tenchi pulled her to her feet, and she fell silent, biting her lip. He pulled her into a hug. She shuddered in his grasp, but fought the urge to pull away. They stood that way for some time, then she stepped back.

"Nabiki..." He shook his head, an odd look on his face. "I'm just as scared of all this as you are. I don't even know why you...act like this. Why you're fighting your sisters...over me."

She looked down at her feet. "You make me feel safe. When you hold me, I feel like maybe, this time, someone really loves me."

He smiled. "I'm sorry, Nabiki, but I'm really not sure I love you--but," he hastily added, as he saw the fear return to her eyes, "I do really care for you. And I promise, I won't ever turn away from you."

"Even if you should marry Akane or Kasumi?"

"I couldn't live without seeing you smile again."

Nabiki's sight blurred again, the tears returning, and before she could change her mind, she darted forward and kissed him passionately. He hesitated, obviously surprised, then returned the kiss with equal feeling.

She broke the kiss after a few seconds, and slipped her arms around him. She smiled contentedly. Maybe he didn't love her; maybe he never would. But he cared for her. And for the moment, it would be enough.

* * *

The bus stopped just outside the Masaki shrine, and Tenchi and Nabiki hopped out. Ryouga, dressed in some clothing borrowed from Katsuhito, strode up to meet them.

"Hey, Ryouga!" Tenchi ran forward to meet his old friend.

Nabiki hung back somewhat; Ryouga's appearance here probably wasn't going to do her any good.

"Hello, Tenchi. I've been meaning to get ahold of you for some time."

"Well, I can't say as that surprises me. The 'long time' part, in particular."

Ryouga chuckled; though most people taunting him over his directional inability simply earned them a brisk thrashing, with Tenchi he knew it was nothing spiteful. "Listen, we need to talk about a few things. And Nabiki, I'd like to talk to you afterwards."

Nabiki blinked, and started to worry.

Ryouga turned back to Tenchi. "First off, I'd like to apologize for...what happened last time you saw me."

"Fine. But you shouldn't apologize to me."

"I know. I just wanted you to make sure Kasumi doesn't kill me before I apologize."

Tenchi snickered. "Fair enough."

"Second...well, I should have told you this last time we met, as opposed to simply attacking you. I've kinda...fallen in love with Akane."

"Oh!" Tenchi's eyes widened. "So that's what that was all about!"

"Well, yeah. I'm sorry I acted the way I did."

"I guess I can forgive you." He sighed. "But I'm honour-bound to marry a Tendo...and unfortunately for you, Akane qualifies."

"You and your damn honour--"

"Ryouga, I'm not in the mood for one of your temper tantrums. I just had a really nice evening with Nabiki. Don't ruin it for me."

Ryouga deflated. "Sorry."

"Look, Ryouga. Just because I'm technically engaged to Akane doesn't mean you can't tell her how you feel about her."

In the background, Nabiki blinked. Was Tenchi giving up on Akane? That would really cut down on the competition!

Tenchi patted Ryouga on the shoulder. "I wish you good luck, Ryouga. But I have a feeling you're gonna need more than that."

Ryouga nodded gloomily.

"I'll leave you to Nabiki, then. Nabiki, when Ryouga's said whatever it is he has to say to you, will you join me for a cup of tea?"

Nabiki nodded. "Hai, Tenchi-kun."

Tenchi walked up the pathway, and was promptly tackled by Sasami.

"Tenchi-sama, you gotta come try my soup!"

Nabiki chuckled as Tenchi was dragged off by the Princess, then turned to Ryouga. "I suppose this is where you tell me you're not working for me anymore?"

"I'm sorry, Nabiki. But it's just..." He sighed. "I can't spy on Tenchi for you. It's not right. He's my best friend. Besides, it seems to me that you're doing well on your own."

"Appearances can be deceiving, Ryouga. He treats all three of us like that. Even though I'm certain that he doesn't love any of us, he still acts like he does." She rolled her eyes. "I suppose he just feels sorry for us, since Mom died so long ago, and Daddy's basically worthless."

Ryouga chuckled. "Tenchi really is a great guy. Trust me, I know." He sobered. "But still...I wouldn't mind trying to be your friend, Nabiki. You seem the sort I could get along with...and it wouldn't hurt to be friends with my future sister-in-law."

"Mighty certain of yourself, aren't you, P-Chan?"

Ryouga looked down. "No, Nabiki. Actually, I'm not certain of myself at all. Actually, I'm pretty certain I'm gonna fail. After all, Akane obviously loves Tenchi."

"Hey, cheer up, pig-boy. Remember, Tenchi might pick Kasumi, or even me." She tilted her head. "Obviously, I'd rather he pick me. But either way, you just might convince Akane that you'd be a good second pick."

"Do you think I really want to be an 'also-ran?'" Ryouga's eyes burned, and he clenched a fist unconsciously. "'Second-best' just doesn't cut it, Nabiki."

"All right, all right. I see your point." She smiled impishly. "Are you a gambling man?"

"Huh?"

"I'll bet that Tenchi picks me, and you get Akane. Further, I'll bet that Akane picks you out of love, not just because you're there."

Ryouga scratched his head. "I really can't see you winning this one, Nabiki."

"So I like the long odds. If I win, then you owe me a really big wedding present worth - oh, say, fifty thousand yen, at least."

"And if I win?"

"Hmmm...If you win...you get an all-expenses paid night on the town...with me."

"_What?_"

"Well, Ryouga, I kinda like you. Not as much as Tenchi--"

"Story of my life."

"You be quiet. The point is, you are a great guy. And a hunk, on top of that. So, either way...we both win." She smiled. "If only a consolation prize."

He snickered. "All, right, Nabiki. You're on."

She hugged him briefly. "Gotta run. Take care of yourself."

"I will, Nabiki-chan."

* * *

Ayeka gaped. "What do you mean, you did nothing to stop it?!"

Ryoko snarled. "What do you mean, Statute of Limitations ran out?!"

The air around the two women was charged with electricity. Sasami ducked out of the room before the energy bolts started flying.

**_BOOM_**"Come on, you guys!" Akane's impatience was showing strongly. "The train pulls out in three minutes."

* * *

"Stay well, Tenchi." Katsuhito hugged his grandson. "And don't be a stranger!"

"All right, Grandfather." Tenchi grabbed his suitcase and dragged it towards the train. "We'll try to get down here again on the rainy season break."

"I'll look forward to seeing you then."

"Hey, how are you gonna help the Princesses get home?"

"I'm not."

"Huh?"

The train whistle blew. Nabiki grabbed Tenchi's wrist. "Let's go already!"

Tenchi jumped onto the train. "What do you mean?"

"They're on their way to Tokyo now."

"_What?_"

Katsuhito grinned. "Have a safe trip. And don't get into any trouble!"

Tenchi groaned. "We're headed for trouble!"


	12. No Need for Earthlings

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Chapter Twelve**

**No Need for Earthlings**

* * *

"Oh, I'm so happy! My daughters and my future son-in-law have returned safely from their trip!"

Soun was bawling his eyes out. Not that this was really anything new. Nonetheless, Tenchi smiled.

"Hey, Tendo-san! How are you?"

"I'm so happy! Tenchi, have you decided which of my daughters you're going to marry?"

Tenchi scowled. "I've still got four months to pick, Tendo-san. And I told you, I'm gonna use them all."

"Ah...of course, Tenchi."

Tenchi glanced around the visible part of the compound, worry suddenly showing in his eyes. "Hey, there aren't any...guests...here, are there?"

"Eh?" Soun looked rather surprised. "Why, no, Tenchi. Why? Were you expecting some?"

"Expecting trouble..." Tenchi shook his head. "Never mind, Tendo-san. I see you got the place all fixed up."

"Yes, yes." Soun nodded. "You'd never know that the place was the site of a demon attack." His voice fell. "Tenchi, that demon..."

Tenchi laughed. "She's promised not to do it again, Tendo-san."

"Good." He nodded, then twitched. "Ah..."

"She's not really that bad a person, once you get to know her." Tenchi grinned. "And she's a two-fisted drinker. You'd probably like her."

* * *

Nabiki glanced up from her bed as Ryoko phased into view. "Ever heard of a door?"

Ryoko smirked. "Doors are so limiting."

"Yes." Nabiki looked rather irritated. "And I like mine to limit the access people have to me."

"Oh, come on, now," purred Ryoko. "Is that any way to talk to your partner?"

"We're not partners." Nabiki stood up. "In fact, we're about the farthest thing from it that you can get. We're rivals."

"Not at all, Nabiki dear." Ryoko floated over to a chair and seated herself. "You see, we both have a common interest here. Tenchi."

"Exactly. Rivals."

"Tendo Nabiki, you do me a great disservice." Ryoko sighed. "You're going to take Tenchi to the fair tonight, correct?"

"...Yes."

"You just know that Ayeka will try to crash that."

Nabiki tilted her head. "What makes you so certain?"

"She tried to hire me to stop your last date with Tenchi."

Nabiki blinked.

Ryoko examined her nails. "Fortunately for you, I only want what's going to make Tenchi happy. At the moment...it was you."

"Oh, go on. Tell me another one."

"No, really, Nabiki." She looked up, a wistful smile on her face. "I'll tell you the truth. I really do love Tenchi." She sighed, and looked out the window. "But settling down, marrying him...No, it's just not my style. I'd get bored way too soon." She smiled again. "I'd jump him, in an instant, though, as long as I knew it wouldn't hurt him."

Nabiki frowned at her. "Doesn't really sound like love to me."

Ryoko scowled. "And you're supposed to be an expert?"

Nabiki didn't say anything, and the silence dragged on for a few seconds.

Ryoko snorted. "I didn't expect you to believe it. Humans are such a shallow lot."

"Really." Nabiki crossed her arms. "Now about this partner thing..."

"Simple." Ryoko stood up - or more accurately, floated into a fully vertical position. "I'll keep Ayeka off your back tomorrow, and on any other date you have with him. I'll also help out around here if you want."

"And in return?"

She grinned. "You give me a place to crash - I don't need much, just a place to curl up for a few hours a night. And you drop Ryouga."

"Ryouga?"

"Oh, come on! I've seen you chasing him."

Nabiki laughed. "He's been spying on Tenchi for me!"

"Really? And yet you're willing to go on a date with him."

"Only if Tenchi dumps me."

"And always trying to give him a free peep show..."

Nabiki blinked. "Uh..."

"So, if you really love Tenchi, if you really want to win his heart...I'll help you. Unless, of course, he decides he doesn't want you at all. Also unless, of course, you keep on with Ryouga."

"I said--"

"Do we have a deal?"

Nabiki shook her head. "No dice. Come back when you have something more attractive to offer."

Ryoko scowled. "I don't like taking 'no' for an answer, Nabiki."

"Deal with it. Or come up with a better offer." Nabiki crossed the room and opened the bedroom door. "See you later."

Ryoko scowled, and floated through the wall to the outside.

* * *

"But why can't we just stay at Tenchi's place?"

Ayeka sighed. "Sasami, I told you. It isn't his home; it's someone else's."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They have a lot of room."

"How could you know? You've never been there."

Sasami looked around the tiny room. "It's got to be bigger than this!"

Now, to be fair, the apartment wasn't that bad. It was warm, clean and in good repair. However, it was small.

Well, that doesn't really do it justice. It was very small.

The main room of the apartment - the only room, really - was ten feet by eight feet in size. There was a small alcove, with a hot plate and a tiny refridgerator, that served as a kitchen, and on the other side of the room was a door leading to the toilet. It came with no furnishings, but Ayeka had sold one of her baubles and purchased two futons, blankets, pillows, and a table.

For a Japanese apartment, it was about average. But when one is used to living in a palace...Even Sasami's suite of eight rooms had had no chamber in it this small. Even the bathroom had been larger.

The 'No Pets' clause of the lease had given Sasami a problem, though. For some inexplicable reason, she and Ryo-Ohki had bonded quite well, and were now pretty much inseparable. Ryo-Ohki could normally be found perched on Sasami's head. At the moment, she was curled up on Sasami's pillow. But if the landlord knocked, she'd have to make herself scarce in a hurry.

Ayeka shook her head. "We have enough money to stay here for a month, and for a bit of groceries. We need to get some more. And I don't want to sell any more of my jewellry."

Sasami looked at her oddly. "Why not? I mean, you have tons back home, right? You're always complaining that you don't know what to do with it all."

Ayeka sighed. "Some of the crystals in my jewellry could be used to create advanced power systems, weapons, all sorts of high technology. These people aren't ready for that." She snorted. "They're barely in control of the technology that they do have." She walked over to the window and looked down over the city. "The ring I sold had nothing in it except gold and carborundum. Nothing they don't already have."

Sasami nodded. "Okay, I guess I understand." She sat down heavily. "So what are we gonna do for money until we're rescued?"

"I'm going to have to do something horrible. Degrade myself to a level that would shock Mother if she knew." She shuddered. "I wouldn't, if we had any other source of money. And I know that I'm probably going to bear the stigma for as long as I live.

"I'm going to get a job."

Sasami blinked. "Would it really be that bad, Oneechan?"

"Well, not neccessarily." Ayeka grinned. "If I can find something worthy of my status..."

* * *

"Hello, and welcome to McDonalds." Ayeka tried to remember to smile. "May I take your order?

* * *

"Hello?"

Sasami had knocked at the door, but nobody had answered. And while she felt it was most likely rude to stick her head in the door like this...

"_Haiii!!_"

**_SMASH_**

"Miya!" Ryo-Ohki launched herself into the air and vanished. Sasami ducked back in fear, thinking that she'd violated some Earthling taboo...then realized that the battle cry had come from the kitchen.

"Stupid cheese!"

Sasami blinked. That sounded like Akane's voice...She stepped through the door and slipped out of her sandals. It took her a moment to find the kitchen.

The kitchen looked like it had been strafed. And smelled as though it had been napalmed.

"Why won't you melt?" Akane was screaming at a frying pan. "You melted fine five minutes ago!"

"Ummm..."

Akane jumped, and whirled to glare at Sasami.

"Cheese won't melt twice."

"Why not?"

Sasami shrugged. "I dunno."

Akane deflated. "I don't know who I'm kidding, anyway." She poked at the remains of the frying pan. "I knew I couldn't cook this."

"What is it?"

"Lasagne. Or it's supposed to be."

Sasami blinked. "In a frying pan?"

"It said to fry the meat in the pan, and then add cheese on top!"

"What said?"

"The cookbook!" Akane pointed at the offending document. Sasami walked over to it and flipped a page.

"Ummm...Akane..."

"What?"

"You missed a page."

"Huh?" Sasami shifted to the side as Akane stepped up. "What do you mean?"

"I think maybe the wind caught it. But the part about frying the meat is here..." She flipped two pages. "And you add the cheese here. You missed a few steps."

"Oh!" Akane laughed. "Well then, I can just get right back on track."

"Ummm...no." Sasami chuckled. "I'm afraid you've wrecked this batch."

"Well, you don't have to laugh at me."

Sasami looked up at Akane. "I'm sorry. I just..." She broke off, as she noticed that Akane's eyes were bloodshot, her fingers burned, her hair a mess...

"I think maybe you need a break."

Akane sighed. "I think you're right." She sat down heavily. "This really sucks. I can't cook anything right."

"Lasagne's pretty tricky, Akane. Not a good place to start."

"You made it just perfectly, not even a few days ago. And it was the first time you'd ever made it."

"Akane...I've been cooking for two hundred years."

Akane blinked.

"Two hundred..."

"Yeah. I kinda got bored one day, and went wandering. I wound up in a kitchen in the palace. I spent some time talking to the cooks, and they taught me how to cook." She chuckled. "My mom thought it was a waste of time, but Funaho-obasama thought it was a good idea."

"Funaho is...?"

"My father's outworld wife. Yosho's mother."

Akane nodded. "Gotcha. What do you mean, outworld?"

"She's from Earth."

Akane blinked again. "She's...human?"

"Of course!" Sasami giggled. "So am I!"

"Well, yeah, but--wait! You're an alien!"

"Yeah, but Earth is a Jurai colony world. So we're both human. I just come from a different planet." She shrugged. "I don't know why Earth lost their trees."

"We have trees."

"Not like Jurai." Sasami looked wistful. "That's one thing I'm really gonna miss, if we can't get home."

* * *

Round two.

"All right, Your Majesty." Ryoko phased back into Nabiki's room.

Nabiki grinned at the title. "And how may I help you this time, demon?"

"I'm prepared to offer you a better deal."

"Do tell."

Ryoko seated herself across from Nabiki. Still floating, since there was no chair across from Nabiki. "Here's my deal. Number one, I'll keep Ayeka off your back. I think I know an excellent way of diverting her, as well as toasting any chance she has with my Tenchi."

"A good start. Except that he's not your Tenchi."

"Fine, whatever." Ryoko rolled her eyes. "Second. I can in fact help out about the place."

"Tenchi already does most of the work here. He won't even let Kasumi do the dishes anymore."

"Which is all sweet and that. But I'm talking about repair work."

Nabiki smirked. "We have plenty to do already, thank you. We don't need you to cause more."

"Don't be a fool. Ryo-Ohki has a fully functional replication system on board. It should be up and running in the next few days. The microfactory won't be on line for quite some time, but I can synthesize all the raw materials you need."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Not a bad offer. But it's still not enough."

"Right. Number three." Ryoko dropped a large, heavy object on the table.

"What...?" Nabiki picked it up.

It was a box. About six inches by twelve inches, four inches deep. Two kanji were engraved on the top.

**TENDO**

"What is this?"

"I dunno." Ryoko stretched. "I got it from a horde I captured from another pirate. He'd raided Earth several times. I put a stop to that, and took all his ill-gotten gains." She smirked. "Sadly, the rest has been pawned. But this one had a name on it, so I figured I'd eventually be able to return it to its owner."

"Right."

"Well, it also helped that I knew an Earth woman by the name of Tendo." Ryoko leaned back and closed her eyes. "Nice girl. Cooked really good sukiyaki."

"This coming from someone who willingly eats Akane's cooking..." Nabiki carefully opened the box...and gaped.

Inside the box were a number of scrolls. Tightly wound, carefully bound, and quite brittle. But each was labeled, with faded writing on the binding ribbon.

"Dragon Palm Strike...Crane's Flight...Roaring Lava-Spitting Dragon Assault...These are all martial arts techniques." She lightly touched one scroll. "Demon Head Aura...This is the only one I recognize."

"So I take it this is worth something to you?" Ryoko opened her eyes...to find that she was talking to dead space.

"Uh...Nabiki?"

* * *

"Twenty four scrolls. Twenty three of which detail maneuvers of our family's school thought lost forever." Soun burst into tears. Naturally. "Oh, this is such a magnificent day!"

Nabiki quickly closed the box before the scrolls could suffer water damage. "We'll need to have the scrolls properly preserved."

Tenchi nodded. "We should also have them transcribed."

"Why?"

"Gonna be hard to teach these maneuvers from such old scrolls."

Kasumi leaned closer to Tenchi. "Are you sure that's wise, Tenchi? After all, these techniques were closely kept secrets of the Tendo clan."

"And because of that, they were nearly lost. Am I correct?"

"Well..."

"We can't let that happen again." Tenchi stood. "Tendo-san and Grandfather have decided that I'm gonna inherit this dojo. Might as well do it right."

* * *

"I'm home."

Ayeka shuffled in through the door, kicked off her shoes, and flopped down on her futon.

"Sasami?"

No answer. Ayeka sighed.

"I'm hungry."

Normally, this would have produced a cloud of servants with many delicacies from the far reaches of the Empire. But since this _was_ the far reaches of the Empire, nothing happened. Eventually Ayeka stood back up, shuffled over to the fridge, and opened it.

In the fridge was a few items of food - the little that the two could afford after furnishing the room - and a rather large sandwich, with a note sitting on top.

"Gone to visit Tenchi. Be back later. Sasami." Ayeka fumed for an instant, then fell to devouring the sandwich.

"I'm home!"

Ayeka glanced over, to see Sasami and the youngest Tendo girl - what was her name? Ah, yes, Akane - walk in. Both had an armload of groceries.

"How was your day, Sis?"

Ayeka rolled her eyes. "I had no idea that anyone worked as hard as these Earthlings."

Sasami giggled. "Hard day at work?"

"I finished the training - the manager had the nerve to say that I had a knack for serving people! - and then they put me on the front counter. Hordes of people were fed in just one day! Most of them ordered many, many things! And no matter how much food they ordered...The kitchen staff always had it ready! Half the time, before they finished ordering it!"

"Well, Akane and I went shopping. We're gonna cook some dinner."

Ayeka glanced down at the sandwich.

"Oh, yeah, that was for you. But I figured you'd be extra hungry." Sasami pulled out some fresh vegetables. "Akane's gonna make the salad. We bought a bottle of dressing. I'm gonna--"

"Sasami...where did you get the money for this?"

"Uh..." Sasami bit her lip.

"Well?"

"Promise you won't be mad?"

"I promise."

"Well...I'm helping Tenchi teach Akane how to cook. And Tenchi said that I gotta be paid some, at least for the ingredients."

Ayeka opened her mouth to scold her sister...and paused. After all, it wasn't like Sasami was begging. Or even performing any unsavory duties. Unless, of course, she had to _taste_ Akane's cooking.

In fact, she was doing exactly what Ayeka herself had done all day. Working.

"An excellent opportunity, Sasami."

"You're not mad?"

"No." Ayeka stood and stretched. "I think I was wrong before. There's something about it. Work, that is."

Sasami looked at her sister oddly.

"It's like...at the end of the day, you know that you've helped someone out. Somewhere along the way."

"Are you feeling all right, sis? You're starting to sound like Funaho."

Ayeka scowled at Sasami. "There's no need to be insulting, Sasami."

Sasami rolled her eyes, then turned to Akane. "Grab a knife. Oh, and here's a cutting board. Remember: Wood doesn't go well in a salad."

* * *

"Never thought I'd end up making a deal with a demon." Nabiki shook Ryoko's hand, then made a show of counting her fingers.

"Never thought I'd meet a colder, more mercenary person than...me." Ryoko smirked at Nabiki.

"All right. The attic is yours to sleep in. And if you clean up in there, who am I to complain? Plus, if Akane cooks here, you can have as much as you can stand."

"Great."

"Maybe you think so. Personally, I think it's cheaper than having to hire a HazMat disposal team every time she enters the kitchen."

"That's me, live-in garbage disposal." Ryoko smirked. "And finally...I get to distract Ayeka tonight, so you can have a nice night with Tenchi."

"Best of all." Nabiki stepped into her sandals as Tenchi came down the stairs. "Good luck."

"And to you, too." She turned to Tenchi. "And as for you..." She glided up to him, wrapped herself around him, and slid a hand into his shirt. "Pity you're not going out with me tonight. I'd wish you luck as well."

"Ahem. Demon."

Ryoko glanced over to Nabiki, a smile creeping across her face.

"Molest Tenchi on your own time. Right now...He's mine. And you have a job to do."

Ryoko licked Tenchi's ear, then floated back a foot or two, sketched a deep bow, and faded out.

Tenchi twitched.

"Something wrong, Tenchi?"

"I'm not used to someone so...forward."

"Really?" She stepped forward, and wrapped herself around him. "Get used to it." She stepped back, an impish look on her face. "Let's go."

* * *

Ryoko phased back into ThisWorld, in the Juraian's apartment.

"Now, for my mission..."

She glanced about the apartment, then spotted Ayeka...passed out on her futon.

"Wha...?"

"Hi, Ryoko!"

Ryoko turned, to see Sasami behind her. The younger princess was holding a bowl of salad.

"What happened to Ayeka?" Ryoko spotted Akane lurking behind Sasami, and grinned. "I see! Akane made some food, Ayeka tried it, and passed out."

"No, no!" Sasami laughed. "She was just so tired from working that she came home and fell asleep."

Ryoko considered this, then shook her head. "You don't need to lie to me to protect Akane's feelings. I like her cooking."

"I'm telling the truth, Ryoko!"

"Sure. Like Ayeka would work." She floated down until her feet touched the floor. "I told Nabiki I'd keep her off her back, but it seems that I don't need to. You two want to go to the fair?"

"Yay!"


	13. No Need For A Date

* * *

_Disclaimer_

_I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it._

* * *

**This Side Down**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**No Need for a Date**

* * *

**_-KNOCK-KNOCK-_**

Ayeka sat up and glared at the door blearily. "Who is it?"

"Ministry of Education."

"Who?" She stood up and made her way unsteadily to the door. She grabbed a dressing robe and struggled into it, then opened the door a crack.

The man on the other side of the door - a rather short, pudgy individual in a white shirt - thrust some identification through the crack. "Ministry of Education, miss. I understand there are two young girls living here?"

Ayeka nodded. "Yes, my sister and I."

"Can I see some identification for you and your sister?"

Luckily, Ayeka had asked Ryoko to falsify some documents "proving" that the two Princesses were Japanese citizens. She passed the man her own identification. "You'll have to give me a moment for my sister's, sir."

"No hurry." The official glanced at her birth record. "You are aware, miss, that Japanese law requires you to attend high school?"

"Requires?" She blinked, still somewhat sleep-addled.

"Yes, miss."

"I thought you had to pay to--"

"Only certain schools. This district does have one public high school."

* * *

"I am not at all pleased."

Sasami nudged her sister. "Hey, calm down, Sis. It's just school, right?"

"For your information, Sasami, I completed my primary education over seven hundred years ago. There is very little that this primitive education system can teach either of us."

Sasami shrugged. "Maybe so. But I'm gonna enjoy making some new friends."

"All well and good for you. However, consider the impact that this is going to have on my job schedule." She sighed. "Well, this is the school."

"Furinkan High School." Sasami blinked. "Hey, doesn't Tenchi go here?"

"Yes, I believe he does." Ayeka smiled. "Luckily, it's a public school."

Sasami shrugged. "Well, I've got to get to school too." She took off on a run. "I'll see you after!"

Ayeka sighed again, and walked into the school.

* * *

Mizuhara Rei was considered a "brain" by her peers, but despite that, she managed to get along with most of the girls in her class. In particular, she spent a lot of time with Motoyoshi Eri, one of the members of the fashion club. Most of that circle ignored her, but Eri, one of the few (to Rei's mind) useful members, was hardy enough to ignore the scorn that came with associating with her.

Of course, while Eri did seem to have a specific goal in life - she wanted to run a restaurant - and was generally sensible and down-to-earth, she did have some rather odd ideas on romance.

"He's gotta be single. Come on, nobody has that many girls chasing him all at once unless he's single."

Rei shook her head, bemused. Eri had decided that Rei's life needed spicing up, and was playing matchmaker. It was a periodic problem that rarely lasted very long. "I dunno. I hear he's living at the Tendo's, and apparently he's engaged to Akane."

"Yeah, right. Who'd you hear that from? Kuno?"

"Well...yeah, actually."

Eri snorted. "I think that about sums it up."

Rei adjusted her glasses - she was quite nearsighted - and looked across the yard, at the subject of their conversation: one Masaki Tenchi. Tall, and almost painfully thin, but rather good-looking. The buzz cut wasn't too unusual, but most people with buzz cuts didn't bother keeping a rat-tail with it. And his clothing, while in good condition, was rather out of date, and showed signs of constant repairs and maintenance.

He wasn't in her class, but she'd bumped into him in the library several times. She had spoken to him once or twice, and found him to be clever and friendly, if a little non-committal. All in all, the sort of person she might actually be interested in...if she was willing to take an interest in anyone.

"Eri, I really don't--"

"Look, why not just ask him out? The worst he can do is say no, right?"

Rei bit her lip. Her friend was right. She'd ask him, he'd say no, Eri would be satisfied that she'd at least tried, and life would go on. Rei did not want any romantic tangles, no matter how much her friend thought they'd be fun.

_But what if he said yes?_

Well, if he said yes, she'd go to a movie or something, probably have a good time, probably not call him back, and Eri would be satisfied, and life would go on.

_And if he said yes, and he called her back after?_

Well, she'd figure that out later. For the moment, she finished her bento and stood up.

"You're going for it? Good luck!"

Rei smiled. Luck would be good...though not the luck that Eri intended. She walked across to the tree on the other side of the schoolyard, where Masaki Tenchi was just sitting down.

"Excuse me..."

"Yes?"

Rei bit her lip. "Tenchi...I was wondering if perhaps..." She ducked her head. Damn, why was this so hard? It wasn't like she really meant it. "Would you like to see a movie? Tonight, I mean?"

He seemed to consider it. "Well..."

"Excuse me."

Rei flinched; she knew that voice. Tendo Akane. And she did not sound happy.

"Tenchi, you can't take her out. You're engaged, remember?"

Well, call that a confirm. Eri'd be upset, but oh well.

"Indeed." A voice she didn't recognize, but when she turned to look at the girl, she recognized her face. Everyone at Furinkan knew Tendo Nabiki, the Ice Queen of Nerima. "I seriously hope you're not considering dating behind our backs, Tenchi."

Rei blinked. Was he engaged to both of them?

"And Kasumi'd hardly be pleased, if she knew."

Ack!

"Lord Tenchi, I must also object." Another classmate, the new girl who'd just transferred from Kyoto. "This girl is a commoner, hardly fit to be in your presence."

Akane scowled. "Back off, Ayeka. It's not your business."

Nabiki nodded in agreement. "We don't need your help. Run along."

"My claim to Lord Tenchi's hand is as valid as yours. More valid, in fact."

Rei got the distinct impression that this had been a bad idea.

"You have no claim," Akane snarled. "Katsuhito arranged the engagements, and nowhere did your name appear. In fact, when you turned up, he was doing his best to discourage you."

"This does not alter the facts."

"You're right." Nabiki this time. "The facts are, you force your attentions on Tenchi, regardless of whether or not he wants them. Right?"

"And you don't, Sis?"

"Hey, who's side are you on?"

"My own."

Rei gulped, and changed her earlier assessment: most certainly this had been a bad idea.

Tenchi hopped to his feet and stepped forward. "All right, all three of you shut up!"

Surprisingly, they did. Tenchi turned to Rei. "Yes."

"What?!" All four females were stunned.

"Yes, Rei, I'd like to go see a movie with you tonight. Say around seven?"

"Uh..." Rei was more than a little afraid for her life.

"Tenchi, you can't--"

"Like hell. You see a ring on this finger?" Tenchi held up his hand, turned it around a couple of times to illustrate his point. "The three of you are acting like you own me. Forget it. I ain't letting you push me around. I'll do as I see fit."

"But--"

"No buts." He turned back to Rei. "Shall I call on you at seven?"

"...Sure."

"Okay. Five minutes before the bell; catch me between classes so I can get your address, okay?"

"...okay."

Tenchi turned and walked off, leaving Rei alone with the three fiancees.

Nabiki scowled at Rei. "I think you'll find that this was very ill advised." She turned and stalked off.

Akane nodded. "He's taken. Back off, before you get hurt." She followed her sister.

Ayeka sighed. "I'm afraid that those two are most likely to follow through on their threats. Akane is a most violent girl, and Nabiki's cunning is rarely matched."

"No threats from you?"

"I don't need to threaten." She sniffed. "Lord Tenchi will realize that I am the best, indeed the only, choice for him." And she, too, turned away from Rei and walked back to the school.

Rei headed back to where she'd left her bento and bookbag, feeling somewhat dazed. Eri ran up to meet her.

"So? How did it go?"

Rei looked at her friend. "Eri...I oughtta smack you one."

* * *

"Hey, Mizuhara! Wait a minute!"

Rei sighed, and turned to Tenchi. "Yeah?"

"I needed to get your address and phone number, remember?"

"Oh, yes." She dug into her purse and pulled out a calling card.

"Thanks." Tenchi tucked the card into his shirt pocket. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Tenchi paused, as though framing his thoughts. "You came to me, and asked me out, but right now, you seem kinda...I dunno." He scratched his head. "Like you really didn't mean to."

"Well, I was thinking that maybe I'd made a mistake. Not that I think you're a bad guy, but--"

"Oh, the girls."

"Actually--"

"Look, don't worry too much about them, okay? I should tell you, though, that I'm kinda stuck with having to marry one of them. Just so you know."

"I guessed as much, but--"

"And don't worry about their threats. None of them would harm a hair on your head. Except maybe Ryoko, and I'm not too sure about that. And I can keep her under my thumb."

"Okay, but I need to tell you--"

The bell rang. "Crap." Tenchi threw up his hands. "Tell me tonight!" He turned and ran for his classroom.

* * *

"I'm home."

"Welcome home, Tenchi. We have a visitor."

The visitor turned out to be Sasami. She was wearing one of Kasumi's aprons, belted high due to its length, and was slicing vegetables. "Hi, Tenchi! I came to visit Akane after I got out of school. I was a bit early."

"Oh, she's still at school anyway. She's on cleanup today. Ah, Kasumi?"

"Yes, Tenchi?"

"Um...A girl at school asked me out today."

"Oh? How nice!"

Tenchi blinked. "Well, I said yes, but--"

"I hope you have fun."

Tenchi blinked again. "Um--"

"Tenchi, I don't mind." Kasumi smiled. "We're not married, not even officially engaged, really. More's the pity."

"But--"

"And you just said yes in order not to hurt her feelings, right?"

"Well." He laughed. "Actually, it was because the other two got on her case." He sighed. "Ayeka got in on the mess, too. All three of them tried to chase her off. I couldn't just sit there and let it happen. So I said yes, to try and teach them a lesson."

"Oh, my."

"Yeah. I'll have to tell Rei tonight that I'm not really interested."

"I hope she takes it well."

"Yeah, me too."

Sasami had been quiet during this exchange, but now spoke up. "Did Ayeka...Did she say why she was getting involved?"

"She mentioned a claim--" Tenchi paled. "Oh, hell."

Kasumi nodded. "I was afraid of as much."

Tenchi threw his hands into the air. "Did Pops agree to another engagement? Or is she just a whacko, like Kuno? Maybe she bribed Pops with food?"

Kasumi sighed. "It seems that since you're a prince, she believes she has a claim to your hand."

"But she's my aunt! Or something like it."

"Didn't you realize that she was engaged to your grandfather?"

"Yeah, I did, but..." Tenchi shook his head emphatically. "No way am I marrying my own aunt!" He looked heavenward. "Why me?"

* * *

There was a knock at the door.

Akane glanced up from her homework - she found it quite easy to concentrate while sitting at the dining room table.

The knock came again. Akane rose, and walked up to the front door. She opened it, and looked around.

Nobody.

The knock came again, this time behind her. "What the heck...?" She walked back to the family room, and looked out over the garden. The shoji were open, and she hadn't seen anyone out there, but...

She heard the knock again, and this time managed to figure out where it was coming from. There was a small room off the family room, meant to serve as a storeroom, but holding only a small electric dryer. She opened the door, and was surprised to see Ryouga standing there.

"Akane? Am I at the right house?"

She giggled. "Yes, Ryouga, you are. Though I don't know how you got in the closet."

"I was trying to get here, and I had to go into a restaurant, and then I found a dark space that I couldn't figure out how to get to the door. I went to sleep, and when I woke up..." He shrugged. "Never mind. Doesn't matter."

She grinned. "Come in. I'm happy to see you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Tea?"

"Thank you."

She knelt at the table, and poured him a cup. "So what brings you here?"

"Well...I was kinda wondering if..." He blushed, which confused her, and scratched the back of his head. "Well...would you like to...ummm...go to see a movie with me?"

Akane was shocked. "A movie?"

"Yeah...I'll understand if you don't wanna...I mean, you're kinda engaged to Tenchi, right? But I thought--"

"Engaged to Tenchi, right. But not married." She grinned. "You see a ring on this finger? Okay, a movie's a good idea. How 'bout tonight? The seven o'clock show?"

"You...you mean it?"

"Of course I do." She tilted her head. "You're a pretty nice guy. I can tell."

Ryouga jumped to his feet. "Thank you! I have to go get ready--"

"Oh, no." She grabbed him and dragged him back down. "You stay right here. You're fine as you are, and I wanna make sure you don't get lost." She considered. "I'll get Tenchi to take you to get cleaned up later, okay?"

Inwardly, Ryouga was gibbering in delight. It seemed to be too good to be true.

Inwardly, Akane was smiling. _Perfect...a cover. Now I can tail Tenchi..._

* * *

An emergency war council had been called. Four individuals, each with the same agenda, though said agendas still managed to conflict with each other.

"I don't know who this Rei thinks she is, moving in on Tenchi like that!" Akane looked furious. "Not that she has any right to do so to begin with, since he's spoken for. But how dare he take her up on it! What a jerk!"

Ryoko shook her head. "I don't see what the big deal is. He's already stated that he's gonna marry one of you three sisters. Just not till he's thirty. So why can't he have some fun in the meantime?"

"I would not expect an uncouth pirate such as yourself to understand the situation," said Ayeka. "It is a matter of principle. Tenchi is spoken for; he must not show infidelity."

Ryoko stuck her tongue out at the Princess.

Nabiki sighed. "You're all missing one very important point. Tenchi stated, flat out, that he's only going out with Rei to teach us all a lesson."

"Does that include our sister, Nabiki?"

"Hmmm...No." Nabiki scowled. "Kasumi hasn't really done anything to warrant this sort of treatment."

Ayeka nodded. "Plus, it would be all too easy for this peasant girl to attempt to...entrap...Lord Tenchi. We must guard against this."

Akane smirked. "I already got a way to follow Tenchi, rather covertly."

"A covert Akane. That'll be the day."

"Hey, before you consider interrupting this date," said Ryoko, "you might want to consider what Tenchi would think of it."

"Tenchi doesn't seem to be considering our feeling." Nabiki's tone was cutting.

Ryoko stuck her tongue out at Nabiki.

"You keep sticking that out, and someone's going to make you use it."

The pirate smirked, and floated up next to Nabiki. "Are you volunteering, Nabiki? I don't normally swing that way, but you're verrry cute..."

Nabiki pushed her away, a disgusted look on her face. "Grow up."

"I might say the same of all of you." Ryoko floated up and back. She crossed her arms, an annoyed look on her face. "No matter how you choose to rationalize it, the fact remains: You three have been treating Tenchi like a possession, and he's lashing out. Maybe Kasumi hasn't, but I'm willing to bet that she's okay with this." She smirked. "After all, you don't see her here."

"And why should she be?"

"Because, Nabiki, she was invited. By the Princess. And declined."

Akane blinked. "She declined?"

"Yes, Akane. She declined." Ayeka sighed. "She stated that she did not wish to cause any more distress to Lord Tenchi."

"Which is exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm bowing out of this deal." Ryoko turned away from the group and floated towards the door. She paused, just before she phased through. "And if you're smart, you'll do the same."


End file.
